In the Garden

There is just something about working outside.  I've always enjoyed yard work even though I complained about it at times as a kid.  It is rewarding to do a little manual labor after being in an office most of the time, not to mention to see things take shape.  When my dad and uncle bought the lot of land here in Richmond that has been in the family for over a century it was in a pretty sad shape.  With the previous owner being an elderly great-uncle, and far away, it was left to a property manager and renters to keep up the work, which rarely turns out well.  Now though, the yard is slowly transforming.  My dad and uncle have done a lot of work to clean the place up, including currently building a new home since the old family home burned down.  In the back of our little rental home (which used to by my great-great-grandfather's shoe shop) was a plot of weeds as high as the fence.  Last fall my uncle sprayed them in hopes to kill and clear them this year.  This spring I cleared all the remaining debris including dead weeds, glass, rocks, garbage, weeds, bottles, weeds, wood, weeds, etc.  I borrowed a tiller and set out to create a garden.  It is a larger garden plot than I have ever worked on, measuring about 30' x 30'.  Friday we made a trip to the local greenhouse to purchase starters and plants in all their varieties.  Yesterday, though I was on call at the hospital, I started one more round of clearing weeds and turning soil, hoping to plant as well.  It was a beautiful day.  I lucked out and didn't get called in!  I was able to get all the plants and seeds in even before some nasty gusting winds attempted to ruin my progress.  It was fun and therapeutic.  Come late summer and early fall we will hopefully have a harvest of tomatoes of all kinds; zucchini, summer, and spaghetti squash; peppers of different sorts, watermelon, cucumber, corn, beans, peas, carrots, and several herbs.

Today I am paying the price.  I worked without even thinking about the sun.  I am burned to a crisp and very sore, an obvious indication that I need to get in shape.  It was well worth it.

University Life or Cow Town?

For several years now, probably about 10, I have had a goal to get a PhD.  I haven't been sure about the direction of the degree but I wanted to pursue it.  I applied to several programs in late 2007 for admittance in Fall 2008.  I was accepted to a couple of them without funding and the timing wasn't right with the progress I was making toward obtaining the LCSW (which is the licensure that allows me to practice independently).  I deferred at one program and applied again at another to enter Fall 2009.  Just over two weeks ago now I received a notification of admittance to a PhD program at the University of Utah, this time with funding!  

I thought this would be an easy decision, but when it came right down to it, Tania and I found ourselves grappling with what we should do.  I notified my bosses right away about my predicament and asked what my future would look like if I remained at the Comprehensive Treatment Clinic.  After significant reflection, discussion, prayer, and fasting we decided that I would turn down the PhD program and remain in Cache Valley...at least for now.  This was one of the most difficult decisions that I have ever made!  We both felt that both options were very positive and promising.  We ultimately made our decision based off of the following (in no particular order):

1.  A move to the U would require that Tania get a new job and that I find a part-time job.  No school districts are hiring and options for therapist positions are very limited in this economy.

2.  I am beginning to establish a niche in the mental health community in Northern Utah and gaining (slowly) an expertise in my field with some cutting edge training.

3.  We are excited to settle and get a home.

4.  We are not particularly excited about drastically cutting our income and living as poor students again, particularly considering that this would delay buying a home until we are close to 35!

5.  My bosses are willing to provide some funding and flexibility for a doctoral degree at USU or a distance learning institution.

6.  We love Cache Valley, our little town, and our great ward.

7.  Tania just got called into the Relief Society presidency and the circumstances are such that it is clear the call is of the Lord.

Though this decision has been very hard, I've never been one to look back and continually second-guess myself.  We are moving forward and immediately started looking to build a home.  We have looked around quite a bit over the past year, mostly for fun.  We found a builder that we really like almost a year ago and haven't found anything we like as much since then.  So, that was the easy part.  We wanted to stay in the ward, which led us to look for lots inside our ward boundaries.  There are several for sale in this one-stop-light town but most of them are large lots outside of our price range.  I would have loved to buy a .8 acre lot and have a huge garden and fruit trees, but finances simply won't allow.  Our ward has a brand new subdivision full of younger couples and families.  Several lots sit empty in the neighborhood, so we called to see if any were available.  To our disappointment, the last lot was picked up the previous week.  Just as we were beginning to think staying in the ward wouldn't be possible the selling agent for the subdivision called to tell us that the contract had fallen through.

Everything has moved very quickly!  In no more than 5 months we hope to be saying goodbye to great-grandpa Olsen's shoe shop, which has actually been a nice little place...

 

...And moving onto a .3 acre lot in "Richmond Meadow Estates" (which sounds much more fancy than it is).

 A view of the lot from the west.  It is a corner lot and stretches from the street to the white fence.

A view of the lot from the south.  Again, the lot stretches from the street to the end of the white fence.  If all goes according to plan we will be building "The Magnolia".

It will be primarily light blue with some darker blue and white.  We will also have more rock exterior.

We are huge fans of the exterior and the floor plan.  The "office" will actually be a parlor/living room/home teacher room.  We will also have an unfinished basement with cold storage.

An offer was made on the lot and accepted.  We are now in contract for the land and construction.  Now, it's just a matter of picking everything out and preparing specific plans.  Once plans are submitted to the lender and we get the pre-authorization they can start digging!  We are hoping to get this done as quickly as we can, mostly to get locked in while interest rates are low.  I know this is horrible to say but we are really hoping the economy stays in the dumps for another 4-5 months so that interest rates don't begin to rise.

We are excited and scared to death all at the same time!

Stronger Than Many Waters

Almost a year ago I wrote a post entitled 'Moses 1 and the Temple'.  I discussed Satanic style - the patterns of temptation and manipulation by the Adversary - as presented in Moses chapter 1.  The idea in such a discussion was to share a few thoughts and insights that I have learned in striving to be more aware of how Satan interacts with us.  With that awareness we are hopefully in a better position to combat his tactics in a difficult world.  I mentioned that in a future post I would like to outline how Moses, in a most intense interaction with the Evil One, stands as an exemplar of precisely how to do that.  This is finally that post.  Before I get to Moses, though, I will quickly review the Satanic style as seen in Moses chapter 1 and in the temple ceremony.

1)  Satan's influence is exerted both before AND after spiritual experiences.  He attempts to prevent them before and cause us to doubt, forget, or diminish them after.

2)  Satan would have us focus on our carnal nature rather than our divine nature.  He cleverly stresses "son of man" to distract us from the more inspiring truth "son of God".  He would have us embrace our inclinations, tendencies, and proclivities toward the things of the world and of the flesh.

3)  Satan cleverly commands us to worship him, as if we have no choice.  To worship is to love and to follow.  Today it seems this is generally done with subtle forms of authority rather than blatant "devil worshipping", such as:  You are this way so you must act.  You feel this way so you must follow.  You want this so you must obtain.  The world says this so you must agree.

4)  Satan attempts to cause us fear.  Fear leads to loss of confidence and faith that would otherwise lead us to God and His healing and redeeming power.

5)  Satan uses every tactic available, from subtlety to intimidation.  He does not go quietly.  When striving to overcome his tactics, things often get worse before they get better. Furthermore, we might also expect increased intensity in his dealings with us as we grow closer and closer to God.

You will recall that Moses 1 opens with the discussion of Moses having been "caught up" into an exceedingly high mountain where he beheld the glory of God and spoke to Him face to face.  It is a revelatory experience of historic proportions.   The Lord tells Moses that he is His son and created in the similitude of His only begotten.  He informs the future parter-of-seas and deliverer-of-nations that He has a work for him to do, though he does not yet detail what that work is.  Finally, He grants Moses the opportunity to see to "the ends of the earth" and "all the children of men" that were and ever will be created.  The vision closes, we learn, and mighty Moses is "left unto himself".  It is then that Satan comes "tempting him", using the above mentioned strategies.  As that tempting develops in the narrative Moses responds in ways that I believe provide insight for us in our own battles with the Adversary.

1)  As Satan tries to focus on the fact that Moses is a "son of man", that is to view himself from a carnal nature rather than a divine, the prophet counters him with what he had just been told by the Lord Himself.  He reminds himself and the Adversary that he is a son of God, created in the similitude of His Only Begotten, that is Jesus Christ.  Surely, there is a part of all of us that is "carnal, sensual, and devilish" but there is another part of us that yearns for something more, for something higher.  Lucifer would have us consumed in the former to the point that we are blinded to the latter.  We get too caught up in the weakness and struggle of the flesh, of the intellect, and of the world.  But, when we remember Whose we really are we can focus on who we really are.  Knowing who we really are leads us to knowing what we can accomplish and what we can become.  This knowledge gives us the confidence, understanding, and strength to rebuff Satan.  We are willing to "put off the natural man" for a more "eternal weight of glory".       

2)  Moses immediately contrasts what he saw in God and what he is now seeing in Satan.  He interacted with both face to face and he sees the Adversary's weakness.  He says, "Where is thy glory that I should worship thee?"  He further reminds the Evil One that he can look upon him in the flesh, but had to be transfigured to look upon God.  Moses is able to recognize that Satan neither has a body nor any glory at all.  There really is no comparison to the glory of God.  It is like contrasting the buildings and bling of Las Vegas to the majestic mountains and the star-filled heavens.  Attractive, intriguing, and grand in their own right, yet entirely inadequate.  We know that Satan can only have as much power over us as we allow him.  Part of his limitation, of course, is that he does not have a body, does not have any glory or light, and does not have any possibility for progression.  I think we would do well to follow Moses in recognizing the Adversary's lack of real impressiveness.            

3)  Moses has the Spirit of God with him and is able to both recognize it and use it to discern light from darkness.  He declares, "I can judge between thee and God".  The other day in scripture study, Tania and I were reading of the armor of God.  She reminded us that the only offensive weapon as described in the armor is the "sword of the Spirit".  It is, it seems, the only weapon at all.  All of the other pieces are defensive protections.  But the Spirit both pierces and protects.  The Holy Ghost teaches us all things and brings all things to our remembrance.  He will remind us of our divine nature and help us see Satan's weakness.  He will provide us with information that will pierce Satan's clever arguments and divide them asunder.  He will shield us from heavy blows and cheap shots.  If we want to conquer Satan, we need the Spirit as our sword.   

4)  On at least two occasions during the ordeal with Lucifer he-who-was-raised-on-Egyptian-mythology recalls the word and commandments of God and expresses faith in that word.  Later on in the drama of Good versus Evil, Jesus, the Master, uses the same tactic to combat the Great Tempter.  He prefaces each of his responses with, "It is written".  The lesson must be that we need to be familiar with God's word.  We must know his commands and be willing to follow them, no matter how interesting or stimulating the alternatives may be.  If we are familiar with such, we are in a position to counter the Adversary with what God has said on any subject and thereby not be fooled.  If we are not familiar with or converted to His word, we may be easily persuaded.  

5)  Moses casts the Adversary out and away four distinct times by saying such things as, "Get thee hence, Satan"; "Depart hence"; "Depart from me"; and lastly, "In the name of the Only Begotten, depart hence, Satan".  I think two lessons can be learned from this action.  First, that Satan doesn't leave you alone just because you tell him to or want him to.  In fact, like bad behavior of a toddler when you attempt to curb it, it may be magnified before it is eliminated.  Perhaps the key is persevering with persistence as you push him away.  Second, that it is the efficacy of worthily invoking the power of the Son and driving out Satan in His name that is ultimately successful.  

6)  Meek and mighty Moses acknowledges and resolves to Lucifer that he needs God, he wants God, and he will only worship God.  The great and spacious building can be extraordinarily inviting.  So much so that it skews perspective.  Holding fast to a rod seems so constraining when there is a party going on.  Eating pure white fruit by a tree appears boring and quaint compared to the beckoning calls of the influential and the succulent feasts of the proud.  But those pressing forward see what the wanderer does not, the cracking foundations of a poorly constructed building that will fall with a great and terrible crash.  With the perspective of all that Moses had just discovered, it is only logical that he would express his desire to follow the Lord.  He is ashamed neither of his dependence on God nor his desire to follow him.  He knows this truth, "Behold, and hearken..., saith the Lord your God, even Jesus Christ, your advocate, who knoweth the weakness of man and how to succor them who are tempted".      

 

7)  The prophet calls upon God throughout the entire episode to receive strength.  Alma exhorted, "But that ye would humble yourselves before the Lord, and call on his holy name, and watch and pray continually, that ye may not be tempted above that which ye can bear, and thus be led by the Holy Spirit..."  The Lord encourages, "Pray always that you may come of conquerer; yea, that you may conquer Satan..."  Prayer is the conduit that keeps us connected to God and demonstrates our faith in His power of deliverance.  I find it interesting that only after Moses feared did he see the "bitterness of hell".  To ascend from the depths of the dark world, he called upon God and cast Satan out.

The outcome, most thankfully, is that Moses overcomes.  It is only then that the Lord reveals to Moses what his foreordained mission will be.  He is told that the Almighty has "chosen" him, that he will be "stronger than many waters", that God is with him, and that he will deliver the Lord's chosen people, Israel.  Moses is then granted an even more extensive vision and greater understanding of God's divine design.  

Perhaps it is a pattern for us all.     

   

You're So Vain

Well, it has now been 3 months since I've posted and I have been itching to write.  My problem is that I haven't had much of particular interest to write about.  But, I figure I better write about something or I never will!

Today as I was driving to work I heard three consecutive radio commercials that I found troubling.  The first was an advertisement about some magical weight loss pill, the second was an advertisement for a plastic surgery office, and the last was an advertisement for a weight loss surgical procedure.  I guess I had been thinking about this kind of thing for awhile because it seems like I have heard about several people getting gastric bypass or lap band procedures in the past few weeks.  Now, I'm not opposed to weight loss (I'd like to shed what I've put on in the past year).  I'm not even opposed to plastic surgery and or weight loss procedures in certain circumstances and with certain boundaries.  What I find concerning is this seeming craze or fad toward drastic measures to improve physical appearance, whether that is nipping here or removing there, augmenting here and lifting there.  As far as I can recall it has only been in the past few years that we have seen this enormous increase in unabashed advertising, from billboards, to radio, to TV commercials.  What is wrong with us that we are so obsessed with size and poundage?  I frankly find it disturbing when some chick announces on the airwaves, "Just because I wasn't blessed with large breasts from birth doesn't mean I can't have them now" - or something lame like that.

Some would argue that such procedures greatly improve health and self-esteem.  I can agree with that to a point.  I am certainly not passing judgment on anyone who has or yet will undergo any such procedures, I'm not in their position.  But, it seems to me that they are now handing out gastric bypass and lap band procedures to anyone who asks, rather than to those who are in chronic medical need.  Furthermore, those who are in chronic medical need generally have a food addiction and without addressing the function of the acting out behavior (e.g., eating compulsively to mood alter and/or avoid pain) the maladaptive pattern will likely continue, just with a different behavior.  Next thing you know they are in my office with an addiction to sex, drugs, gambling, or any other number of compulsive and or mood-altering behaviors.  Should not everything be tried before these kinds of invasive procedures that offer a "magic fix" and take away any real personal effort or growth.  Fortunately there are some programs that require counseling, lifestyle change, coaching, etc. as part of the process.  However, I am afraid that these are the exception rather than the rule.

The issue of "self-esteem" really gets to me too.  I would suspect that all of us have one or a number of things about our bodies that we could stand to change.  Women tend to be more vocal about this than men, but don't be fooled, men are just as bad as women in their own way.  I can accept that self-confidence may improve in some respects as a result of these operations but if self-esteem is improving because your gut is smaller or your rear end tighter, that is some pretty superficial self-esteem.  Sure, I think we can and should feel satisfaction in caring for our bodies and strive to be presentable, attractive, and healthy - but for goodness sake, does my esteem for myself and others really depend upon a number on a scale or a cup size?  It is all so vain and so surface.  Is there not a lot worse in the world than being overweight, under average, or over average?  Why don't we put this kind of money and effort into something that actually has some real meaning?  We are different and have blemish for a reason.  Perhaps part of that reason is learning to love ourselves and others despite those things.  I'm not professing to have this down, far from it, but I'd like to.  I am professing that this focus on weight and body shape and size has become way over-the-top.  It has become a cultural obsession and we're all caught in it.  At the end of the day for the vast majority of people when we are dead and gone, not one person is going to remember us for how much we weighed or how big or small our body parts were.  If they do, that says more about them than it does about us!  What we will be remembered for is how we lived and how we loved.               

Hate and Bigotry

Hate:  to dislike intensely or passionately; feel extreme aversion for or extreme hostility toward. 

Bigot:  a person who is utterly intolerant of any differing creed, belief, or opinion.

It seems that in the last week and one-half these words have flown around like the Autumn leaves falling from trees, except they've been descending about as gently as bombs.  The accusers are people all over the country who are enraged over the passage of Proposition 8 in California, which is, as we have all come to know, a state constitutional ban on same-sex marriage.  It seems that the accused, interestingly enough, are largely leaders and members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints who supported the amendment.  That support came from individual citizens in the form of financial donations, volunteer time, and a vote 'yes' at the ballot box.  Never mind that members of the church only make up 5% of California's population and never mind that the 'Yes on 8' Coalition was made up of numerous different organizations and faiths, and never mind that the church made NO monetary donations as an organization, and never mind that the measure passed with 52% of the vote, and never mind that the church put out several statements urging love and civility throughout the process.  None of that seems to matter to those who are pointing fingers at the church as the main force of “hate and bigotry” behind the amendments adoption by the majority of Californians.  Granted, the First Presidency encouraged members to participate and they responded with nearly half of the money raised for ‘Yes on 8’ and contributed a huge portion of the volunteering.  But ultimately it was the voters who decided.  Is it not a stretch to say that 52% of Californians were duped and manipulated by the “hateful” minority of Mormons?  Nobody forced anyone to the polls nor did anybody force anyone to vote yes.  It is an especially interesting accusation given that the ‘No on 8’ campaign had just as much advertising, more money, and more prestige.

The church has now been a major target of the protesting that began almost immediately after the official word of successful passage of the proposition.  It has come in the form of a burning Book of Mormon on chapel steps, protests at sacred sites, shot-out windows, white powder pranks, vandalism, boycotts and threatened boycotts, forced resignations, and a drive to send Pres. Monson a post card for every donation made to the reversal campaign that will indicate the donation is being made in his name.  These folks carry signs that malign the church and its members as hate mongers and bigots.  They further express their belief that the church and its people are forcing their beliefs on others and inappropriately mixing church and state.

As I have watched the events unfold I have wondered where the hate and bigotry really lies.  For anyone who has taken an introductory psychology class you have likely learned about defense mechanisms.  Defense mechanisms are strategies of the psyche that we use to deal with difficult truth or reality through which we avoid facing intolerable feelings such as guilt, anger, hatred, and so forth.  Projection is a defense mechanism in which we ascribe to another person or group feelings, thoughts, or attitudes that are actually present in ourselves.  See, if we project unpleasant/unacceptable feelings or attitudes onto others, as if they are theirs, we do not have to face the truth of ourselves.  Displacement is a defense mechanism in which we transfer an emotion from its original focus onto another, usually less threatening or easy target.  For example, we get angry at our boss but can't take it out on him so we take it out on the secretary.

Back to the question then, where does the hate and bigotry lie?  No doubt, there are plenty of members of the church who are hateful and bigoted.  Surely, some supporters of prop 8 have displayed these characteristics.  Nevertheless, I am not aware of any protests by members of the church against the L.A. or Salt Lake Pride Center when 4 presumptuous judges on the Supreme Court of California made a decision about same-sex marriage on behalf of 34 million people.  I'm not aware of any book burnings, or vandalism, or shot out windows.  I know of no signs at that time that accused the supporters of homosexual marriage as being intolerant and hateful, nor do I know of any forced resignations, or mocking/vilifying of the leaders in their community.  I'm not aware of any of that from Latter-day Saints.  Nor do I suspect there would have been any of that had the measure failed, aside from perhaps some fringe-type wackos.  In fact, the church has called on its members throughout the campaign to be compassionate and civil.  They have reiterated over and over and over again that we must be peaceful, respectful, and kind.   

So I ask again, where is the hate?  Who is the bigot?  Is it hateful to have a differing view about marriage?  Is it bigoted to stand up for what you believe in?  Or, are these vitriolic accusations a kind of collective projection and displacement?  No individual or group in our society wants to be labeled a hater or a bigot or a discriminator.  So-called closed-mindedness and intolerance seem to be the ultimate social sins.  Thus, these labels become over-used and easy ammunition to silence and invalidate anyone who disagrees.  At the same time, they are persuasive to hypersensitive fence-sitters who don't want to commit any social sins or appear on the wrong side of "progress".  To be fair, not everyone that supports gay marriage has engaged in the rhetoric and immature behavior.  In fact, many are calling for peaceful and constructive dialogue.  But it seems ironic that those who are shouting "hate" and "bigotry" the loudest seem to have an awful lot of it in their own hearts.  

This is a very difficult issue, one that will not go away anytime soon.  It is creating dissonance in communities and congregations and families all over this nation.  Positions will likely not change on either side.  What can change, however, is a little more empathy and charity on both sides.  More to come on this later.