My many valentines - sort of.

Valentine's Day 2006 is now slowly coming to a close and I have been thinking. I don't have a Valentine at the moment - romantic love seems to be evading me for the time being, but I do have lots a wonderful women in my life who I love. Today I have been thinking a bit about them.

Grandma is now over 80 years old. The thought that her life is in the sunset years is sad. She is a simple woman of quiet modesty. She grew up in the depths of the depression, raised 13 children in relative poverty, and has pressed forward as a widow for over 20 years. I remember well being a nerdy little boy who liked to talk about books. Grandma listened, and told me about her books too. I've never heard her say an unkind or judgmental remark about anyone. I've never heard her complain about her pain. I've laughed with her when she hit the pinata at the family reunion last summer and I've been choked up when she talks about her love for her family. She is quick to laugh with that silent chuckle that brings a smile to everyone's face. The apostle Peter in addressing the women of the church said, "whose adorning let it not be that outward adorning of plaiting the hair, and of wearing of gold, or of putting on of apparel; But let it be the hidden man of the heart, in that which is not corruptible, even the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of great price." Such a woman is Grandma. Those who know me well know that I have well-defined personal space boundaries. I'm not one to hug and kiss with your average friend on the street, but I kiss Grandma. I love her.

Mom is so strong, even though she doesn't see it. Mom has survived difficult family experiences and has risen above the cycles of anger and hostility shown to her to raise a good and happy family. She loves God and carries a simple faith. Her sensitive heart has taught me to be compassionate. Her generous nature has taught me the value of service. Who else in the world not only goes to her piano students' houses to teach them, but teaches them for FREE?! Mom puts her family first and is like a mother lion when anyone has tried to harm or criticize her children. She has faith in me and lets me know it, even when I struggle to have faith in myself. Like today, when she sent me a Valentine with a message of love and support. I always looked forward to Mom's letters every week during the mission. All mail was good, but there was something about letters from Mom. Her instruction and example has instilled within me a value for faith, diligence, love, music, cleanliness, and sociality to name a few. I wonder who I would be without her influence. I lover her.

Sister is amazing. I grew up thinking she was either a huge brat or the coolest person in the world, depending on the day. I always looked up to her and tried to follow her example. It was her example that prompted me to pray each night before bed. I was (am) more reserved and quiet than her, she was crazy and outgoing. Perhaps sensing this, she always helped me to make friends and feel comfortable. I have watched in amazement really, as she has developed from a ditzy and moody teenager into a wonderful wife and mother. I have seen how those sacred roles have changed her and made her so mature and beautiful. It is a remarkable thing to see how selfless and devoted she is to her husband and three boys. I have learned so much about the meaning and wonder of womanhood from watching her. I lover her.

My friends that are women are incredible. There are too many to identify each one, but they are all beautiful and dignified women, each with unique talents and gifts that I admire. They stand as valiant daughters of God who live passionately and righteously in a difficult world for women to live in. They honor and value the priesthood, they work to achieve their goals, and all the while they understand their divine nature. These friends help me see the bright side of life and induce laughter at every opportunity. Like many women today they struggle with the messages that bombard them and the challenges that confront them, but they demonstrate their faith by the graceful way in wich they consistently follow Truth. The light in their countenances and the joy in their eyes witness of God's love for them. They accept me despite my awkwardness and instill confidence in my own sense of being a man. They inspire me to be a better man, and to be worthy of a righteous woman, such as them. I love them.

"Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies...Strength and honor are her clothing; and she shall rejoice in time to come...Many daughters have done virtuously, but thou excellest them all. Favour is deceitful, and beauty is vain: but a woman that feareth the Lord, she shall be praised." (Proverbs 31)

So today, I praise each of you. Thank you! Never underestimate the power and influence of a righteous woman.

Lost in Lost

The other day my roommate came home with the first season of the TV show "Lost" on DVD. I hadn't really heard too much about this show, but I sat down and watched the first episode with him. Next thing you know it was past midnight and we were finishing up the last episode on the disc. I do believe I am hooked. It's a good show with interesting characters, a fun story line full of twists and turns, clean (at least so far), and darnit they really leave you hanging at the end of every episode. You pretty much have to see the next one, and thus the trap is created. I don't watch too much TV these days, but here is a show that seems worth watching.

Merry Christmas

It is now about 1:25 am MST. Yet another graveyard. The time is passing rather slowly, mostly because I don't have the normal homework to keep me busy in between my rounds every couple of hours. Tonight I have been mixing a little reading with some movie-watching. In the midst of my reading I came across an encouraging quote by C.S. Lewis.

"No amount of falls will really undo us if we keep on picking ourselves up each time. We shall of course be very muddy and tattered children by the time we reach home. But the bathrooms are all ready, the towels put out, the clean clothes in the airing cupboard. The only fatal thing is to lose one's temper and give it up. It is when we notice the dirt that God is most present in us: it is the very sign of His presence."

This quote reminded me of another statement, which is part of an incredible talk, made by Elder Bruce C. Hafen of the Quorum of the Seventy.

"So if you have problems in your life, don't assume there is something wrong with you. Struggling with those problems is at the very core of life's purpose. As we draw close to God, He will show us our weaknesses and through them make us wiser, stronger. If you're seeing more of your weaknesses, that just might mean you're moving nearer to God, not farther away."

Generally I am a bit discouraged as I see - and begrudgingly acknowledge - my innumerableable weaknesses. I get pretty stressed out over the slightest amount of dirt. My uncle used to say that I could play in a pool of mud and come out clean. While I certainly don't want to be playing in any figurative mud pools, I can be encouraged by my muddy tatteredness at times. Discovering another spot of dirt or a deeper stain can be viewed as an invitation to climb higher. There's no way I can keep "picking [myself] up each time", except that warm towels and clean clothes await.

Merry Christmas to everyone in the blogosphere!

Graveyards

14 hours. 840 minutes. 48,400 seconds.

Boredom. Freezing.

Eyes are heavy. Hair is greasy. Body is tired.

Have to drive to Provo to learn about Isaiah.

Nice, warm bed!

Care for a swim? Beware of drowning!

Recently I have been tempted to go for a swim. Nothing wrong with a little swim, right? Except that the pool that is pulling me is called self-pity. There are no benefits from exercise in this body of water, only drowning. So, I am trying to count my blessings and open my eyes to the tender mercies of God. Sometimes I forget to appreciate the little things that are seemingly insignificant. Consider for example a clear crisp winter day after the inversion has lifted. How about a new haircut and being able to feel the cold air on your big 'ole head! My personal favorite are the moments that you briefly glimpse that you are in the right place - and that it's a good place. The other night while walking over to campus at a very late hour to finish an assignment I had procrastinated for far too long, I had such a moment. The night was dark and the ground was wet from the rain and snow. Few people were on campus and all was very still compared to the rush of activity that is such a part of this place during the day. The clouds were parting after the storm and the stars could be seen above the snow covered mountains that surround this little "Happy Valley". As I walked toward the library, hands in my pockets and eyes toward heaven, I felt something. I felt that subtle and gentle feeling that I have come to recognize as the Spirit of God. I sensed that the feeling is always present in this place, but it took the quiet wintry night to allow it to touch me. In that moment I knew that I was in the right place - and that it is a good place to be!