Forza Italia

My Grace is Sufficient

2011-12-11T18:58:00.000-08:00

It has been forever since I posted. I've been more busy than I have in years, or maybe ever! Anyway, my counselors and I were asked to speak in sacrament meeting today. I thought I would post my talk. I tend to always write a much longer talk than I have time for, so I had to cut this way back in the meeting. Here it is in its full form:

My dear brothers and sisters, the Savior taught His disciples that where two or three are gathered together in His name, He would be in the midst of them (Matt 18:20). We have gathered together in the name of Christ as a congregation of saints. I prayerfully invite Him, through His Spirit, to continue to be in the midst of us and in our hearts as I share these remarks. I have fervently sought His guidance and acknowledge my need for His strength and inspiration in this assignment.

We have heard much about power this afternoon. What is the power we have referred to and from whence does it come? Power can be defined simply as the ability or capacity to do, to act, or to accomplish effectively. The scriptures teach us that our Heavenly Father “worketh by power” (Moro. 10:7). We also learn that “a man (or woman) may have great power given him from God” (Mosiah 8:16). Let us remember this as we proceed – that God works by power and that He is willing to share that great power with His children. Let us also hold in our mind the question: In regard to the power of God, which He is so willing to bestow, am I living up to my privileges?

At this Christmas season we are often drawn to the beautiful passages of the Gospels that tell of Jesus’ miraculous birth. In what are likely some of the most familiar verses of scripture in all of Christendom we read that Mary “brought forth her firstborn son, and wrapped him in swaddling clothes, and laid him in a manger” (Luke 2:7). To the lowly shepherds abiding in their fields the angel appeared, saying, “Behold, I bring you good tidings of great joy, which shall be to all people. For unto you is born this day…a savior, which is Christ the Lord” (Luke 2:10-11). Is it possible that we were among that heavenly host accompanying the angel singing “Glory to God in the highest”?! The sacred event was surely cause for celebration in the realms of heaven! It is a moving image indeed to consider the humble shepherds kneeling before the Lamb of God, slain from before the foundation of the world. He was the king of Israel, yet in this moment His royal courts were a stable and His throne a bed of hay.

Why is the birth of Jesus called “good tidings of great joy”? What cause do we have now to sing with the heavenly host or kneel at the mangerside? John declares, “In the beginning was the word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God…And the Word was made flesh, and dwelt among us, full of grace and truth…And as many as received Him, to them gave He power to become the sons of God” (Jn 1:1, 12, 14). Can we fathom it, brothers and sisters? That the God of heaven and earth came to live as man? To dwell with man? Even more remarkable, that He came to give us power to become His sons and daughters? Paul said, “For ye know the grace of our Lord Jesus Christ, that, though he was rich, yet for [our] sakes he became poor, that [we] through his poverty might be rich” (2 Cor. 8:9). If ever there was reason to rejoice, is this not it?

What is this power then to which John refers? It is grace! From where does it come? Only through the atonement of Jesus Christ. Jacob, the brother of Nephi, taught:

Wherefore, redemption cometh in and through the Holy Messiah; for he is full of grace and truth. Behold, he offereth himself a sacrificefor sin, to answer the ends of the law, unto all those who have a broken heart and a contrite spirit;…there is no flesh that can dwell in the presence of God, save it be through the merits, and mercy, and grace of the Holy Messiah… (2 Ne. 2:6-8).

According the Bible Dictionary, grace is the “divine means of help or strength given through the bounteous mercy and love of Jesus Christ”. It is the enabling power of the atonement that opens the way for man to be forgiven of sins, to rise in immortality, and ultimately to inherit eternal life and exaltation. This is foundational to our doctrine and something we all know and understand. A less understood (and less applied) truth regarding grace is that it is also the wonderful power by which man receives “strength and assistance” beyond his natural or mortal capacity in the activities and vicissitudes of life. Elder David A Bednar has instructed:

I suspect that you and I are much more familiar with the nature of the redeeming power of the Atonement than we are with the enabling power of the Atonement. It is one thing to know that Jesus Christ came to earth to die for us. That is fundamental and foundational to the doctrine of Christ. But we also need to appreciate that the Lord desires, through His Atonement and by the power of the Holy Ghost, to live in us--not only to direct us but also to empower us…I frankly do not think many of us "get it" concerning this enabling and strengthening aspect of the Atonement, and I wonder if we mistakenly believe we must make the journey from good to better and become a saint all by ourselves through sheer grit, willpower, and discipline, and with our obviously limited capacities. (David A. Bednar, In the Strength of the Lord, BYU Devotional October 23, 2001).

It is obvious to us that no man can receive eternal life on his own. No matter how righteous we think we are, no matter how smart or capable, no matter how skilled or gifted we may be, we know that “all have sinned and come short of the glory of God” (Rom. 3:23). We know that we need Christ to overcome our sin. But do we know, do we believe, do we live the doctrine of the empowering Christ? Do we seek His grace – that enabling power – in the happenings of our everyday life? Too many of us, I’m afraid, focus on our own “grit, willpower, and discipline” (or perceived lack thereof), only to leave us discouraged by power that is deficient in doing and being all that we hope to do and be. In the meantime, we lose focus on the Messiah, whose grace is fully sufficient! (Ether 12:27).

Truly, the empowering Christ gives us cause to rejoice. It is the atonement of Jesus Christ that can enable us in our roles as husbands, wives, and parents to make us more than we are on our own. It is by the grace of God, through His son, that we can exercise and benefit from power in the priesthood. From the effects of the Savior’s great expiation we can be strengthened beyond our natural capacity in our callings and responsibilities as saints. It is by grace that we have access to the Holy Ghost with all of its attendant gifts. It is by grace that we can be assisted in our friendships, our occupations, and our personal strivings. It is by grace that we not only receive forgiveness of sin, but receive strength to overcome it. It is grace that provides comfort in trial. No wonder Paul so passionately invited, “Let us therefore come boldly unto the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy, and find grace to help in time of need” (Heb 4:16).

The powerful apostle Paul was no stranger to grace. He reveals in his second epistle to the Corinthians that he was given a “thorn in the flesh”, which evidently caused him significant affliction. We do not know what his thorn in the flesh was, but Paul says that he “besought the Lord thrice” to remove this trial. I am told that in the original Greek this connotes not just three prayers, but three periods of prayer. We might safely assume that his supplications were fervent, faith-filled, and accompanied by fasting and obedience. The mighty apostle shares with us the result of his beseeching. The thorn in the flesh was not removed but God responded to his prayers.

“And he (God) said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness.” Paul goes on to say, “Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me…for when I am weak, then am I strong” (2 Cor 12:9-10).

What a comforting truth! His grace is sufficient! His strength is made perfect in weakness! We might ask ourselves: Am I struggling with a thorn in the flesh? Perhaps I am burdened by some weakness or I feel overwhelmed with inadequacy. Maybe I am crippled by doubt or isolated by loneliness. Am I bound in the chains of addiction, bereft in crushing loss, consumed in anger? Am I grappling with illness or disability? Has a loved one strayed? Am I overcome with temptation? The reassuring word of the Lord, repeated time and time again throughout the scriptures, is, “My grace is sufficient!” Remember the sacred scene at the temple in Bountiful following the Savior’s appearance to the people in the Americas. The Great Physician was moved with love and invited all who were present, “Have ye any that are sick among you? Bring them hither. Have ye any that are lame, or blind, or halt, or maimed, or leprous, or that are withered, or that are deaf, or that are afflicted in any manner? Bring them hither and I will heal them, for I have compassion upon you; my bowels are filled with mercy” (3 Ne. 17:7). I imagine that in this case healing meant the immediate removal of the affliction, but I am convinced that many times healing occurs over time. Like Paul, we can receive grace wherein the power of Christ rests upon us to make us perfect in weakness, though our thorns may remain. In this kind of affliction, no matter the affliction, the pain of the heart that results from it can be “swallowed up in Christ” and literally healed, even when sometimes the affliction persists! This is what the people of Alma experienced when God “strengthened them that they could bear up their burdens with ease” so much that they “could not feel them” and did submit “cheerfully” to the will of the Lord (Mosiah 24:14-16). Of this form of merciful grace I am both a witness and a recipient.

If we are not careful we may misunderstand the oft-quoted scripture from 2^nd Nephi, “it is by grace we are saved, after all we can do” (2 Ne. 25:23). Brother Brad Wilcox, quoting Elder Bruce C. Hafen explains, “’The Savior’s gift of grace to us is not necessarily limited in time to ‘after’ all we can do. We may receive his grace before, during and after the time when we expend our own efforts’ (The Broken Heart [Salt Lake City: Deseret Book, 1989], 155). So grace is not a booster engine that kicks in once our fuel supply is exhausted. Rather, it is our constant energy source. It is not the light at the end of the tunnel but the light that moves us through the tunnel. Grace is not achieved somewhere down the road. It is received right here and right now. It is not a finishing touch; it is the Finisher’s touch (see Hebrews 12:2).”

We access God’s sufficient grace through faith in Jesus Christ. Recall the words of the prophet Ether, “And if men come unto me I will show unto them their weakness. I give unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them.” (Ether 12:27). To have faith in Jesus Christ means to have confidence in Him, His character, and His promises (see Bible Dictionary). Faith is a principle of action that results in power. Thus, as we have faith in Christ we look to Him and try to follow Him. We act to keep His commandments, to repent of our sins, and to receive saving ordinances. We strive to adopt His divine nature and to trust in His will for our lives. Mormon taught, “And Christ hath said: If ye will have faith in me ye shall have power to do whatsoever thing is expedient in me” (Moro. 7:33). What is the power we receive as we exercise faith? I suggest that it is the enabling power of the atonement – the grace of Jesus Christ.

Let us remember that sometimes faith takes away our challenges, but most of the time it accesses grace to help us through them. Elder Richard G. Scott proclaimed:

“Even if you exercise your strongest faith, God will not always reward you immediately according to your desires. Rather, God will respond with what in His eternal plan is best for you. He loves you to a depth and completeness you cannot conceive of in your mortal state. Indeed, were you to know His entire plan, you would never ask for that which is contrary to it even though your feelings tempt you to do so. Sincere faith gives understanding and strength to accept the will of our Heavenly Father when it differs from our own" (Elder Richard G. Scott, The Sustaining Power of Faith, Ensign, May 2003).

Ironically, even faith itself comes as a gift by grace. William Tyndale, the bold reformer and vessel through which God worked to translate much of the Bible into English, wisely spoke, “Now faith…is the gift of God, given us by grace…I never deserved it, nor prepared myself unto it; but ran another way clean contrary in my blindness, and sought not that way; but he sought me, and found me out, and showed it me, and therewith drew me to him. And I bow the knees of my heart unto God night and day, that he will show it all other men” (William Tyndale, An Answer to Sir Thomas More’s Dialogue).

Powerful faith and powerful grace require a powerful price. Elder Bruce C. Hafen has explained:

We need grace both to overcome sinful weeds and to grow divine flowers. We can do neither one fully by ourselves. But grace is not cheap. It is very expensive, even very dear. How much does this grace cost? Is it enough simply to believe in Christ? The man who found the pearl of great price gave “all that he had” for it. If we desire “all that [the] Father hath,” God asks all that we have. To qualify for such exquisite treasure, in whatever way is ours, we must give the way Christ gave—every drop He had…Our all by itself is still only almost enough—until it is finished by the all of Him who is the “finisher of our faith.” At that point, our imperfect but consecrated almost is enough." (Elder Bruce C. Hafen, The Atonement: All for All, Ensign May 2004).

Christ has called us to “deny [ourselves], and take up our cross, and follow [him]” (Matt. 16:24).

From the JST we learn that to take up our cross is to deny ourselves of all ungodliness and every worldly lust. We remember that crucifixion was a cruel way to die. It was also a shameful way to die. Jewish tradition said, “cursed is the man who hangs from a tree”. Imagine, the God of Heaven, He who was without shame, carrying a cross of shame upon which He would die! But those who had eyes to see kneeled before their thorn-crowned King, whose throne was the cruel cross in the royal courts of Calvary. Surely, “He was wounded for our transgression, He was bruised for our iniquity” (Isa. 53:5). It seems to me that by inviting us to take up our cross, He is inviting us to take up our shame, our sin, our pain, our worldly inclinations – no matter what they are or how we came to possess them – and to follow Him to Gethsemane and Golgotha. In those holy places of discipleship we are required to give our all, just as He gave His.

Moroni says it this way, “Yea, come unto Christ, and be perfected in him, and deny yourselves of all ungodliness; and if ye shall deny yourselves of all ungodliness, and love God with all your might, mind and strength, then is his grace sufficient for you, that by his grace ye may be perfect in Christ; and if by the grace of God ye are perfect in Christ, ye can in nowise deny the power of God” (Moro. 10:32). Indeed, it is through grace that we become heirs, heirs of God and joint-heirs with Christ, to become perfect even as they are (Titus 3:7; Rom 8:17).

In giving us this assignment to speak today Brother Hansen asked that we bear testimony and share with the congregation not only what we know but how we know. In this spirit I hope you will forgive me if I turn autobiographical. Close to twenty years ago I experienced a Christmas that I will never forget. My brothers and sister and I were filled with the excitement and entitlement of the season. I distinctly remember providing a whole catalogue to my mom to pass onto Santa with numerous circled items as my Christmas list. The much anticipated day finally arrived. At the time I had a paper route with my brother that required us to get up very early, even on Christmas morning. My room was in the basement. I made my way up the stairs expecting to see heaps of gifts piled under our light-covered tree in the living room at the top of the stairs. But instead, to my horror and dismay, I discovered that there was not one single gift under the tree! By this time I had been fully enlightened regarding the source of gifts on Christmas morning and I was quite annoyed with “Santa Clause”. Had he been too lazy or mean to deliver our presents? Could he even do that legally, I wondered? Throughout the paper route I stewed about this situation. I grew more and more anxious and angry with each toss of the paper. I decided that the presents better be there when I returned.

You might imagine that the first thing I did after I got home was hurry back to the living room to check the status of the tree. I quickly but quietly headed down the hallway, past the family room, into the entry, and turned the corner. To my shock and disbelief there was still not one single gift anywhere to be seen! And then, I saw it. My eyes were drawn to what I had previously failed to see in my rush and in my selfishness. Under the tree was a large picture of Jesus Christ. As is so often the case with spiritual learning it is difficult to describe what then took place for me. All in a moment I knew. I knew that I had been selfish, I knew that I had missed the mark. I knew that Jesus is the Christ and that He is the real reason for the season. The Spirit struck with such great force and power that it was as if, for a moment, that living room became like unto His heavenly courts and the Christmas tree His throne. There before the evergreen tree, the brilliant lights, and the crowning star – all symbols of His miraculous birth and mission – my little Spirit could not be constrained. I instinctively, literally fell to my knees in reverent worship with tear-stained cheeks. It is a sacred moment in a chain of grace-filled experiences wherein God, in His kindness, has spoken to my heart and strengthened me onward in His path. Those experiences have prepared me for and sustained me in all that has followed in my life.

I bear my witness that God lives and that His grace is sufficient. He is truly in the details of our lives and empowers us in our weakness. I humbly acknowledge His everlasting kindness in my behalf and gratefully praise Him. I know that Jesus is the Christ, the living son of the living God. He is my source of strength and succor. He has led me through my years as a child and been a lamp unto my feet. He has sustained me in the mission field, directed and magnified me in my studies, taught me in my callings, and answered my fervent prayers in time of need. He has spoken softly to me in quiet moments of revelation and chastened me in my pride and selfishness. He has blessed me with the miracle of eternal marriage and the gift of a child. He has been my comfort as I lay on a jungle floor, with guns at my back in the highlands of Guatemala. But perhaps even more important and certainly more profound, He has been my hope in the face of excruciating emotional and spiritual trial; trial found in the secret chambers of my heart but nevertheless known by Him who, as Paul said, “has been touched with the feeling of our infirmities”. I have gone before His throne of grace and He has fully proffered it, not always in ways or in timetables that I have asked, but He has always given. I join with Jacob, “Yea, my soul delighteth in his grace, and in his justice, and power and mercy in the great and eternal plan” (2 Ne. 11:5).

I have faith that the day will come, if I honor my covenants, when I will kneel before His literal throne. Then He will stretch forth His powerful but gentle hands of grace. Those same hands that have broken bread in sacred settings, that have given sight to the blind, and healed the sick, those same hands that were clasped in the agony of Gethsemane and wounded in brutal crucifixion, will also touch me! Then I will be fully healed – my wounds bound up, my robes washed white, my spirit freed – and so shall it be for all. Until then, His amazing grace will be my power in weakness.

I close with words from the great vision of the prophet Joseph, “And thus we saw the glory of the celestial, which excels in all things—where God, even the Father, reigns upon his throne forever and ever; Before whose throne all things bow in humble reverence, and give him glory forever and ever. They who dwell in his presence are the church of the Firstborn; and they see as they are seen, and know as they are known, having received of his fulness and of his grace; And he makes them equal in power, and in might, and in dominion. (D&C 76:92-95). In the name of the giver of all grace, even Jesus Christ, amen.

Friends of my Youth

2011-06-26T18:54:00.000-07:00

So much for blogging frequently! Though I have failed in my attempt to complete this series on praise in "several weeks" as I wrote at the outset, I would like to continue now. I recognize that at this rate I will be praising all year long, but I suppose that's not necessarily a bad thing. Today I would like to turn to my friends. There is a proverb that states, "the rich hath many friends" (Prov. 14:20). The preceding phrase in that verse refers to the poor, so I assume that this proverb quoted above is referring to people being drawn toward a rich man because of his wealth. I would like to assert, however, that the inverse of the proverb carries even more truth. We might say instead, "the man with many friends is rich." I don't know that I have many friends, but I sure have been blessed with some good ones!

I feel strongly that the Lord had a hand in guiding my parents to where they ended up in their move from Tooele to Salt Lake when I was 6 years old. I had the great opportunity to be a part of a neighborhood and ward that had enough kids to form a good group of friends but not too many to get lost in a huge crowd. Our neighborhood was also just barely inside the southern boundaries to attend Granite High, which in my teenage years became the environment for the greatest blessings of my life, aside from my home. That may sound silly, but the unique circumstances of that setting, and the incredible people and experiences found therein, could likely not have been duplicated elsewhere. The friends found in these places have had profound impacts on my development.

One of my first memories after moving into our home in West Valley was of Dorothy Gunderson bringing over coolers with some food inside. We must not have yet had a fridge hooked up and this was a kind and welcoming gesture from a neighbor. I don't recall how or when I actually met her son Brian, but he was a friend from the beginning. I have very fond memories of time spent at the Gundersons and around the neighborhood with Brian. We did get into our fair share of mischief, including frequent doorbell ditching, launching of various items from behind the safety of the cinderblock wall onto 4100 South at passing cars, and prank phone calls. But, overall, we were pretty good kids. At the end of junior high and then again at the end of high school we drifted apart some, I have great regrets about that, but thankfully we exchanged some letters during the mission and spent time together in the same student ward after we got home.

Brian is a man of many talents. I have never known a person closely who is as naturally gifted in his talents as he is. Just about anything I know about camping, fishing, and scouting I learned from Brian and his dad. He has a seemingly inborn gift to design and create. I still have a dream catcher that he made for me in junior high that could knock the socks off of any Native. He and his family do the most amazing carpentry you will ever see. In addition to this he plays the banjo with remarkable skill. What's more amazing is that it seems like he learned it over night. One day no one in our little group had even heard of Brian playing the banjo and the next he was literally a professional! What's more than all of this is Brian's kindness toward me. I do not ever recall a time when Brian was mean or cruel to me, not ever. For one who was sometimes teased, and within myself perceived unacceptance from others (probably mistakenly) for not being very athletic, this was a a friendship of comfort and safety for me.

Julie Memmott was my very first friend in the new neighborhood. My immediate next door neighbor and one of the youngest of 9 children, she became a hang out partner from the very first day we moved in. Swimming, jumping on the trampoline, playing Super Mario, making up crazy songs ("Dick Mano, Dick Mano, Dick Mano is the best softball coach"), and doing the Boot Scootin' Boogie in the driveway were some of the activities I remember most. Julie even took me to a girl's choice dance our sophomore year. We had many talks over the years on summer evenings in the front yard. Julie went through some tough times in the later years of high school. She made one of the most loving and difficult decisions any woman ever has to make. For that she merits praise for eternity!

Justin Rasmussen did not live in the neighborhood but I met him during my first or second year at Granger Elementary. At the time he was the dinosaur fanatic and the school bookworm. He became a good friend through the years as we advanced to junior high and high school together. We also both served our missions in Italy. Justin is very logical and practical but also quickly finds humor in life's circumstances. He was a great sounding board for me as more of an emotional thinker, especially in my youth. I also remember greatly appreciating the fact that information shared with Justin always stayed with him. He is a loyal friend.

I met Christine Tang in an "access" program (whatever that means) in junior high. Somehow we just connected, though I think it would be fair to say that our life experiences and personalities were quite different. Despite significant hardship, Christine was full of life. She is both very intelligent and fun. Junior high is a rough time, it certainly was for me anyway. But it was Christine, among others, who ultimately made the experience a positive one for me. She provided much needed support and advice relative to the opposite sex. She was also the first person to show me, without most likely ever knowing it, the extraordinary strength and resilience of the human spirit in our crazy world! I recently made contact with her again through Facebook and discovered that she has continued to be a strong and capable woman.

I have saved Justin for last. I met Justin Bradley shortly after our move. He lived just around the corner. We quickly became best friends and remained largely connected at the hip for the next 13 years until our missions. I dare say that no single person has played more of a role in my life outside of my family. I suspect I have spent more time with him, again outside of family, than any other person on the planet. He is more like a brother than a friend. The memories are countless. From Garfield's Christmas to swingset forts, and Jackson Hole to Lake Powell, we literally spent much of our childhood together. We played in the houses being constructed where Justin split his shin open and needed stitches, we biked the "rolos", we listened to 90's music on the radio and sang along to Billy Joel. He kicked my trash at basketball, we read scriptures together, we had sleepovers, we went to movies and restaurants, we played games and went fishing. As far as I know, there was nothing that I didn't know about him and nothing that he didn't know about me. Later, we did homework together, sang together, did Madrigals and All in the Voice, made BBC runs, and went to dances and on dates in the same group. We even worked at OfficeMax together. We did baptisms in the temple in the early hours of the morning before school, always hoping to catch a glimpse of the apostles as they went to their morning meeting. We talked and talked and talked, often into the late hours of the night in the old Camry or "The Baum". We shared many formative experiences.

In our youth we were competitive and we did have a few tumultuous periods, but as we matured the competition died away and we loved one another without condition and genuinely cheered each other on. I never could be upset with him long. In high school during a very brief conflict (my fault) I literally broke out in hives that went away as soon as things resolved. We also shared many sacred experiences together, which I continue to cherish. I will never forget a time in high school when I was experiencing difficulty. I don't even remember what it was, and I'm sure if I did I would be embarrassed that it was a big deal, but at the time apparently it was. Justin wrote me a letter expressing his friendship and offering me encouragement. I still have that letter in my things and have read it a few times over the years as I have moved or been organizing. It is a reminder of very happy memories and of a faithful friend. There were no two people in the world more excited than us to receive mission calls, at least that's how I felt. We got them on the same day and opened them together. Later, we received our endowment during the same session and left for our service just a week apart. Between the time of our calls and our departure we went to the temple together weekly. After our return home I was honored to be the best man at his wedding.

Justin has many gifts and talents, among them his musical ability, his kind heart, and not the least of them is his determination. He has always had the ability to put his mind to something and to do it. He has excelled at everything he has ever put his hand to. Of the many things I could highlight about Justin, I think one of the most admirable traits he possesses is honesty. I always remember him being truthful to others. Even when he had done something wrong, he was quick to confess. He does not have a mind to deceive. To him, I offer my praise and gratitude for being a friend for so many years despite all of my shortcomings.

There are many other friends from this time period that had an impact on my life that all deserve mention, though time and space will not allow it. I began to list them but came to the conclusion that to do so here would be dangerous, as I would surely leave someone out. Someday, I hope they too will see how they have touched or taught me.

In the gospel we speak of eternal families, bound together forever to inherit Celestial glory. I like to think that we also have eternal friends, though I cannot say with any certainty that that is doctrine. Although we are not sealed together through the priesthood, we do know that "the same sociality" exists in the world beyond that exists in our world today. I hope that we will have the opportunity to associate with the people we have come to love on the earth. Time has passed and I am no longer particularly close to most of the people mentioned here, but I still love them. I still admire them and acknowledge their contributions to my life. I know that I am a little bit on the sappy side, but I'm okay with that. I've embraced it! I like to think that one day we will all see each other in our true light. Others will be blessed to see clearly the small and large ways that they have touched our lives. We in turn will be able to thank them and praise them, without the barriers that so easily prevent us from doing so fully in mortality. It seems to me that some relationships and shared experiences transcend time, even if in time there is length and drifting apart. Some bonds never die, nor does the love which created them, even if they get buried by the changing circumstances of life.

To the friends of my youth, I offer my sincere praise.

Mi Esposa y mi hija

2011-02-27T18:58:00.000-08:00

It is only appropriate and fitting, following expressions to my family of origin, to express my praise to my own little family. This month Tania and I have been married for 3 years! We have known each other much longer than that. I met Tania in a student ward in Salt Lake. The first time I saw her I was sitting on the stand at church and she walked into the chapel to take a seat. I experienced a subtle impression that she would play an important role in my life. I cannot claim a blatant revelation of future marriage, but the quiet prompting proved true. Soon after, we actually met for the first time at a group camping trip in Moab. Despite her brushing me off initially (she will tell you a different version) we became fast friends. The details of that evolving friendship over the following years are many and I will spare you them here. Suffice it to say that, notwithstanding some minor tumult, she was my best friend, and a better friend no one could ask for. In the midst of trial she was a rock of strength and a boon of comfort. The many fun, exciting, emotional, and sacred moments we shared during this period of our relationship are cherished in the history of my life.

Tania's first and foremost desire is to do the will of the Lord. That inner inclination leads her to work hard to both do good and be good. She will be embarrassed to have me post this, but it does demonstrate her character. At one point in our friendship she was concerned that she had hurt me. She was in Boston at the time and flew across the country to make sure everything was okay. I had told her it was okay, and she knew that I would never let her spend all that money to fly to Salt Lake, so she just left a voicemail on my phone and came anyway. She loves people and works very hard to create good relationships, and that often means selfless sacrifice on her part. Later, despite my protests she took another expensive plane trip to Guatemala to be a friend to me in lonely and somewhat scary circumstances.

As many of you know, Tania is very intelligent. She attended Harvard Divinity School to receive a master's degree in theological studies. Modern academic studies of religion in most non-religious institutions are hardly places that promote real faith. In fact, in many respects they do the opposite. More than one scholar has lost their faith to intellectualism in the classrooms of theological schools. In that pressured social and academic environment, Tania did not falter in her faith. She clung to it and it grew. I don't think even I fully recognize the extraordinary faithfulness that she demonstrated during that period! Later, she was accepted to complete a PhD with full financial aide to one of the leading schools in religious studies in the country. Though I offered my full support, she chose to decline the offer for another invitation - to be a wife and mother. She has truly mingled with some of the brightest and high-status minds in the field, yet she is unconcerned with that kind of thing. She went from Harvard University to Richmond, Utah, and as far as I know never looked back. She cares nothing about wealth, status, or prestige; instead focusing on striving to be a good human being in the sphere she is in.

Tania is a great wife and mother. She is selfless, compassionate, and forgiving. She is constantly asking me what she can do for me, constantly thinking about our needs, constantly voicing love and support, and constantly serving cheerfully in the sometimes monotony of home life and childcare. I cannot adequately express what strength and confidence I receive from her seemingly unconditional love. She is nothing short of a miracle in my life. I consider her to be one of the evidences of God's goodness and grace toward me.

Clara is now 15 months old! I posted about her when she turned 1 year, so I will not write at length. I will simply say that she is teaching me so much even in her infancy. She is so innocent and pure, so genuine and joyful, so trusting and determined. We are seeing more of her personality all the time. She is smart, playful, tender, and dang cute!

I offer my loving praise to my best friend and to my little girl.

La Famiglia

2011-02-06T09:38:00.000-08:00

No group of people has had as profound and lasting an impact on me than my family. It seems only right to first attempt to offer a garment of praise to the major participants of that formative unit. Lest this be construed as a blogging brag session, allow me to preface. Home was not a perfect place. Like most families we fought, we made messes and mistakes, we complained, we ruined, we teased, and we even hurt each other at times. However, overall it was a place of love and acceptance. No matter what happened outside of home, I always knew that I was unconditionally loved and accepted by my family. I, in turn, love and accept each of them without condition or reservation. To each member of my family I offer praise. There are many traits and gifts that I recognize in each of them, but today I will focus on just one or two that are particularly meaningful to me, and perhaps also, less obvious to people outside the family.

My dad is a unique man in the world. This becomes more and more clear as I get older. In all my 30 years I have never once heard him raise his voice in anger or say an unkind word toward my mom. Not once. I think my siblings would say the same. This is remarkable to me as I observe other relationships and navigate the dynamics of marriage myself. His calm patience is unparalleled anywhere I've observed. He is also a genuinely meek and humble person. These terms are so misunderstood, I think, in our culture. The person truly possessed of humility does not know that they are humble. It is a trait that is unaware of itself. I've never seen my dad seek for status, position, wealth, or recognition - not even subtly or covertly. He is quietly confident and secure with himself but also knows on Whom he relies. Because there is no need to protect or defend an underlying fragile ego I've never discerned in him even a hint of jealousy, criticism, posturing, or comparison of others.

My mom is a sensitive soul. We most often think of parents watching kids grow and develop. We don't talk as much about kids watching parents grow, which of course they all obviously do through the process of raising a family and having other life experiences. It has been an inspiring thing to watch my mom reverse the effects of defeating early life experiences. That is not an easy journey to take but I know she has put all her heart and faith into it. Her sensitivity lends itself to service and to loyalty. She is absolutely committed to the gospel and has been a wonderful example of consecrating herself for the Lord's work. My mom always takes her callings seriously and works hard to give her best to God. She is another link in a chain of faithful saints who have given their all for the cause of the kingdom!

Lisel is my only older sibling and my only sister. I have always looked up to her. She always prepared the way for me in church and school, which made me - a relatively shy person - much more comfortable. I think it also facilitated life-long friendships, especially in high school. It has been pretty amazing to see her grow and develop as a person, particularly in her role as wife and mother. She is an incredible mom. Everyone always tells her that, and it's true! Somehow she has just the right combination of gifts and characteristics to focus on the meaningful priorities and enjoy the journey at the same time. One of the traits I most admire about Lisel is her ability to connect with others. She is very easy to get along with and has always made lots of friends wherever she has gone. If charity is kind, and envies not, and is not puffed up, and seeks not her own, and is not easily provoked, then I'd say she has charity.

Mike and I are only 16 months apart. We were frequently mistaken as twins growing up, though now we look quite different from each other (my 40 lbs in the past few years solved that problem!). We shared a lot together and Mike always helped to make things fun. Mike is known by many for his generous heart. Sometimes he acts tuff, but when it comes right down to it he is as giving as Santa Clause. Of the many traits that are praiseworthy within him, the one I would like to highlight is his determination. Some might say he is stubborn, but I think a more accurate description would be tenacious. A great example is Mike's decision last year to run a marathon. He started training and never missed a day. As far as I recall he never walked a single time in all of his training runs! Keep in mind that this was in the middle of winter in Vernal. I started to train several weeks after him and ended up giving up because of tendonitis after only getting up to 10 miles or so. But even before that, I definitely walked at times. When he puts his mind to something, he does it.

Tyler was named after my paternal grandfather and inherited his gifts for being a people person. He has a cheerful disposition just like the prophet Joseph, I imagine. He is also definitely the most outwardly touchy-feely among the bunch of us. He has a way of cheering people up along with him, which is a remarkable strength. Tyler should be recognized for his influence for good on people in his life. In high school he was the quarterback on a team where the great majority of the players did not share his values. Despite that pressure he stayed true to himself and influenced many of them in a positive direction. I have watched him do the same thing many times since then with other friends and people he has responsibility over. He has a capacity to reach out in non-judgmental ways to show genuine friendship and urge people to greater happiness by his example.

Shayne is the youngest and the smartest of all of us (Don't argue, Ty!). He is my superior in height, intellect, and dance skills, among other things! I could say a lot about his lack of self-consciousness and his courage to eat various assortments of nastiness, but that would possibly reinforce his daredevil ways and, more importantly, not give credit to his spiritual gifts. Shayne is wise beyond his years and is able to impart that wisdom in a very unassuming and even humorous way. His testimony of Jesus Christ has been forged through adversity. I've not met very many people with as pure a desire to do good before the Lord as Shayne. He has gone to great lengths to do that which is righteous and honorable, and he has succeeded. He is about to get married and I am confident that he will continue to be a great instrument in the hands of the Lord as he begins his family.

Several years ago under circumstances in which I realized I may be at death's door I experienced an unusual peace about that prospect. I was scared, but I was not scared of death. Strangely, I was comforted about that possibility and knew that I would be okay if it were to happen. The most difficult thought on that doorstep was that I would be leaving my family behind (I was not married at the time so Tania and Clara had not yet become my own family). It was the feeling that flowed from an image of being separated from people that I love so much that had me terrified. I am so grateful that never came to pass. I cannot begin to express how much they have inspired me, strengthened me, and taught me. I offer to each of them my most heartfelt praise.

The Garment of Praise

2011-01-30T20:02:00.000-08:00

It's been over two months since my last post. I guess I haven't had anything profound to say. I have thought quite a bit about this year, which of course, is now well under way. Sometimes as I look over my life I feel like I have digressed. I don't know if that really is the case, I sure hope it's not anyway. But, at times it seems there have been periods of my life when I was more generous and giving of myself, more faith-filled, more humble, and more charitable than I am now. This year, in my own personal endeavors and in our family, we have decided to really focus on becoming the kind of people we want to be, with a few of the things I just mentioned in mind.

Several weeks ago in Sunday School we were discussing the Savior's declaration of His messianic mission to the people of his native Nazareth. It is a familiar passage. Jesus quoted from the words of Isaiah and then proclaimed to his fellow worshippers that on that day the scripture had been fulfilled. As part of our discussion we turned to Isaiah 61, where we read the words of the messianic prophecy in their fullness straight from the mouth of Isaiah. One of the phrases tucked within those poetic verses caught my attention and caused me to ponder. The Messiah, it is promised, along with healing the broken-hearted and liberating the captives, will give "the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness". What a beautiful statement!

I once sat in an Institute class in which one of the class members was a former gymnast. She was paralyzed from the waist down following an accident during a gymnastics routine in a college competition. A video had been produced about her - by the Church I believe - and the instructor of the course was familiar with it. The teacher showed us the video, which concluded with the woman's inspiring testimony. When the film ended the class spontaneously arose and gave her a standing ovation. It was an electrifying moment. The class then grew quiet and the instructor spoke. He said, in effect, that he believed if a movie were to be made about each individual life in the classroom there would likely be many standing ovations.

Often extraordinary struggles and victories are very quiet, never making the evening news or the latest blog post. Fortunately, we have the Master Healer, the Eternal Judge who in the midst of such circumstances offers to clothe us in the garment of praise. Though unseen by the world, such a garment is of eternal value to the recipient. Most do not live their lives with only the pursuit of praise as their goal, but most would agree that receiving commendation from time to time is needed and appreciated. Ultimately, the only praise that matters is His praise. Nevertheless, if I want to pattern my life after His, I think it is appropriate to develop the capacity and the gift to offer praise as kindly, as quickly, and as generously to my fellowman as He does. Too often, I'm afraid, I am sewing cloaks of criticism in my heart rather than garments of praise. In the arrogance of my mind I have a closet full of such cloaks. The garments of praise that I do create, too frequently go ungiven.

What makes us so hesitant to praise our brother or our sister? Why do we so easily hold back in pride or embarrassment? I do at least. But this, I will change!

Over the next several weeks I would like to try an experiment on my blog. We will see if time will allow it. I would like to use my blog as a venue to give the garment of praise. I will focus on some of the people in my life who have had a profound impact on me and/or my family. Of course the number of people is countless and it would be impossible to address them all. I plan to address groups of people defined by periods/stages of my life, or by shared events/circumstances.

I have debated within myself the wisdom and propriety of this type of blogging. First, obviously the best way to offer sincere praise is in private. Perhaps the most meaningful way to do this would be through intimate conversations and personal thank you cards, and I'd like to do more of that too. But I also think there is an appropriate place for public commendation. I believe we can all learn from the ways in which people touch other people's lives. I will not share anything that is too personal for this setting. Second, it is always dangerous to name names. Inevitably someone is hurt or offended that their name didn't get mentioned, or that they perceive the comments directed to them to be shorter or less meaningful than for someone else. My hope is that this effort will be encouraging and edifying, not upsetting. Again, there is no way that I can mention everyone. If I happen not to mention one of the handful of people who follow this blog (quite unlikely since I think it's mostly my family and a couple of close friends) I express my love and appreciation. I would ask that you join me in celebrating the goodness of others without any interpretation of either receiving a slight from me or of not having significant impact on me to merit mention - neither of which would be true.

Now I just hope that I can start this before another two months pass by!

One Year With Clara

2010-11-27T10:06:00.001-08:00

Just one year ago last week I became a father. Clara Cherie, named after maternal and paternal grandmothers, arrived safely at about 7:00 a.m. on November 21st. I admit that I didn't know quite what to expect. My main concerns, of course, were that she would be healthy and strong. But, with her father's genes on board I was also a bit worried that she could be an ugly baby! Well, she was healthy and strong, and she was also beautiful from the first second she was born.

To me Clara is a miracle. You mights say that I'm over-reacting or prone to hyperbole, but to me she is another testament in my life of the wonderful kindness of a loving Father. She has been a great blessing for Tania and I.

I have several memories from this first year with Clara that I would like to share. I will never forget when she was born. It was pretty amazing to witness that process and to meet her for the first time. There have been a few occasions in my life where an experience was totally new, yet somehow at the same time quite familiar. So it was with the arrival of Clara. Up until she was born she was only an image in my imagination, but strangely it was as if I knew her all along. My emotional threshold in that moment was overwhelmed, I must admit, and I was choked up as the doctor asked if I wanted to cut the cord, which I did.

The first week after Clara was born was also Thanksgiving. Between the holiday and the days off from work for her birth, we had a whole week together as a family without the interruptions of work and other obligations. I remember one particular day during that week when we brought Clara into the living room and I played the guitar as we sang together. A peaceful, happy spirit filled the room. I remember thinking and feeling at that moment that this is what it is all about!

Giving Clara a name and a blessing through the priesthood was also a special experience. I feel like the Spirit really guided us in naming Clara. I also felt special direction in pronouncing the blessings and promises reserved for this little girl. That was another day when the Spirit was close and emotions were very near the surface.

The first few weeks after Clara was born were a bit difficult at night, much more so for Tania than for me. I tried to help as much as I could, though that was limited because I wasn't the food source. One night very early on I was helping Tania change a diaper. The diaper was off and Clara was lying on my side of the bed. She apparently saw that as an opportune time to relieve some pressure. The projectile excretions were too fast and too extensive to be contained! The result was poop everywhere and a quick changing of clothes and sheets. As long as we are talking about her penchant for dramatic bowel movements, I should also mention that Clara enjoyed that activity during Elder's Quorum for several weeks at one point, much to the embarrassment of her father.

Clara is a very tenacious little baby. She has always been very social, though she has been more clingy to mom lately. Once she warms up she loves interacting and playing with adults and kids. She is also very strong-willed. I am confident that this trait will be a foundation for her to be stalwart and faithful in a difficult world. We have also started to see a very sensitive side to Clara. She will often begin to cry if you laugh at her for doing something silly or if another kid is crying in front of her.

All of the milestones have been fun to watch - smiling, cooing and babbling, rolling over, crawling, learning words and signs, playing games, recognizing people, and singing. I swear that kid's smile and laugh could warm the coldest heart in the world. There are few things better than holding her in my arms and rocking her to sleep, which sadly she has now almost entirely outgrown. For awhile there, as I would rock her she would sing, "Aih, aih, aih, aih, aih." Often as we hold her in our arms she will reach out and touch our faces.

Clara has loved bath time and playing in water since the beginning. She enjoys books and stories, singing primary songs, and clapping to 'The Price is Right'. She insists on climbing the stairs even though she has not yet mastered coming down. She has a sweet tooth to rival her daddy's, even loved root beer in the womb! She is very active, fights sleep at nearly all sleep times (I keep telling her that one day she will find sleep to be glorious!), and she is jabbering and signing more and more all the time.

Admittedly, I don't know much about being a parent yet. Even professional training cannot totally prepare you for the responsibility of appropriately raising a little human being. If I think about that too deeply I get a little overwhelmed. At times the job feels a bit powerless. You cannot force or control, you can't always take away pain, and you can't be sure you're getting it right. Yet, despite that, it brings a lot of happiness, and fun, and optimism. I want so much to do good for Clara. One thing is for sure, I've got plenty of love for her. I used to think that people were exaggerating when they would say, "You can't know the love of a parent for a child until you are one." Now I know what they mean. Just one look at those big brown eyes and puffy cheeks and I soften. When days at work are particularly long or difficult it helps to look at my pictures of Tania and Clara on my desk. Those pictures remind me why I'm doing what I'm doing. They inspire me to persist in gratitude.

I love my Clara. I'm so grateful to be her dad. I pray that God will make me equal to the task of what she deserves. I also pray that we will have many more birthdays with a healthy and happy daughter!

Recommendation

2010-10-31T17:03:00.000-07:00

In May 2009 The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints started a radio channel with unique LDS programming all day, everyday. Many of you are likely familiar with The Mormon Channel. In the springtime when I was doing a lot of yard work I was looking around for stuff to put on my ipod that I might listen to as I worked. I had heard about The Mormon Channel and decided to look into it. It was a great discovery! I thought they might just have songs from the Tabernacle Choir and conference talks, which they do, but they also have a lot more. I found several programs that are exclusive and unique to The Mormon Channel. The home page (radio.lds.org) shows the current schedule and you can listen live online. You can also find the station on the radio in several U.S. markets (though Cache Valley is not one of them :( ). All of the programs can be downloaded as MP3 files and put into itunes, and I believe most of them are also podcasts. You can also look up individual episodes and listen to the file without any downloading.

There is a program called Conversations that is particularly interesting and uplifting. In these episodes members of the church with an "interesting story or unique perspective" are interviewed by Sheri Dew and Ruth Todd. Many of the episodes are interviews with members of the Quorum of the Twelve, the Seventy, and Auxiliary presidencies. These interviews are typically conducted by Sheri Dew and they usually involve the Church leader and their spouse, though in the case of Elder Scott and Julie Beck they are interviewed with their children. The other interviews consist of people such as Susan Easton Black (BYU professor of Church History), Michael F. Moody (participant on the church music committee for many years), and Gary Ceran (lost his wife and several children in a tragic car accident). Most of these other interviews are hosted by Ruth Todd. The interviews are largely informal, which provides a view of the general authorities that we don't often get. Being a lover of biography, it was especially fun for me to hear of their childhood, the way the Lord shaped their life, and their own family life with spouse and children. All of the episodes have provided great insights and an opportunity to be edified by the Spirit.

Other programs that I find especially entertaining are Mormon Identity and Into All the World. Mormon Identity is a program hosted by Robert Millet (professor of religious education at BYU). He engages in conversations about gospel doctrines or practices with another person, usually a professor, author, educator, or expert. These episodes, which are about 30 minutes each in length, are very meaningful in giving perspective on doctrines and other concepts. Some of my favorites are the episode on "the only true and living church", "justification and sanctification", and "Emotional Health of Latter-day Saints".

Into All the World is a program hosted by an audio-visual guy that works for the Church. He interviews currently serving and recently released mission presidents and stake presidents in all parts of the world. The first episode features Massimo De Feo, who is the current stake president in Rome. This program is great in recognizing the growth, progress, and spirit of the Church in all corners of the globe.

After I discovered all that The Mormon Channel had to offer I downloaded several programs and subscribed to podcasts. It was awesome to listen on my ipod as I ran (when I was running) and as I mowed the lawn or worked in the yard. I really enjoyed the time to learn, to be edified, and to ponder the course of my own life and my attempts at discipleship. I think The Mormon Channel is one of the greatest media forms the Church has produced! It offers an uplifting and unique spiritual feast. I highly recommend it to all.

To Anonymous

2010-10-25T22:21:00.000-07:00

I attempted to reply to comments posted by anonymous on my recent series of posts, but I got way too long-winded and it wouldn't let me publish a comment that long! Apparently there is a limit of 4,096 characters (random number!) and this response is 4,812. If you're interested, please see the comment feed from the previous post to follow the dialogue.

Anonymous,

I obviously know who you are. Again, I appreciate your feedback and have thought deeply about what you have shared. Please know that my recent posts have not been directed at any one individual. They have been the result of observations in the world around me over the past numerous months. I sincerely love you. The plain fact is, I miss you.

I will clarify a couple of points and then let my comments and your comments stand for what they are (obviously you can feel free to make any additional comments you wish to make). First, narcissistic personality disorder is a disorder of the character or personality of an individual with a pervasive pattern of traits (mentioned in part I) across various domains of life that cause significant impairment. Nevertheless, as with many mental disorders there is a severity spectrum. Someone with this disorder may actually appear quite functional in many aspects of their life. I used an example of what the disorder may look like to illustrate the meaning of the word, with all of its nuances. Often the word narcissism is used interchangeably with the word arrogant or egotistical in common language, but I think it is really quite a bit more than that. However, in talking about intellectual narcissism I switched and was not talking about a diagnosable condition, which is why I repeatedly referred to traits, tendencies, and characteristics. In fact, I even said that often the person with intellectual narcissism from my observation does not necessarily exhibit that narcissism in other areas of their life. I was using the word to express an attitude and a presentation exhibited by some. If this was, or still is, confusing or unclear, I apologize.

Second, I did not suggest that anyone who "merely" disagrees with "my" prophet is an intellectual narcissist. Nor did I suggest that people who get PhDs, use sophisticated vocabulary, or rely on something other than prophetic authority to find truth are intellectual narcissists. It is important to note that I was obviously speaking to a Latter-day Saint audience. I suggested that people who love and inflate their intellect, their degrees, and their vocabulary and use them to put themselves above the revealed word, the prophets, and sometimes God Himself may be intellectual narcissists. I also suggested people with an excessive focus on the intellect at the expense of the spirit, who then use that gift to tear down others and vaunt themselves may be intellectual narcissists as well.

Third, you have implied in your comments here and in your comments in a previous post that I am somehow opposed to truth discovery in any form other than "prophetic authority". This is not the case. I happen to believe in truth from any and all sources from which real truth may sprout. I find doctrines and practices rooted in truth from science, Buddhism, Native American traditions, Catholicism, and many other sources beautiful, miraculous, and profound. I have no qualms with seeming discrepancies. The world is not black and white. I have personal faith that all truth can be circumscribed into one great whole. What I take issue with is the rejection or criticism of truth, no matter its source and no matter its target. Just because I generally write about truths as expressed in Mormonism does not mean that I reject truth from other sources, as long as it is truth. Each person must find that truth for themselves. I may disagree with their methods and their conclusions (and, I believe, should be able to express that) but that does not mean I do not appreciate their efforts. I may even make judgments about their methods and conclusions but I try hard not to make judgments about them! I admit that this was not expressed well in the posts, thus creating an "us vs. them" feel. I have learned for next time.

Fourth, I love President Uchtdorf too! :)

Fifth, I absolutely agree that perceived righteousness is an invitation to pride. Is there pride in me? I am full of it. I pray daily that I can root it out of me and be truly humble. My faith invites me to a conversion of the heart, to be a true disciple of Jesus Christ. That's what I want more than anything in the world. I do not want to be a hypocrite who self-righteously performs checklists and adheres to "cultural doctrines". I do not just "claim" to direct these posts to me - I DO. Are there narcissistic traits in me? Without question. I'm working on that as well. Is there a beam in my eye? There are probably a few. I do appreciate the reminder (that is not sarcastic - I really do).

Sixth, while I disagree with some of the conclusions you have come to in your life, and it appears that you disagree with some of mine, please give me the benefit of the doubt that I have not "forgotten" that "one must depend on God himself and the spirit to decide what is right despite what that authority figure says". I know and trust that your conclusions have not come from a place of malice or ill intent. I know that there has been significant struggle that has brought you to where you are. Please know that it is also excruciating spiritual and emotional struggle that has brought me to where I am. You suggest it is "easy" to "decide that one particular man speaks for God". But I would like to offer that sometimes it is actually quite difficult. It is ONLY because of God and the Spirit that I have taken the path I have taken, independent of any other. It is the personal witness to my mind and heart that has led me to faith, when it would have been significantly more "easy" to go elsewhere. It is the wonderful comfort, the reassuring grace, the unmistakable testimony that has come from Him in the midst of my own suffering that has brought me to want to follow Him and His servants, imperfectly as I do.

I ask for your forgiveness for any offense I have caused in this discussion. I express my love and my desire for eternal friendship.

-C.J.

Intellectual Narcissism: Part III

2010-09-05T21:42:00.000-07:00

The word of God, both ancient and modern, abounds with references to the intellectual narcissist, though that phrase is never used. Scripture and the teachings of modern-day prophets provide prophecies and warnings regarding the man, woman, or society that loves itself and its intellect more than God.

Prophecies

In discussing the "perilous times" of the "last days", Paul the Apostle wrote to Timothy that, "Men shall be lovers of their own selves, covetous, boasters, proud...heady, highminded, lovers of pleasure more than lovers of God; having a form of Godliness, but denying the power thereof...ever learning, and never able to come to a knowledge of the truth" (2 Tim 3:1-7, italics added).

In Lehi's great dream found in the beginning of the Book of Mormon he saw a group of people who were "clinging" to the iron rod (side note - this is a very interesting word choice here if you compare it to another group of people who pressed forward "continually holding fast" to the rod in 1 Ne. 8:30) and pressing forward to partake of the fruit of the tree of life. They made it to the tree and began to partake of the fruit but became "ashamed" after the exceedingly fine dressed men and women in a great and spacious building started mocking them. After they had partaken of the glorious, sweet, and precious fruit they "fell away into forbidden paths and were lost" because they were embarrassed (1 Ne. 8:24-30). Later when Nephi receives the same dream with additional interpretation we are informed as to what the great and spacious building represents, "Behold the world and the wisdom thereof...the pride of the world (1 Ne. 11:35-36).

In the great prophetic chapters at the conclusion of 2 Nephi, Nephi teaches us again about the latter days, "...and they shall teach with their learning, and deny the Holy Ghost, which giveth utterance. And they deny the power of God...Yea, and there shall be many which shall teach after this manner, false and vain and foolish doctrines, and shall be puffed up in their hearts, and shall seek deep to hide their counsels from the Lord..." (2 Ne. 28:4-9, italics added).

Mormon and Moroni saw our day. Moroni wrote, "I know that ye do walk in the pride of your hearts; and there are none save a few only who do not lift themselves up in the pride of their hearts...unto envying, and strifes, and malice, and persecutions...O ye pollutions, ye hypocrites, ye teachers, who sell yourselves for that which will canker, why have ye polluted the church of God? Why are ye ashamed to take upon you the name of Christ?" (Mormon 8:35-38, italics added).

Finally, from the Savior himself we discover that in the last days some of the "very elect, who are the elect according to the covenant" shall be deceived (JS-Matt 1:22).

Indeed, it is clear that it has long been prophesied that in the latter days intellectual narcissism would be prevalent and prominent. It also appears that, among other issues, it has been and will increasingly be a source of self-deceit and apostasy - including among the elect, even those that have tasted of the precious fruit of the tree of life.

Warnings

The scriptures and words of prophets are also abundant with warnings regarding intellectual pride.

Elder Dallin H. Oaks gave a wonderful talk years ago entitled, Our Strengths Can Become Our Downfall (see speeches.byu.edu). In the discourse he states, "Satan uses every possible device to accomplish his purpose to degrade and enslave every soul...We generally think of Satan attacking us at our weakest spot...But our weakness are not the only areas where we are vulnerable. Satan can also attack us where we think we are strong - in the very areas where we are proud of our strengths. He will approach us through the greatest talents and spiritual gifts we possess. If we are not wary, Satan can cause our spiritual downfall by corrupting us through our strengths as well as by exploiting our weaknesses...Other illustrations of how our strengths can become our downfall concern the activity of learning. A desire to know is surely a great strength. A hunger to learn is laudable, but the fruits of learning make a person particularly susceptible to the sin of pride...It is easy for the learned and the accomplished to forget their own limitations and their total dependence upon God. Accomplishments in higher education bring persons much recognition and real feelings of self-sufficiency. But we should remember the Book of Mormon's frequent cautions not to boast in our own strength or wisdom lest we be left to our own strength or wisdom."

From Lehi's dream we see the tragic ending for the wisdom of the world as found in that great and spacious building. "And it came to pass that I saw and bear record, that the great and spacious building...fell, and the fall thereof was exceedingly great...Thus shall be the destruction of all nations, kindreds, tongues, and people, that shall fight against the twelve apostles of the Lamb" (1 Ne. 11:36, italics added).

From the great prophecies of Nephi we hear, "O the wise, and the learned, and the rich, that are puffed up in the pride of their hearts, and all those who preach false doctrines...wo, wo, wo be unto them, saith the Lord God Almighty, for they shall be thrust down to hell!...Yea, wo be unto him that hearkeneth unto the precepts of men, and denieth the power of God, and the gift of the Holy Ghost!...And in fine, wo unto all those who tremble, and are angry because of the truth of God! For behold, he that is built upon the rock receiveth it with gladness...Cursed is he that putteth his trust in man, or maketh flesh his arm, or shall hearken unto the precepts of man..." (2 Ne. 28:15, 26, 28, 31).

From Isaiah we are warned, "Wo unto them that call evil good, and good evil, that put darkness for light, and light for darkness, that put bitter for sweet, and sweet for bitter! Wo unto the wise in their own eyes and prudent in their own sight!" (2 Ne. 15:20-21, italics added).

Finally, the most direct words come from Jacob, the brother of Nephi. "O that cunning plan of the evil one! O the vainness, and the frailties, and the foolishness of men! When they are learned they think they are wise, and they hearken not unto the counsel of God, for they set it aside, supposing they know of themselves, wherefore, their wisdom is foolishness and it profiteth them not. And they shall perish." (2 Ne. 9:28).

Needless to say, there are a lot of "woes" directed toward the intellectual narcissist! May we remember that "to be learned is good, IF [we] hearken unto the counsels of God" (2 Ne. 9:29). Humility and charity are the great antidotes to the spiritual poison of narcissism.

Intellectual Narcissism: Part II

2010-08-23T21:04:00.000-07:00

In the previous post I attempted to define the intellectual, the narcissist, and the intellectual narcissist. It is obvious that the most susceptible crowd to intellectual narcissism is the learned and educated. The gaining of knowledge and intelligence is a noble thing, indeed. However, paradoxically, sometimes our strengths are our greatest weakness.

One of the problems (among many) with intellectual narcissism is that it can have a detrimental effect on faith and spirituality. From a latter-day saint perspective I can see at least two significant issues with this kind of narcissism interfacing with spirituality:

1) In the individual where it finds expression there is typically an arrogant focus on the intellect and reason alone for determining and confirming truth. Again, there is nothing wrong with the intellect or reason, even in matters of spirituality (D&C 88:78-80, 118; 90:15; 93:36; 130:18-19). In fact, we learn that knowledge and wisdom - and the ability to teach those attributes - are spiritual gifts (Moro. 10:9-10; D&C 46:17-18). Nevertheless, a hyper-focus on intellect alone tends to naturally alienate or dismiss thoughts and feelings that are whispered by the unseen Still, Small Voice to the "mind and heart". Intellectual reason encourages acceptance, among other criteria, of observable, repeatable, and quantifiable results to determine truth - appropriately so, I believe. But consequently, when taken alone, any other form of truth discovery, such as those thoughts and feelings mentioned above, is explained away with reductionistic physiological and psychological theories. So, something like the powerful conversion of a soul with accompanying changes of thought, feeling, and behavior, might be described in terms of firing neurotransmitters or attachment theory. As a result, promptings, revelations, miracles, faith, and other spiritual experiences are viewed with disdain, sympathy, or academic distance and either watered-down or rejected; even though the intellectual postulates fall flat in the face of the experience and results of something like a mighty change of heart in an individual life!

For the intellectual narcissist the discovery and recognition of great spiritual truth can thus be impaired, much like seeing the world through one eye. The impairment is often fueled by their perceived success at being a uniquely rational and objective person. Such perceptions tie into their fantasies of ideal intelligence and their need for admiration and acceptance by like-minded intellectuals.

2) Narcissism and pride are twins, who are always found in company together. With the paradigm described above, and the twin characteristics just noted lodged in the heart, there is a tendency for the intellectual narcissist to place him or herself above the word of God. They will not accept that "as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are [God's] ways higher than [our] ways, and [his] thoughts than [our] thoughts" (Isa 55:9). They go about ignoring, criticizing, and/or rejecting God's doctrine and His chosen servants, having - for some at least - forgotten sacred covenants.

There is a story in the Old Testament that at first glance appears rather brutal. The Philistines had captured the ark of the covenant and taken it away after a battle. After having been cursed with plagues they gave the ark back and King David retrieved it to bring it back to Jerusalem. As they traveled, the story goes, the oxen shook the ark so that it appeared it was about to fall. Uzzah "put forth his hand" to prevent the ark from falling and "took hold of it". Uzzah, despite good intentions, made a terrible mistake and "God smote him there for his error". (See 2 Sam. 6:1-11).

This may seem extreme, but a powerful lesson is being taught. The ark of the covenant was a symbol of God's presence. In the temple only the high priest could approach it in the Holy of Holies, and then only with very clear prerequisites. Uzzah's error was that he did not have stewardship or authority to touch the ark, and, most importantly, he doubted that God knew what He was doing and had all power to protect the workmanship of His hands. He presumptuously reached forth to "steady the ark" when it was not his place to do so and God (remember the symbolism here) did not need steadying from a mere mortal.

The ark-steadiers today are those who, even with good intentions, believe they know better than God and the prophets about how to direct His work. They are not those who may be struggling with a particular doctrine or practice and humbly working toward acceptance and testimony. They are, instead, those who may pridefully proclaim that doctrines and prophets are in error. They then seek to counsel the Lord instead of taking counsel from His hand, even though He counsels "in wisdom, and in justice, and in great mercy, over all His works" (Jacob 4:10). This is where a sense of entitlement is especially evident. The intellectual narcissist ark-steadier - with his or her IQ, PhD, and worldly philosophy in hand - tells the church and its leaders by book and blog, by tweet and testimony, what they should and should not be doing. Their unsolicited opinion is rooted in personal preference and self-proclaimed learning. Tragically some get to the point where they eventually exalt themselves to be prophets unto themselves while they reject the oracles of God, and are left to "kick against the pricks". Like Elder Maxwell used to say, "There will always be some who leave the church but can never leave it alone."

President McKay, speaking of the story of Uzzah, stated, "He seemed justified, when the oxen stumbled, in putting forth his hand to steady that symbol of the covenant...[but] let us look around us and see how quickly men who attempt unauthoritatively to steady the ark die spiritually. Their souls become embittered, their minds distorted, their judgments faulty, and their spirits depressed. Such is the pitiable condition of men who, neglecting their own responsibilities, spend their time in finding fault with others." (McKay, Gospel Ideals, p. 258).

No doubt about it, intellectual narcissism erodes, if not destroys, faith and spirituality. It leads to rejection of revelation and spiritual manifestation. It leads to rejection of the prophets and counseling the Lord.

Stay tuned for part III, dealing with prophecies and warnings.

Intellectual Narcissism: Part I

2010-08-16T20:55:00.000-07:00

Intellectual:

1) a person of superior intellect.

2) a person who places a high value on or pursues things of interest to the intellect or the more complex forms or fields of knowledge.

3) an extremely rational person; a person who relies on intellect rather than on emotions or feelings.

Narcissism:

This term has its roots in Greek mythology from the character Narcissus. The story says that Narcissus haughtily rejected romantic admirers and was therefore cursed by the gods to fall in love with himself. One day in the woods he saw his reflection in a pond and fell in love with the mirrored manifestation of himself. He was doomed to pine away his love on an image that could never return the same. He sat at the pond until he died there, unable to leave the grips of his love for the person in the pond, who was actually himself.

In the mental health world we define narcissism as an inflated or grandiose sense of self. It is characterized by several traits:

- An arrogant or haughty attitude with exaggerated self-importance (inflates perceived talents and achievements).

- A sense of entitlement (expects especially favorable treatment and compliance with personal preferences).

- A belief of being special or unique such that the rules for others do not apply to self.

- Fantasies of ideal power, intelligence, love, success, riches, etc.

- An excessive need for praise and admiration from others.

- Envy of others or belief that others are envious of oneself.

- A lack of empathy, the ability to understand the feelings and needs of others.

To a certain extent there is narcissism in all of us. Unfortunately in some it is found in greater degrees and often causes significant impairment in their life, particularly in their relationships (as you might imagine). At the root of narcissism is shame - shame of oneself and in oneself at the core, which is compensated with an inflated ego. Rarely is there full insight and awareness into the shame or the outward narcissism. The narcissist is so fragile internally that most challenges are met with a narcissistic defense, which takes the form of criticism of the challenger or a display of the narcissist's perceived "gifts".

For example, I once worked with a woman (details of story are adjusted to protect identity and confidentiality) for a short time in an acute setting. She was constantly making references to her "position" in the community. She endlessly talked about herself and made sure to drop details about her achievements so that all might recognize her grandeur. She was divorcing her spouse of many years after she engaged in a long pattern of destructive behavior, but it was all "his fault". She had also just lost her job but it was only because the people under her just didn't want to make the environment a better one like she did. The individual was unable to find treatment in Logan because providers just weren't "good enough". Finally, I attempted to lightly and empathically confront the narcissism. I gave her several chapters of a book to read on the subject. She appeared receptive initially and agreed to read. The following day I met with her again. She claimed to have read the whole book. Her only comments were literary criticisms of the author, and she "ought to know" about these things because she had done such and such for many years! Needless to say, the diagnosis had been solidified.

There are several easy to identify examples of narcissism from people in the news these days: Rod Blagojevich (impeached former Illinois governor charged with trying to "sell" the senate seat previously held by President Obama), Rush Limbaugh (controversial radio talk show host who displays a life size portrait of himself in his entry to his home), Lindsay Lohan (decompensating former child star and recent jail bird), and Tiger Woods (pro golfer and sex addict). Sorry to any of you fans out there. I'm not suggesting any of these people are bad people. I'm suggesting that they exhibit observable narcissistic tendencies.

Folks with strong narcissistic traits are not always so blatant. In fact, it is my experience that many times the characteristics are much more subtle. Some narcissists have developed social savvy sufficient to conform to appropriate norms and mores. So, they may be skilled at outward expressions of empathy but at deeper levels do not really feel or act on empathy to any great degree. There is usually hubris in their humility. A sense of entitlement becomes most obvious in their more intimate relationships. Secret fantasies of being rich and famous, or powerful and heroic, or noble and brilliant often fill their imagination. Quiet jealousy reigns when neighbor buys the Escalade, or friend gets accepted to a great school, or acquaintance gets called to a position of authority. Considerable mental time is spent on considering how much better they could carry out a task, calling, or responsibility than the person currently doing it. Behavior is commonly geared toward how it will make them appear in the eyes of others, usually with the hope of getting praise or affirmation. Even when empathy or service is extended it is usually the means to an end (recognition), rather than an end itself. When others do not like them or show apathy toward them it is either because they (the others) are stupid or jealous. Of course, in the subtle narcissist none of these traits would be overtly displayed or expressed lest they be exposed. Instead, they find place in the more private parts of the self.

Intellectual Narcissism:

There are different kinds of narcissism. This particular phrase is not of my own making. I heard it from Truman G. Madsen (well-known Mormon scholar). I don't know if he coined the term or not. I think it is an apt union of words for a certain type of narcissism that seems to be more and more pervasive in the world - or at least I am noticing it more. It is something I have thought about at length. The intellectual narcissist would not be considered narcissistic in most aspects of life, but they would fit the criteria for narcissism in areas of the intellect. They are in love with their own self-attributed brilliance. They cannot get enough of their own words and their own theories. They lack real empathy for others' positions, though they likely give empathy lip service. They long for praise and recognition. They pretend to be humble but really view themselves and their opinions as superior to others who are "less educated", "naive", "emotional", or "fooled". They fantasize about using their brain power and ideas to heal the world, or expose the powerful, or discover the answers to the worlds most pressing problems; again, not to do good but to be seen. They find great satisfaction in displaying reservoirs of knowledge and information, using obscure vocabulary and complex concepts, to show how smart they are, especially if it makes someone feel small or awed in the process. They have likely received positive reinforcement for their intellectual capacity or achievement in the past and base much of their self-concept and their self-esteem on their ability to think and reason and philosophize. They see their world around them not revolving quite the same without their intellectual light.

Stay tuned for part II.

Landscaping

2010-06-27T19:29:00.000-07:00

This summer we are taking on the project of landscaping our yard. After thousands of dollars, which is stressing me out, we are making good progress. It began with getting a final grade on our lot, which is made up of very fine quality Richmond CLAY. Then we had 3' boulders delivered to deal with a little slope in our front yard and also create a planter/flower bed. When the boulders arrived they looked ginormous and we were a bit concerned, but they turned out nice. After that we got our sprinklers done and then laid sod throughout the whole yard. We had lots of family and ward members help us out, which was greatly appreciated. We even lucked out with a nice day in the midst of a month straight of rainy weather.

About three days after we laid the sod it began to look terrible! We thought we were going to lose it, and this after all our neighbors had been telling us, "Oh, you can't screw up sod!" But apparently we were. With a little help from our landscaper neighbor, it came back from the brink of death.

We spent the next FHE planting flowers and shrubs in the bed in the front.

I could spend every day in the yard doing what needs to get done but we have been sidetracked by various events and visits to Salt Lake, not to mention the dreaded on-call routine. Anyway, the inaugural mowing occurred last week, which required the purchase of a mower and a weed-eater - more money! Finally yesterday I got to spend the whole day, from dawn until dusk, working on our projects. I stained the patio and back stairs with the help of my father-in-law, hauled in compost from a neighbor for the various gardens, and worked the rest of the day on an island planter in the front. Tania and I prepped the darn clay and mixed in compost and got it ready for planting. We took a trip to town to purchase plants at Lowe's. Unfortunately, we do not have a truck, van, or SUV. This meant that we had to fit a 9-10' tree into Tania's little Saturn. It was quite the task, particularly since Clara was SCREAMING her face off throughout the maneuvering. We received many a strange look from passers-by, but we finally did it by strategically placing the tree through the trunk into the back seat, over the front seat, and out the front passenger window. We managed to only break off 3-4 branches (probably not the best thing to do with a sapling)! It's been fun to see the progress and I enjoy doing the work, it's very cathartic.

Now to the back yard...

As Becometh a Latter-day Saint

2010-04-04T20:24:00.000-07:00

The airwaves, internet connections, and great halls and parks across this nation have been filled with anger and contention over the past several months. Debates are raging about the current challenges facing the country and the course we will take into the future. Most prominent, of course, has been the health care bill, but there have been plenty of other issues about which to argue, such as the war in Afghanistan, climate change, education reform, immigration reform, and financial sector reform to name a few. The ubiquity of rancor in the rhetoric from all sides is beyond remarkable. There are movements and counter-movements, protests, rallies, riled up politicians, and provocative commentators; all bearing down in a power struggle that finds expression through showmanship as well as self-proclaimed and self-justified indignation. One politician or faction is incensed, fully convinced that their anger is righteous, and soon the antagonist is incensed at their opponent's being incensed.

It is in the midst of this political environment that I have recently been contemplating the appropriate Christian mindset and behavior in the realm of civic affairs and citizenship. As many of you know several members of the LDS church are prominent players in the current debates, including Harry Reid (a Democrat and current U.S. Senate majority leader), Glenn Beck (a libertarian/conservative who is an author, radio host, and Fox News commentator), and Mitt Romney (a Republican and former governor of Massachusetts, as well as candidate for the presidency), among others. My thoughts are in no way commentary on any of these individuals specifically. Rather, they are insights that flow from a personal effort to better understand the teachings of the Savior to guide my own thoughts, feelings, and actions in the domain of politics and public policy.

I have been asking myself the question, what would Jesus do? That very question, or one similar to it, was posed to Mike Huckabee during a 2008 presidential primary debate. He cleverly stated something to the effect that Jesus would be smart enough to stay out of politics! Perhaps so...but in reality his response was just a fun way to dodge the question. What would Jesus do? And what would he have us do? I am not talking about which side of the issue the Savior would fall down on, or which side of the aisle He would have us join. I'm talking about how He would have us behave in the conversations about the issue and how He would have us interact with the person across the aisle.

The Lord through His servants has repeatedly stated that we should be involved in the political process, that we should be informed about the issues, that we should vote, and that we should even run for office where there is interest and ability. He has also said that His church will not endorse political parties or philosophies. The church, of course, will speak out on moral issues in public policy, for which it is much maligned both outside and inside of the general membership. Opinions about the political issues of our time are left to the discretion of the individual with encouraged assistance from the Holy Ghost, even on those moral questions about which the church does make statements. Therefore, there is plenty of room for members of the church with equal levels of faith and conversion to differ widely on a political issue. In this sense I wonder if Christ would be less concerned about the merits or non-merits of health care reform and more concerned about our spiritual health as manifest by the way we care for each other as we debate.

It is concerning to me when as members of the church we look to a political commentator, ideology, or platform to guide our beliefs and behavior more than to the Lord and His doctrine. I have seen members who passionately follow the ideology and rhetoric of leading national figures or groups simply because they are affiliated with a party to which they belong or are endorsed by groups that they identify with. For example, the latter-day saint who takes a conservative position only because it is endorsed by the Republican party and is frequently talked about by other conservative Christian groups, but in actuality is not in harmony with LDS doctrine or understanding. Or, the latter-day saint who takes a liberal professional position only because it is endorsed by the National Association of Social Workers and frequently talked about by the majority of mental health professionals, but in fact is at odds with LDS doctrine and understanding. In both cases the personal opinion is derived from the philosophies of men and a need for belonging in the world, rather than from the truths of God and a comfort with being "peculiar". Tragically for some, religious doctrine is rejected or accepted based off political or social philosophy instead of the reverse - guiding political and social positions from a foundation of true doctrine. Indeed, these positions, and more importantly the mode of expression thereof, do not always seem congruent with Christian discipleship.

It is also troublesome to me when members of the church in conspicuous positions are maligned by other members of the church who have joined the bandwagons of villanization and objectification in their political rhetoric. Even when the target is not a member of the church this is bothersome. Of course, many say that they do not have anything against the person, just their positions. But, the name-calling and mocking often reveal contempt and even hatred. It seems to me that if Harry Reid or Glenn Beck were in my priesthood quorum I would be under the same invitation to love them and be united with them as I would with any brother in the Gospel, whether or not I agree with their political beliefs, statements, or affiliations. I happen to know that Elder Scott gave Harry Reid a hug at General Conference this past weekend and Elder Oaks has met with President Obama and was gracious and kind.

This really isn't just an LDS issue though. The contempt and rage of which I speak is swirling and swelling in every part of the nation, across religion, race, and culture. But of all people, should we not stand out in our political and social behavior? So, what would Jesus say and what would Jesus do? I am not so presumptuous as to suggest I know. However, the scriptures, which are His words and teachings, lend answers.

The standard works have much to say about anger, contention, and wrath. The Lord counsels his children over and over again to avoid such behavior. Here is just a sampling of references:

"Cease from anger and forsake wrath." (Psalms 37:8)

"A soft answer turneth away wrath." (Proverbs 15:1,18)

"Contention is of the devil." (3 Nephi 11:29-30)

"Proclaim my word...not in haste, neither in wrath, nor with strife." (D&C 60:7,14)

"Charity suffereth long, and is kind,...is not easily provoked." (Moroni 7:45)

"Put off all these; anger, wrath, malice, blasphemy, filthy communication out of your mouth." (Colossians 3:8)

Anger can be intoxicating and addictive. There is often excitement and adrenaline with the drama of anger. We can easily be consumed in the powerful feelings incited by triggers of anger. There is a bit of a thrill in "going to battle" and advocating a cause or railing against an opponent.

Yet, anger is not necessarily an evil emotion. In my profession I teach anger management skills and classes fairly often. I teach my clients that anger as an emotion is not of itself a problem. The problem is what we do with that emotion. Do we allow it to control us? Do we harbor it in our soul to poison our feelings? Do we act out in aggression and violence? Do we manipulate or oppress? Anger is actually a primary emotional circuit in our brain. It serves in part to protect and to motivate. It is, I believe, God-given just like all the other emotions we experience. Think about it, if anger is evil or bad there would not be a trace of it in God's personality and character. God is perfect and perfectly good, and God has anger. Consider these examples:

"In a little wrath I hid my face from them." (Isaiah 54:8)

"Iniquity provoketh him that he sendeth down his wrath." (Alma 12:36)

"...The Lord in his wrath, for his anger was kindled against them..." (D&C 84:24)

"The wrath of God cometh on the children of disobedience." (Colossians 3:6)

The 1st and 2nd cleansing of the temple (John 2:14-17; Matthew 21:12-15)

How do we then reconcile these ideas? I think there are a couple of possibilities, which are purely my own opinion that has developed as I have thought about these principles. First; feelings, thoughts, and behaviors are different things. It is one thing to feel anger, another to think angry, and another to act in anger. All of these phenomena may be experienced simultaneously but can also be separated. I may feel angry and develop hateful thoughts then go out and rage in protests, hurling insults and epithets; or I may feel angry and develop helpful thoughts then channel that emotion into actions that contribute to solutions. It seems to me that God is more concerned about what we do with our feelings in our thoughts and actions than He is with the feeling itself.

Second, it appears that anger should be acted upon only at the direction of the Spirit and always in a manner that is consistent with the Lord's commandments to be patient, long-suffering, and forgiving. For example, in the Doctrine and Covenants we learn we should "reprove betimes (immediately) with sharpness, when moved upon by the Holy Ghost; and then showing forth afterwards and increase in love..." (D&C 121:43).

Third, God reserves acting on anger in wrath to Himself, just as He reserves judgment to Himself, because of His perfect omniscience and omnipotence. The Lord has the ability to see situations clearly that to us are clouded by our limited perception. He "looketh on the heart" where we tend only to see the "outward appearance".

Therefore, it seems to me that the gospel of the Lord Jesus Christ invites us to use anger that we experience as a reaction to political and social events or circumstances in a constructive way. The gospel invites us to school our feelings and reject angry, contentious, and hateful thoughts and behavior for the Christ-like attributes of charity. There is no caveat or exception regarding political debate or behavior. So shall we be mum and passive? Shall we avoid discussion or participation? NO! We can be examples of civil debate and "Christian courage". We can join the conversation without joining the hate. We can criticize positions and policies without attacking the character of our brother. We can follow the promptings of the Holy Ghost to recognize and denounce evil without "railing accusations" (D&C 50:33). Even in the most passionate and emotional debates we must stand apart from the crowd and disengage from the drama of disdain.

I for one am still learning to school my feelings and to respond as the Lord would have me respond, particularly to some of the most emotionally charged issues of our day. I think this is the standard that I would like to reach - the standard of God. The Savior was our perfect examplar. He did not shy away from discussions or controversy but He didn't grandstand either. When His detractors were "past feeling" and full of contempt, such that any response would go unheard and only invite mocking and scorn, He "answered nothing".

A White Envelope and a Few Short Steps

2010-01-03T17:45:00.000-08:00

The last several months have been very eventful! I've been meaning to post for a long time now but have had so many other to-do items on my list that I haven't gotten around to it. Hopefully the new year and some settling in will give me a few more opportunities to be consistent. Tania has posted pictures of the baby on her blog here, and I plan to post some of my experiences with our little one too.

1999 was an eventful year for me. I graduated from high school, I had my first girlfriend, I travelled across Europe with a choir, I received my mission call, I received my endowment in the temple, and I entered the MTC and began my full-time missionary service. In fact, it was 10 years ago this week (before the turn of the new year) that my family made that 45-minute trek to Provo in our old blue Suburban to drop me off.

I received my call on October 13, 1999. I knew the day my papers had been submitted to headquarters and had calculated the probable arrival date of the call. Justin and I were both awaiting our calls, though he had sent his papers in a week previous. Somehow we had it figured out that the calls would likely come on a Wednesday. I had been anxiously awaiting this moment for a very long time. I had wanted to be a missionary from the time I was a little boy. I don't know exactly from where the feeling came but it was strong enough that beginning on December 29, 1998, one day after my 18th birthday, I began a countdown in my journal to the date I could turn in my papers.

Perhaps it came from an encounter I had as a very young child with President Ezra Taft Benson. I can't remember how old I was but I couldn't have been more than 5 or 6. President Benson was to be attending my aunt's ward's sacrament meeting. I imagine my parents decided to attend to allow us an experience of being in the presence of the prophet. I remember very few details of the meeting. I do remember, however, the opportunity to file by the prophet at the close of the meeting to shake his hand. When my turn arrived the president shook my hand and said, "My boy, some day you will be a great missionary." I do not recall particular emotional reactions associated with this special event, but clearly it was an encounter that has stayed with me all these years. The words meant something to me. I don't know if the president made similar comments to all of the little boys that day as they filed by, but I felt that he was speaking directly to me.

I waited at the front door behind the glass screen as the mail woman pulled up to our rickety mailbox on that autumn day. My brother Shayne and my mom stood there with me. I stared in anticipation toward the box, awaiting the visual that would be the dead give-away the call had come - a large, thick, white envelope. The woman filed through the mail in her truck, reached out, opened the box, and extended her hand full of mail...holding the long-awaited package! I rushed to the mailbox and immediately looked for the confirmation I needed, a return address from 50 E. South Temple St. I jumped in excitement and I may have even picked up my little brother and twirled him around, which is rather humorous to think of now, especially since he is quite a bit bigger than me these days. What can I say? I'm slightly given to cheesiness. I ran around the corner to Justin's house. We had walked through the anticipation and the application process together over the previous year. He ran out of his house as I turned the corner. We met at his mailbox where he also found the blessed white envelope with the same return address.

That night we opened the calls together in my living room, with our families watching. We had waited for my dad to get home from work, so it would have been at least 9:30 or so. We sang Called to Serve and after the customary who-can-guess-where-they're-going game, I went first. Many destinations had crossed my mind in considering where the Lord might send me, but not once did I consider Rome, Italy. Yet, it was perfect. It just clicked in my heart as naturally as seeing a sunset in the evening. Of course it was Rome. I seem to remember that I could barely get through reading the letter. I was prone to tears back then too, especially in a state of such excitement, anxiety, and spiritual influence. I knew the call was of God. I laid in bed that night and was overcome with a feeling of love for the Italian people, and those souls who were spoken of in my patriarchal blessing yet unfamiliar to me.

The next two-and-a-half months flew by. Finally, the day arrived. I was set apart on my birthday. The same day I had been baptized 11 years before. I stayed up well into the morning finishing packing and writing a personalized letter to each member of my family. With very little sleep and a brave face, so as not reveal my trepidation, we piled into that old Suburban. The ride was not quiet, that doesn't happen in my family. It was loud, all of us pretending that we didn't have to say goodbye within a couple of hours. I remember we stopped at Hire's for lunch and then made our way to the MTC. You all know how it goes from there. The meeting room, the movies, the short talks, and then a few moments to say goodbye. Needless to say, a lot of tears were shed. I still have a picture of the back of my head, my brother hugging me and facing the camera with red, puffy eyes. Then the cue was given.

And just like that I walked through a door, a few short steps away from the life I had always known and into the life of a missionary. I put on a tag as a symbol and a stamp of what had been done the day before and began the journey from boy to man. It would become the most significant experience of my life. It was a refining journey, an adventure filled with fear and faith, discouragement and miracles, inadequacy and confidence, buffeting and great spiritual power. It was a period of fun, sensitivity, love, and growth. It is there that I began to learn what discipleship is really about.

It is hard to believe that ten years have passed since that eventful day in Provo, Utah. A day that set me on a path of preparation for all that has transpired since then. Unfortunately, the memories of that day and the next two years are fading. I no longer lie in bed at night and go through names and places or trace city streets. It takes me awhile to remember words and faces. I no longer feel the discouragement and inadequacy that I sometimes felt in my service, but I still feel the love and the joy. That, I believe, is a merciful gift from our Heavenly Father. I am as thankful now as I ever was, that ten years ago a knowing Father called a scared little boy to be one of His emissaries in a vast and complex world. My life has ever been shaped and influenced because of everything that was brought about by a big white envelope and a few short steps. God be thanked that He saw fit to call me when He did, where He did, and how He did. That is a reason for me to reflect and commemorate!

Home Sweet Home

2009-11-05T21:50:00.000-08:00

We finally moved into our new home a little over two weeks ago! We enjoyed our little bungalow rental house but we are glad to be in our own home. The only bad thing about moving in is all the work we want to do with it before the baby comes. We have to put in a mailbox, fix some of our tiling, paint, buy furniture for the nursery and the living room, and install some hand towel rods. I suppose it is only the beginning of many more things to come. Thank you to everyone who helped us in the move. These pictures are taken a few days before we moved in and before the final clean up.

The annual family Halloween party was held at Lisel's house. Here are all of our nephews and niece on my side of the family, from youngest to oldest.

The newest arrival, Ammon, as a crocodile with grandma

Logan, the pirate, with grandpa

Little Lily is Tinkerbell

Caleb is Peter Pan

Landon is Captain Hook

Zach is the Indian chief (I forgot if he has a name)

Coming Along

2009-10-03T23:13:00.001-07:00

The house is coming along nicely. We've had a busy few weeks...

First, our contractor told us that he would give us two weeks notice to do our flooring (we installed the tile in the bathrooms and mudroom, as well as the wood in the entry and kitchen). Instead, he gave us a little over one week. I took a day off work, which does not come easily, and we were all ready to go. The afternoon before we were to begin the contractor called us and told us that he would have to move the days from Thursday through Saturday to Saturday through Tuesday! Uh, sorry dude, that just isn't going to work for us. I had already cleared all my clients on Thursday so it would have been pointless to work and there was no way I could take Tuesday off. Strange thing is, he acted very annoyed, like we were being unreasonable. Anyway, we finally got it worked out but didn't get started until the painters left on Thursday at 6:00 p.m. We had a whirlwind weekend with several very late nights, and there may have been some Sabbath breaking in there too. To top it off, Tania got the flu and was incapacitated for a couple of those days! Thank goodness we had lots of help.

Me, mixing some cement.

All of our equipment

Ty, cutting a piece of tile.

Matt and the bottom-half of Shayne working on the wood in the entry.

Making progress with the tile.

Our neighbor's brother was an answer to prayer and helped us with the wood in the kitchen.

The finished entry (though dirty) with our sweet banister in the background.

We greatly appreciate all of the help we got. Thanks again to Tania's mom and step-dad, my parents, Matt and Lisel, Tyler (and Shannon who let him come even though it's one of the few days they have together), and Shayne. Mike and Trish would have been there too but Mike had to work. We also couldn't have done it without our neighbors who let us use tools, saws, hose and water, provided expertise, and even brought over food! We are moving into a great neighborhood!

While we were doing the floors we noticed something seriously wrong with the family room. They framed one of the windows in the wrong place, causing the room to be quite asymmetrical. It had already been painted and everything. This dilemma required cutting a new whole in the correct location and covering up the old.

The window in the correct place now.

The inside took off quickly once the floors were done. We got cabinets, counter tops, plumbing fixtures, and electrical. After a weekend in Salt Lake we came back and checked on the house. We found that they had laid the carpet padding and cut out all the carpet itself, though they hadn't tacked it down yet. Immediately we recognized something wasn't right. The carpet was way too dark. I called the carpet place but they insisted that the name and number on our sample was the name and number that was in our house. We still knew something was off. Tania took the sample to the store and convinced the associate to check it out. Sure enough, the name and number on the back of our sample was the wrong name and number for that piece of sample. So the carpet they were installing was correct according to name and number but not the carpet we wanted and had chosen. That was quickly corrected and we soon had carpet too.

The exterior has been slow. They have been siding now forever and they told us they were going to pour steps and sidewalks on Monday but still haven't gotten to that. Nevertheless, if all goes according to plan they should be done next Monday and we should definitely be in the house by the end of the month!

Progress

2009-09-09T21:32:00.000-07:00

A lot of progress has been made on the house and we are getting excited to move in. We expect to make the move somewhere in the next 4-6 weeks! This weekend we are going to try and tackle installing tile floors in all the bathrooms and the mud-room and hardwood floors in the kitchen and entry. Wish us luck!

Facing North - the front of the house.

Facing South - the back of the house.

Looking into the area where the kitchen will be.

Looking into the area where the family room will be.

The mud-room with our hook-strip and bench.

Our awesome french doors that will lead into the living room.

I'm a Lucky Man

2009-08-02T20:55:00.000-07:00

The other night I attended my 10-year high school reunion. Long live Granite High! I guess it will have to live on in our memories since the stupid school board closed it down this year. I'm still bitter about that. It was doomed to fail when they turned it into an alternative school. Anyway, we had a great turn out and it was a lot of fun to see people from the past and walk the hallways of Granite again. The experience also caused me some reflection. I thought about the events of the past ten years and the choices I've made. In such situations as these one inevitably observes the trajectories of other lives. As I left I felt very grateful for the course my life has taken, and for my lifestyle. I judge no one and I appreciate that people can find joy and fulfillment in many ways, but for me, I was filled with thankfulness for what I have and what I don't have. It is more than I ever would have hoped for! Here are just a few reasons why I am such a lucky man, with pictures from our summer.

First, I live in such an incredible world, full of amazing beauty. Occasionally, I even get to enjoy some free time in it, like vacations to Lake Powell.

Second, I am part of the greatest family ever. I am so thankful for the friendship and fun that we share together.

Third, I live in the greatest little town with my little family in the very place where my forbears lived and worked. I even get to take care of a garden (which is thriving, by the way) in soil that was likely tilled and worked with their own hands!

Fourth, we have the good fortune to be able to build a home that we have picked out, in a neighborhood full of good families, in an awesome ward, in a great town, in a beautiful valley. Progress is being seen daily.

Fifth, I am married to an incredible woman, who does SO much for me. What's even more, she is pregnant with our little girl and so far mom and baby are healthy. These two blessings are especially amazing to me. They may seem quite ordinary to many, but to me there is no question that they are miracles!

Above all, I am grateful for the gospel of Jesus Christ. I am not naive enough to believe that you must have the gospel to have a happy, productive, and wonderful life. I am not naive enough to believe that with the gospel you are guaranteed a happy, productive, and wonderful life. Nevertheless, I feel blessed beyond measure to be a witness of its wonder and a recipient of its promises. It is the foundation of my life. It is my strength and my joy. Life can be complicated and life can be hard. God requires the sacrifice of that which will stretch us the most. Sometimes the stretching seems almost too much to bear, but I join the psalmist who said, "In the multitude of my thoughts within me, thy comforts delight my soul!"

The Big Dig

2009-06-18T21:26:00.000-07:00

Last Friday they finally started digging on our lot! They have made good progress despite the horrible, rainy weather. We now have a foundation and a basement. Hopefully the rain will stop and the framing will go quickly.

In the Garden

2009-05-24T17:57:00.000-07:00

There is just something about working outside. I've always enjoyed yard work even though I complained about it at times as a kid. It is rewarding to do a little manual labor after being in an office most of the time, not to mention to see things take shape. When my dad and uncle bought the lot of land here in Richmond that has been in the family for over a century it was in a pretty sad shape. With the previous owner being an elderly great-uncle, and far away, it was left to a property manager and renters to keep up the work, which rarely turns out well. Now though, the yard is slowly transforming. My dad and uncle have done a lot of work to clean the place up, including currently building a new home since the old family home burned down. In the back of our little rental home (which used to by my great-great-grandfather's shoe shop) was a plot of weeds as high as the fence. Last fall my uncle sprayed them in hopes to kill and clear them this year. This spring I cleared all the remaining debris including dead weeds, glass, rocks, garbage, weeds, bottles, weeds, wood, weeds, etc. I borrowed a tiller and set out to create a garden. It is a larger garden plot than I have ever worked on, measuring about 30' x 30'. Friday we made a trip to the local greenhouse to purchase starters and plants in all their varieties. Yesterday, though I was on call at the hospital, I started one more round of clearing weeds and turning soil, hoping to plant as well. It was a beautiful day. I lucked out and didn't get called in! I was able to get all the plants and seeds in even before some nasty gusting winds attempted to ruin my progress. It was fun and therapeutic. Come late summer and early fall we will hopefully have a harvest of tomatoes of all kinds; zucchini, summer, and spaghetti squash; peppers of different sorts, watermelon, cucumber, corn, beans, peas, carrots, and several herbs.

Today I am paying the price. I worked without even thinking about the sun. I am burned to a crisp and very sore, an obvious indication that I need to get in shape. It was well worth it.

University Life or Cow Town?

2009-04-17T22:50:00.000-07:00

For several years now, probably about 10, I have had a goal to get a PhD. I haven't been sure about the direction of the degree but I wanted to pursue it. I applied to several programs in late 2007 for admittance in Fall 2008. I was accepted to a couple of them without funding and the timing wasn't right with the progress I was making toward obtaining the LCSW (which is the licensure that allows me to practice independently). I deferred at one program and applied again at another to enter Fall 2009. Just over two weeks ago now I received a notification of admittance to a PhD program at the University of Utah, this time with funding!

I thought this would be an easy decision, but when it came right down to it, Tania and I found ourselves grappling with what we should do. I notified my bosses right away about my predicament and asked what my future would look like if I remained at the Comprehensive Treatment Clinic. After significant reflection, discussion, prayer, and fasting we decided that I would turn down the PhD program and remain in Cache Valley...at least for now. This was one of the most difficult decisions that I have ever made! We both felt that both options were very positive and promising. We ultimately made our decision based off of the following (in no particular order):

1. A move to the U would require that Tania get a new job and that I find a part-time job. No school districts are hiring and options for therapist positions are very limited in this economy.

2. I am beginning to establish a niche in the mental health community in Northern Utah and gaining (slowly) an expertise in my field with some cutting edge training.

3. We are excited to settle and get a home.

4. We are not particularly excited about drastically cutting our income and living as poor students again, particularly considering that this would delay buying a home until we are close to 35!

5. My bosses are willing to provide some funding and flexibility for a doctoral degree at USU or a distance learning institution.

6. We love Cache Valley, our little town, and our great ward.

7. Tania just got called into the Relief Society presidency and the circumstances are such that it is clear the call is of the Lord.

Though this decision has been very hard, I've never been one to look back and continually second-guess myself. We are moving forward and immediately started looking to build a home. We have looked around quite a bit over the past year, mostly for fun. We found a builder that we really like almost a year ago and haven't found anything we like as much since then. So, that was the easy part. We wanted to stay in the ward, which led us to look for lots inside our ward boundaries. There are several for sale in this one-stop-light town but most of them are large lots outside of our price range. I would have loved to buy a .8 acre lot and have a huge garden and fruit trees, but finances simply won't allow. Our ward has a brand new subdivision full of younger couples and families. Several lots sit empty in the neighborhood, so we called to see if any were available. To our disappointment, the last lot was picked up the previous week. Just as we were beginning to think staying in the ward wouldn't be possible the selling agent for the subdivision called to tell us that the contract had fallen through.

Everything has moved very quickly! In no more than 5 months we hope to be saying goodbye to great-grandpa Olsen's shoe shop, which has actually been a nice little place...

...And moving onto a .3 acre lot in "Richmond Meadow Estates" (which sounds much more fancy than it is).

A view of the lot from the west. It is a corner lot and stretches from the street to the white fence.

A view of the lot from the south. Again, the lot stretches from the street to the end of the white fence. If all goes according to plan we will be building "The Magnolia".

It will be primarily light blue with some darker blue and white. We will also have more rock exterior.

We are huge fans of the exterior and the floor plan. The "office" will actually be a parlor/living room/home teacher room. We will also have an unfinished basement with cold storage.

An offer was made on the lot and accepted. We are now in contract for the land and construction. Now, it's just a matter of picking everything out and preparing specific plans. Once plans are submitted to the lender and we get the pre-authorization they can start digging! We are hoping to get this done as quickly as we can, mostly to get locked in while interest rates are low. I know this is horrible to say but we are really hoping the economy stays in the dumps for another 4-5 months so that interest rates don't begin to rise.

We are excited and scared to death all at the same time!

Stronger Than Many Waters

2009-03-19T21:49:00.000-07:00

Almost a year ago I wrote a post entitled 'Moses 1 and the Temple'. I discussed Satanic style - the patterns of temptation and manipulation by the Adversary - as presented in Moses chapter 1. The idea in such a discussion was to share a few thoughts and insights that I have learned in striving to be more aware of how Satan interacts with us. With that awareness we are hopefully in a better position to combat his tactics in a difficult world. I mentioned that in a future post I would like to outline how Moses, in a most intense interaction with the Evil One, stands as an exemplar of precisely how to do that. This is finally that post. Before I get to Moses, though, I will quickly review the Satanic style as seen in Moses chapter 1 and in the temple ceremony.

1) Satan's influence is exerted both before AND after spiritual experiences. He attempts to prevent them before and cause us to doubt, forget, or diminish them after.

2) Satan would have us focus on our carnal nature rather than our divine nature. He cleverly stresses "son of man" to distract us from the more inspiring truth "son of God". He would have us embrace our inclinations, tendencies, and proclivities toward the things of the world and of the flesh.

3) Satan cleverly commands us to worship him, as if we have no choice. To worship is to love and to follow. Today it seems this is generally done with subtle forms of authority rather than blatant "devil worshipping", such as: You are this way so you must act. You feel this way so you must follow. You want this so you must obtain. The world says this so you must agree.

4) Satan attempts to cause us fear. Fear leads to loss of confidence and faith that would otherwise lead us to God and His healing and redeeming power.

5) Satan uses every tactic available, from subtlety to intimidation. He does not go quietly. When striving to overcome his tactics, things often get worse before they get better. Furthermore, we might also expect increased intensity in his dealings with us as we grow closer and closer to God.

You will recall that Moses 1 opens with the discussion of Moses having been "caught up" into an exceedingly high mountain where he beheld the glory of God and spoke to Him face to face. It is a revelatory experience of historic proportions. The Lord tells Moses that he is His son and created in the similitude of His only begotten. He informs the future parter-of-seas and deliverer-of-nations that He has a work for him to do, though he does not yet detail what that work is. Finally, He grants Moses the opportunity to see to "the ends of the earth" and "all the children of men" that were and ever will be created. The vision closes, we learn, and mighty Moses is "left unto himself". It is then that Satan comes "tempting him", using the above mentioned strategies. As that tempting develops in the narrative Moses responds in ways that I believe provide insight for us in our own battles with the Adversary.

1) As Satan tries to focus on the fact that Moses is a "son of man", that is to view himself from a carnal nature rather than a divine, the prophet counters him with what he had just been told by the Lord Himself. He reminds himself and the Adversary that he is a son of God, created in the similitude of His Only Begotten, that is Jesus Christ. Surely, there is a part of all of us that is "carnal, sensual, and devilish" but there is another part of us that yearns for something more, for something higher. Lucifer would have us consumed in the former to the point that we are blinded to the latter. We get too caught up in the weakness and struggle of the flesh, of the intellect, and of the world. But, when we remember Whose we really are we can focus on who we really are. Knowing who we really are leads us to knowing what we can accomplish and what we can become. This knowledge gives us the confidence, understanding, and strength to rebuff Satan. We are willing to "put off the natural man" for a more "eternal weight of glory".

2) Moses immediately contrasts what he saw in God and what he is now seeing in Satan. He interacted with both face to face and he sees the Adversary's weakness. He says, "Where is thy glory that I should worship thee?" He further reminds the Evil One that he can look upon him in the flesh, but had to be transfigured to look upon God. Moses is able to recognize that Satan neither has a body nor any glory at all. There really is no comparison to the glory of God. It is like contrasting the buildings and bling of Las Vegas to the majestic mountains and the star-filled heavens. Attractive, intriguing, and grand in their own right, yet entirely inadequate. We know that Satan can only have as much power over us as we allow him. Part of his limitation, of course, is that he does not have a body, does not have any glory or light, and does not have any possibility for progression. I think we would do well to follow Moses in recognizing the Adversary's lack of real impressiveness.

3) Moses has the Spirit of God with him and is able to both recognize it and use it to discern light from darkness. He declares, "I can judge between thee and God". The other day in scripture study, Tania and I were reading of the armor of God. She reminded us that the only offensive weapon as described in the armor is the "sword of the Spirit". It is, it seems, the only weapon at all. All of the other pieces are defensive protections. But the Spirit both pierces and protects. The Holy Ghost teaches us all things and brings all things to our remembrance. He will remind us of our divine nature and help us see Satan's weakness. He will provide us with information that will pierce Satan's clever arguments and divide them asunder. He will shield us from heavy blows and cheap shots. If we want to conquer Satan, we need the Spirit as our sword.

4) On at least two occasions during the ordeal with Lucifer he-who-was-raised-on-Egyptian-mythology recalls the word and commandments of God and expresses faith in that word. Later on in the drama of Good versus Evil, Jesus, the Master, uses the same tactic to combat the Great Tempter. He prefaces each of his responses with, "It is written". The lesson must be that we need to be familiar with God's word. We must know his commands and be willing to follow them, no matter how interesting or stimulating the alternatives may be. If we are familiar with such, we are in a position to counter the Adversary with what God has said on any subject and thereby not be fooled. If we are not familiar with or converted to His word, we may be easily persuaded.

5) Moses casts the Adversary out and away four distinct times by saying such things as, "Get thee hence, Satan"; "Depart hence"; "Depart from me"; and lastly, "In the name of the Only Begotten, depart hence, Satan". I think two lessons can be learned from this action. First, that Satan doesn't leave you alone just because you tell him to or want him to. In fact, like bad behavior of a toddler when you attempt to curb it, it may be magnified before it is eliminated. Perhaps the key is persevering with persistence as you push him away. Second, that it is the efficacy of worthily invoking the power of the Son and driving out Satan in His name that is ultimately successful.

6) Meek and mighty Moses acknowledges and resolves to Lucifer that he needs God, he wants God, and he will only worship God. The great and spacious building can be extraordinarily inviting. So much so that it skews perspective. Holding fast to a rod seems so constraining when there is a party going on. Eating pure white fruit by a tree appears boring and quaint compared to the beckoning calls of the influential and the succulent feasts of the proud. But those pressing forward see what the wanderer does not, the cracking foundations of a poorly constructed building that will fall with a great and terrible crash. With the perspective of all that Moses had just discovered, it is only logical that he would express his desire to follow the Lord. He is ashamed neither of his dependence on God nor his desire to follow him. He knows this truth, "Behold, and hearken..., saith the Lord your God, even Jesus Christ, your advocate, who knoweth the weakness of man and how to succor them who are tempted".

7) The prophet calls upon God throughout the entire episode to receive strength. Alma exhorted, "But that ye would humble yourselves before the Lord, and call on his holy name, and watch and pray continually, that ye may not be tempted above that which ye can bear, and thus be led by the Holy Spirit..." The Lord encourages, "Pray always that you may come of conquerer; yea, that you may conquer Satan..." Prayer is the conduit that keeps us connected to God and demonstrates our faith in His power of deliverance. I find it interesting that only after Moses feared did he see the "bitterness of hell". To ascend from the depths of the dark world, he called upon God and cast Satan out.

The outcome, most thankfully, is that Moses overcomes. It is only then that the Lord reveals to Moses what his foreordained mission will be. He is told that the Almighty has "chosen" him, that he will be "stronger than many waters", that God is with him, and that he will deliver the Lord's chosen people, Israel. Moses is then granted an even more extensive vision and greater understanding of God's divine design.

Perhaps it is a pattern for us all.

You're So Vain

2009-02-16T21:18:00.000-08:00

Well, it has now been 3 months since I've posted and I have been itching to write. My problem is that I haven't had much of particular interest to write about. But, I figure I better write about something or I never will!

Today as I was driving to work I heard three consecutive radio commercials that I found troubling. The first was an advertisement about some magical weight loss pill, the second was an advertisement for a plastic surgery office, and the last was an advertisement for a weight loss surgical procedure. I guess I had been thinking about this kind of thing for awhile because it seems like I have heard about several people getting gastric bypass or lap band procedures in the past few weeks. Now, I'm not opposed to weight loss (I'd like to shed what I've put on in the past year). I'm not even opposed to plastic surgery and or weight loss procedures in certain circumstances and with certain boundaries. What I find concerning is this seeming craze or fad toward drastic measures to improve physical appearance, whether that is nipping here or removing there, augmenting here and lifting there. As far as I can recall it has only been in the past few years that we have seen this enormous increase in unabashed advertising, from billboards, to radio, to TV commercials. What is wrong with us that we are so obsessed with size and poundage? I frankly find it disturbing when some chick announces on the airwaves, "Just because I wasn't blessed with large breasts from birth doesn't mean I can't have them now" - or something lame like that.

Some would argue that such procedures greatly improve health and self-esteem. I can agree with that to a point. I am certainly not passing judgment on anyone who has or yet will undergo any such procedures, I'm not in their position. But, it seems to me that they are now handing out gastric bypass and lap band procedures to anyone who asks, rather than to those who are in chronic medical need. Furthermore, those who are in chronic medical need generally have a food addiction and without addressing the function of the acting out behavior (e.g., eating compulsively to mood alter and/or avoid pain) the maladaptive pattern will likely continue, just with a different behavior. Next thing you know they are in my office with an addiction to sex, drugs, gambling, or any other number of compulsive and or mood-altering behaviors. Should not everything be tried before these kinds of invasive procedures that offer a "magic fix" and take away any real personal effort or growth. Fortunately there are some programs that require counseling, lifestyle change, coaching, etc. as part of the process. However, I am afraid that these are the exception rather than the rule.

The issue of "self-esteem" really gets to me too. I would suspect that all of us have one or a number of things about our bodies that we could stand to change. Women tend to be more vocal about this than men, but don't be fooled, men are just as bad as women in their own way. I can accept that self-confidence may improve in some respects as a result of these operations but if self-esteem is improving because your gut is smaller or your rear end tighter, that is some pretty superficial self-esteem. Sure, I think we can and should feel satisfaction in caring for our bodies and strive to be presentable, attractive, and healthy - but for goodness sake, does my esteem for myself and others really depend upon a number on a scale or a cup size? It is all so vain and so surface. Is there not a lot worse in the world than being overweight, under average, or over average? Why don't we put this kind of money and effort into something that actually has some real meaning? We are different and have blemish for a reason. Perhaps part of that reason is learning to love ourselves and others despite those things. I'm not professing to have this down, far from it, but I'd like to. I am professing that this focus on weight and body shape and size has become way over-the-top. It has become a cultural obsession and we're all caught in it. At the end of the day for the vast majority of people when we are dead and gone, not one person is going to remember us for how much we weighed or how big or small our body parts were. If they do, that says more about them than it does about us! What we will be remembered for is how we lived and how we loved.

Hate and Bigotry

2008-11-16T20:20:00.000-08:00

Hate: to dislike intensely or passionately; feel extreme aversion for or extreme hostility toward.

Bigot: a person who is utterly intolerant of any differing creed, belief, or opinion.

It seems that in the last week and one-half these words have flown around like the Autumn leaves falling from trees, except they've been descending about as gently as bombs. The accusers are people all over the country who are enraged over the passage of Proposition 8 in California, which is, as we have all come to know, a state constitutional ban on same-sex marriage. It seems that the accused, interestingly enough, are largely leaders and members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints who supported the amendment. That support came from individual citizens in the form of financial donations, volunteer time, and a vote 'yes' at the ballot box. Never mind that members of the church only make up 5% of California's population and never mind that the 'Yes on 8' Coalition was made up of numerous different organizations and faiths, and never mind that the church made NO monetary donations as an organization, and never mind that the measure passed with 52% of the vote, and never mind that the church put out several statements urging love and civility throughout the process. None of that seems to matter to those who are pointing fingers at the church as the main force of “hate and bigotry” behind the amendments adoption by the majority of Californians. Granted, the First Presidency encouraged members to participate and they responded with nearly half of the money raised for ‘Yes on 8’ and contributed a huge portion of the volunteering. But ultimately it was the voters who decided. Is it not a stretch to say that 52% of Californians were duped and manipulated by the “hateful” minority of Mormons? Nobody forced anyone to the polls nor did anybody force anyone to vote yes. It is an especially interesting accusation given that the ‘No on 8’ campaign had just as much advertising, more money, and more prestige.

The church has now been a major target of the protesting that began almost immediately after the official word of successful passage of the proposition. It has come in the form of a burning Book of Mormon on chapel steps, protests at sacred sites, shot-out windows, white powder pranks, vandalism, boycotts and threatened boycotts, forced resignations, and a drive to send Pres. Monson a post card for every donation made to the reversal campaign that will indicate the donation is being made in his name. These folks carry signs that malign the church and its members as hate mongers and bigots. They further express their belief that the church and its people are forcing their beliefs on others and inappropriately mixing church and state.

As I have watched the events unfold I have wondered where the hate and bigotry really lies. For anyone who has taken an introductory psychology class you have likely learned about defense mechanisms. Defense mechanisms are strategies of the psyche that we use to deal with difficult truth or reality through which we avoid facing intolerable feelings such as guilt, anger, hatred, and so forth. Projection is a defense mechanism in which we ascribe to another person or group feelings, thoughts, or attitudes that are actually present in ourselves. See, if we project unpleasant/unacceptable feelings or attitudes onto others, as if they are theirs, we do not have to face the truth of ourselves. Displacement is a defense mechanism in which we transfer an emotion from its original focus onto another, usually less threatening or easy target. For example, we get angry at our boss but can't take it out on him so we take it out on the secretary.

Back to the question then, where does the hate and bigotry lie? No doubt, there are plenty of members of the church who are hateful and bigoted. Surely, some supporters of prop 8 have displayed these characteristics. Nevertheless, I am not aware of any protests by members of the church against the L.A. or Salt Lake Pride Center when 4 presumptuous judges on the Supreme Court of California made a decision about same-sex marriage on behalf of 34 million people. I'm not aware of any book burnings, or vandalism, or shot out windows. I know of no signs at that time that accused the supporters of homosexual marriage as being intolerant and hateful, nor do I know of any forced resignations, or mocking/vilifying of the leaders in their community. I'm not aware of any of that from Latter-day Saints. Nor do I suspect there would have been any of that had the measure failed, aside from perhaps some fringe-type wackos. In fact, the church has called on its members throughout the campaign to be compassionate and civil. They have reiterated over and over and over again that we must be peaceful, respectful, and kind.

So I ask again, where is the hate? Who is the bigot? Is it hateful to have a differing view about marriage? Is it bigoted to stand up for what you believe in? Or, are these vitriolic accusations a kind of collective projection and displacement? No individual or group in our society wants to be labeled a hater or a bigot or a discriminator. So-called closed-mindedness and intolerance seem to be the ultimate social sins. Thus, these labels become over-used and easy ammunition to silence and invalidate anyone who disagrees. At the same time, they are persuasive to hypersensitive fence-sitters who don't want to commit any social sins or appear on the wrong side of "progress". To be fair, not everyone that supports gay marriage has engaged in the rhetoric and immature behavior. In fact, many are calling for peaceful and constructive dialogue. But it seems ironic that those who are shouting "hate" and "bigotry" the loudest seem to have an awful lot of it in their own hearts.

This is a very difficult issue, one that will not go away anytime soon. It is creating dissonance in communities and congregations and families all over this nation. Positions will likely not change on either side. What can change, however, is a little more empathy and charity on both sides. More to come on this later.

When Thy Sweet Spirit Strikes the Strings

2008-10-26T18:54:00.000-07:00

Over the past year or so I have been a member of 3 different wards. In conjunction with various family functions and vacations I have had the opportunity to attend a few others. I've been reflecting quite a bit in the last several months about what I see at church. I must admit that sometimes I have a knack for picking up the character and personality of others, especially when it comes to their eccentricities and quirks. It's not a trait that I am particularly proud of and I try not to use it as a source for criticism. I also try not to psychoanalyze anyone who is not sitting in front of me in my office. Nevertheless, it is easy for me to get frustrated or amused or annoyed by the man who constantly talks about the sealed portion of the Book of Mormon and its contents or the one who bears his testimony about how Barack Obama is going to destroy the world (not a supporter of Obama either but, really, testimony meeting??). The choir director who has ADD or the auxiliary leader who is just a bit too focused on the presentation and the details instead of the message. You have your know-it-alls and your tell-it-alls, your yappers and your snappers, your out-of-control children, and your too-much-in-control teachers/leaders. This to say little of some of the resulting lessons, talks, and comments from these unique folks. It's the same everywhere you go, right? I don't think it matters if it's a student ward or a family ward, a Utah ward or an any other ward. "The church is the same everywhere you go" as we like to say.

But, you know, that's not the real focus of what I've been pondering about. I'm aware of it, sure, but all those thoughts are just part of my dirty, stinking pride that creeps up too often. I've been thinking instead about the miracle of the Church. The absolute wonder of it. I've been thinking about how every Sunday people all over the world gather together to give talks, and read scriptures, and make commentary, and listen, and take bread and water. The people are busy and preoccupied and burdened. They are imperfect. Yet, in each ward that I've been in, as a member or a visitor, I sit in a sunday school class or sacrament meeting and feel the goodness of the people. The pure goodness. They come and they participate for the same reasons I do. They are called by the same Voice and are united under the same Head. I sense that often they have a keen awareness of their imperfection but they are trying. In the midst of all the weirdness and weakness I see remarkable faith and humility, often from the same people! I see hope and virtue, diligence and love. I am taught and touched by their gifts, examples, and sacrifice. It is an incredible thing to see people in their true light. Those talks and lessons and comments are more than words, they are inspiration, they are more than filler, they are truth. The taking of the bread and water in unison with the saints is a process of covenant renewal and sacred worship, not just taking a tray and passing it down to your neighbor. We remember and witness individually and collectively. In the process, my imperfection and their imperfection is being chipped away - all that sin and all those quirks - one piece at a time.

The last few Sundays I've felt this impression particularly powerfully. It was a typical Sabbath today. Priesthood was about service and we heard mission stories and testimony and home teaching plugs. Sunday school was centered on 3 Nephi 17-19 and we discussed the Savior's visit to the Americas. Sacrament meeting was the Primary program and we heard familiar primary songs and the simple Word from the children. We smiled at their indiscernable shouts into the microphone and their waving and daydreaming. For all intents and purposes, very usual meetings. We even had kids crying so loud by the end of the program that the benediction was not audible. Yet, through it all I felt a profound and comforting spirit. It was a spirit of reverence and awe at what was happening. In the process of those lessons I heard sincere and thought-provoking words. I felt faith and testimony. I saw and received charity. I observed humility. I was touched by song. There I was, one of many in our building today and one of millions all over the world, to worship and to learn. I came to commune with God and be uplifted by my brothers and sisters. Wonderfully and mercifully, in the midst of all the imperfection and weirdness, I did and I was.

At the close of the meeting our Bishop stood to offer a few closing remarks. He spoke emotionally of how the previous day he had participated in the funeral of his infant grandson, who we had all been praying for with him and his family for several weeks. He mentioned how he had been so touched by the outpouring of love and support from the ward that this little baby and his parents belong to. He bore testimony of the blessing of little children. As he concluded his remarks the primary children presented him with a huge card showing their love for their Bishop at a time of grief and loss. He thanked the children and simply said, "there is always good that comes of tragedy". It was a snapshot of exactly what I'm talking about. The tears in my eyes and the lump in my throat prevented me from singing most of the closing hymn, even with all the screaming children. I was just consumed for a moment in the goodness of God and the goodness of His people. The words of the hymn expressed the feelings of my heart.

Before thee, Lord, I bow my head

And thank thee for what has been said.

My soul vibrates; my poor heart sings

When thy sweet Spirit strikes the strings.

How sweet thy word I've heard this day!

Be thou my guide, O Lord, I pray.

May I in patience do my part.

Seal thou the word upon my heart.

Do thou, O Lord, anoint mine eyes

That I may see and win the prize.

My heart is full; mine eyes are wet.

Oh, help me, Lord, lest I forget.

So may my soul be filled with light

That I may see and win the fight,

And then at last exalted be,

In peace and rest, O Lord, with thee.

Tempio a Roma #2

2008-10-11T11:55:00.001-07:00

A few satellite pictures of the temple site!

I wish I could figure out how to highlight the plot of land...but I've tried and I can't. Running from the top-center to the right-bottom is a piece of the freeway that circles Rome, known as the GRA. The church land is in the center of the image.

A closer view. The land stretches from the top to the bottom of the image. You can see the villetta with the olive grove underneath.

A closer view of the villetta and the olive grove. The satellite photos must have been taken in the Fall or early Winter because I don't remember it being brown like this. They don't do it justice. It really is a cool place.

Tempio a Roma

2008-10-09T21:28:00.000-07:00

In May of 2005 I began this blog with a post about the very first stake in Rome, Italy, which was being organized that very day. I mentioned the historic nature of this event, not only because it was the first stake in Rome since the apostasy, but because it was an important step toward the building of a temple in Italy. I talked about some of the prophecies that had been made by Lorenzo Snow and Ezra Taft Benson regarding the future of the work of the Lord in Italy. Well, now 3 1/2 years later the Lord has seen fit to answer the multitudinous prayers of the Italian saints and the missionaries who have served them over many years! As you all know, in the Saturday morning session of general conference President Monson announced that a temple would be built in Rome. The gasp throughout the Conference Center was audible and so was mine, indicative not just of our surprise but also of our excitement. It was not an announcement that I expected but one that I received with great joy. I am so grateful and happy for the members of the Church in Italy. It did not take long for me to determine that Tania and I WILL be attending the dedication.

The temple will be built on a piece of land that the Church has owned for several years. Just prior to the time that I served in Italy, the Church purchased a plot of land on the outskirts of Rome, just inside a huge circular freeway that surrounds the greater Rome area. The land is 15 acres and sits on a hill - a classic temple site. It was formerly the site of an old Villa surrounded by trees and an olive grove. It has long been suspected that this would be the future site of the temple. On the day that we arrived in Rome, jet-lagged though we were, we spent some time on this land. The mission president shared with us the prophecies regarding Italy and then gave us time to go into the olive grove to reflect, ponder, and pray. One year later, following a transfer to Rome, this piece of land with its Villa became my home. While the Villa itself was less than ideal, the opportunity to live on this sacred plot of ground was a privilege. It was truly a beautiful place. I loved watching the sun shine through the olive trees in the early hours of the morning as I studied, or watching the sun set from the balcony on the rare occasion that we were home at sunset. I have treasured and sacred memories of this place, which will soon be the site for the first house of the Lord in Italy in the known history of the world.

On one occasion the neighboring property had a significant grass fire. The fire spread rapidly and burned a good portion of the neighbor's land. Strangely enough, it did not even touch the church land. There was a distinct line right at the property where the fire stopped, and I have pictures to prove it. It was remarkable. On another occasion the Lord granted my companion and I a great "tender mercy". Our water heater was less-than-consistent. We had been working hard preparing for conferences and we were tired of taking cold showers. We determined that in our companionship prayer we would pray that the following day we would have hot water. In fact, I believe we thanked God for giving us hot water the next day, as if it had already happened. Sure enough, the following day we took showers in steaming bliss! The next day the water was cold again but we didn't mind. Some might want to dismiss such trivial things as mere coincidence, but I'm just simple enough to believe that a kind Father was passing out bread and fishes.

On the day I was transferred from Rome I again took some time to walk through the olive grove one last time. I felt the love of God and the sweet spirit that was a part of that future hallowed ground. I grabbed an olive branch as a reminder and souvenir. The olive branch is now just twigs and leaves in a baggy, but I still have it, and it still reminds me of the time I lived on the plot of land that will soon house a temple in Rome! God be thanked for having seen fit to grant this blessing to the people of Italy and the whole Mediterranean region!

Shooting the Tube

2008-08-17T20:35:00.000-07:00

Have you ever heard of shooting the tube? Well, in high school some of my brothers were introduced to this activity. It involves going to the east side of Salt Lake, right where the I-80 freeway heads up Parley's Canyon. You park at the Sons of the Utah Pioneers building and hike your way down to the creek below. Apparently when they constructed the freeway they diverted the creek underneath by way of a huge tube. The tube is probably over a hundred yards in length and at least 8 or 9 feet in diameter. Where the creek meets the tube on the east side of the freeway there is a pool of water that develops, which then constantly flows down toward another pool at the bottom on the west side of the freeway. You walk up the inside of the tube in a little under a foot of freezing cold water. You then dam up the top pool with boards, which are always available. Once the pool has collected a large amount of water everyone sits down (this is the worst part because it is so cold) in a line and the guy in the back removes the boards. The collected water shoots down the tube and sends everyone in the tube sailing downward and into the pool below. The water is so freezing that it takes your breath away...and some jerks like to splash the whole way down! Bodies crash into each other as you fly out of the tube and into the lower pool. Of course, the water is still coming for awhile, so it takes a little effort to get up and out of the pool. It is better than any water slide you'll ever ride, except for the cold part. Just before my brother Mike headed back to Boston, my brothers, sister, and I went for a run. This was my second time, and I gotta say, a lot better than my first! We didn't have anyone to take pictures of the actual event so we had to do some staged ones. Both pictures are at the bottom of the tube just before it empties into the pool. It was a good time!

P.S. Yes, I have gained weight since I got married.

Joining the bandwagon

2008-07-17T23:01:00.000-07:00

Okay, I'm joining the bandwagon! This is like blogosphere mania right now, but I think it's pretty fun. So, here's the instructions:

1. Post one (or some) memories of me as a comment on this blog. It can be anything at all, although it will probably be coolest if it is a memory that you and I share.

2. Next, post the same instructions on your blog and make this blog trend even more trendy.

Tagged by Lisel

2008-05-26T20:20:00.000-07:00

So, this is about 20 days after the tag but I guess it is better late than never. The rule is to name 6 facts about me and tag a few people at the end. I will try to name some facts that a lot of people wouldn't know about me.

1. I hate The Princess Bride and Dumb and Dumber. I know, I know, some of the most beloved movies of practically everyone. Don't throw things or post ugly comments. When it comes to The Princess Bride, the whole show just kind of annoys me. Especially that part where the girl rolls down the mountain in that hideous orange dress shouting, "aaaas yoooou wiiiiish". Then that freaky part when the witch woman is going, "boooo, booooo" or something to that effect. L-A-M-E. Then, Dumb and Dumber is just, well, DUMB!

2. I love history. When I was a kid our yearly family vacation was to St. George for the annual pharmacy convention. I would take the tourist map from the hotel room and guide my 3 younger brothers on a tour of all the historical sites in the city while my parents were in meetings. I couldn't have been more than about 11 or 12 when we started. I'm not sure what Lisel did, maybe tanning or something. It was always hot but we would see the temple, tabernacle, Brigham Young home, play house, etc. I still remember Shayne mosied around back then too, always straggling way behind everyone else. People must have thought we were a pretty strange bunch of kids. We were nerds but they are good memories! One time, we visited the Jacob Hamblin home the next day with my parents and apparently word had spread among the senior missionaries that 4 "toe heads" were walking around the city seeing the sites without their parents.

3. When I was just a toddler my uncle thought he was real funny and pushed me into the deep end of the pool. I couldn't swim. My mom was nursing one of my brothers so another uncle jumped in to save me. I still remember the picture of being under water and panicking, then being snatched up by the uncle. As a result, I was scared of water for a long time. For the first few years that my family had a boat I would pretend I was sick everytime we went waterskiing to avoid having to try. I'm mostly over it now, but I do get a little uneasy on big bodies of water if it gets at all choppy.

4. I am a major procrastinator on most things and I usually run pretty late (family trait). I did not get my eagle until the day I turned 18. I did not hold my eagle court of honor until two weeks before I left on my mission.

5. I have never broken a bone or cut myself bad enough to get stitches. I've had to have stitches or staples for some minor surgeries but never from an accident.

6. I really like to do yard work. There is something that feels really good about working outside and getting your hands dirty. I miss not having a yard to help out with. I like it so much that Jeje and I decided to plant a garden of sorts and hang it on our 3rd-story balcony. I will have to take some pictures and post the funny story to go along with it another time!

I tag Jeje and Mike, since they haven't responded to the tag from Lisel yet. I also tag anyone else who needs something to blog about but can't think of anything at the moment.

Moses 1 and the Temple

2008-05-05T20:34:00.000-07:00

Do you ever feel like you have something to say but don't quite know what it is? It's like there are churning thoughts in the back of your mind and you want to express them but there aren't words or sentences to organize them into understandable discourse. In fact, there isn't even really a topic or focus, it's more feeling than cognition. Well, that's how I've felt the last few days. Not sure why, but I do. Maybe it's because I've been trying to make sense of a few things in my life in the last few weeks. Much to the chagrin of my feminine-communicating-style wife I've always been a private thinker and problem solver, prefering to sort things out internally before even acknowledging to others that I've been thinking about or pondering over something in the first place. Admittedly, this is an odd characteristic for someone who listens to people's thoughts and feelings all day, and who has been trained to "talk it out". But, it is what it is, and sometimes it is to my detriment. Given all of that I figured it was time to blog again, since it has been far too long and I just feel like saying something.

A few years ago I did an intense study of Moses, chapter 1. There was a great need at the time. I found some of the answers I was praying and searching for. It is, perhaps, one of the most powerful chapters of scripture ever recorded. The lessons are plentiful. More recently that study has returned to the forefront of my mind as I have worked with struggling clients. Then, over the weekend Jeje and I went to the temple and I saw very similar lessons taught there in a more visual and symbolic way.

Perhaps one of the greatest lessons that can be gleaned from Moses 1 is satanic style, in other words, the tactics of the great tempter. We know that God is unchanging, from everlasting to everlasting, He is the same yesterday, today, and forever. Thus, we can learn from the scriptures and the prophets, patterns of divine interaction and involvement that engender faith in the constant character of the Creator. Similarly, I believe, we might gain insight into the patterns of the evil one, who is Lucifer, that eternally banished and fallen son of the morning. The following are a few devious devices that are demonstrated in Moses 1 and also, to some extent, played out in the temple ceremony.

1. In an amazing discourse entitled "Cast Not Away Therefore Your Confidence", Elder Jeffrey R. Holland taught the principle, with his extraordinary power and eloquence, that Satan rears his ugly head not only previous to and in anticipation of great revelatory and spiritual moments, but also after them. It is AFTER Moses speaks to God "face to face" in the mountain, receives His glory upon him, is taught that he is in similitude of the Only Begotten, and hears that God has a work for him, that the old serpent comes to the scene. So it is with us, albeit on a smaller scale. Of course, Satan's object and design in this tactic is to cause us to question, to doubt, to forget, and to fall.

2. Satan would apparently direct our focus to our carnal nature and persuade us to follow it. We are born into a fallen world - "carnal, sensual, and devilish" - and the old nick exploits that condition as much as possible. Moses had just been informed by the Lord Himself that he (Moses) was HIs (God's) son, in similitude of His Only Begotten. Yet, the very first thing that Satan says to Moses is, "Moses, son of MAN". It seems that the adversary's tactic here is to divert Moses from what he had just learned. Satan is no dummy. He does not tell Moses that he is not a son of God, that would be too revealing of his intentions after what Moses had just experienced. Instead, he just reminds him that he is a son of man. His pattern is subtle, using the lower truth that Moses is a son of man (remember Moses had just exclaimed that "man is nothing, which thing I never had supposed") to distract him from the higher truth of his sonship to God the Father. Is there not a struggle within us all between the spirit and the flesh? Indeed, "the spirit is willing but the flesh is weak". Though this dichotomy may present itself differently in each of us there is generally a part of us that feels the truth of our divine heritage, that longs to do right, and another part of us that is tempted and attracted by the things of the flesh and the world. The tendencies have varying names and manifestations but in each individual sphere the pull is great to succomb to them. Satan stands ready to remind us of that pull. Furthermore, it appears that even when we are seeking out God for direction or answers, he who rebelled against Him is there to offer some answers of his own.

3. The great serpent, who actually has no more power or authority than a harmless garden snake, commands us to worship him as if we have no choice. Following the adversary's reminder to Moses that he is a son of man, he demands, "worship me!". To worship is to love (in fact, in Italian the verb 'to worship' is 'adorare', that is, to adore or to love) and to love is to heed and to follow. The message seems to be, "you are this way so embrace it, love it, heed it, and follow me". The happy trail leads to nowhere. Perhaps this is no more aptly exemplified than in our modern world. In great irony, choice is heralded above all, but only inasmuch as it is legitimized by the loudest voices. Any decision contrary to their choice is simply backward, suppressed, or otherwise insignificant.

4. The adversary attempts to cause us to fear. Of course, fear and faith are polar opposites. When Moses initially rebuts Satan, Mr. Devil pulls the drama card and "cries with a loud voice and rants upon the earth". His tactic is evidently to lead us to lose confidence in ourselves and our Father. Thankfully, I don't know of too many who have heard Satan literally crying out or seen him ranting on the earth, but he certainly cries out in our lives and rants in our souls in a more spiritual and emotional way. The message is often something like, "You can't do this" or "God isn't listening to you" or "You're not worth it". Such rants raise fear and weaken faith necessary to call upon God for deliverance, healing, grace, or any other blessing.

5. Satan uses every strategy to convince, including intimidation and tantrum. Furthermore, he does not go easily. At one point in Moses' interaction with the evil one the devil trembles and the earth shakes. He even goes so far as to weep, wail, and gnash his teeth. Apparently when subtlety is futile he is willing to up the stakes and pull out all the stops. Although we may not see him shake the earth, we may feel him shake our faith. We might expect then, that sometimes things get worse before they get better when it comes to overcoming the influence of Satan and the flesh. We might also expect that as we grow closer to God the intensity of his buffetings may very well increase.

I do not pretend to be an expert on the subject, nor do I wish to imply that I fully understand these principles or always manage them as I should. No doubt, there are additional tactics not discussed here. Surely, there are more nuances to be observed and insights to be had. Nevertheless, these few points have been helpful for me. I believe there is strength in awareness. With greater insight into the satanic style we can then more clearly see how Moses counters it, and thus, how we can recognize it in our own experience and counter it ourselves...but that's for another post!

...And the Next Thing I Knew...

2008-03-21T15:03:00.000-07:00

I had just picked up a new door handle for my car at the local Toyota dealership's Parts and Service Department. On my way home, not even two blocks away from the dealership, I momentarily looked down and the next thing I knew I was only feet behind an ugly metal fortress of a vehicle that was at a complete stop. I slammed on my breaks but it was too late. Thank goodness, no one was hurt and his car didn't even have a scratch. My car was not so lucky. This is now the second time that my hood has buckled, fender been crashed in, light busted up, and alignment destroyed. There goes the tax return. It has not been the best week of my life. Here's to a better one next week!

A Few Memories of the Lord's Anointed

2008-01-28T20:21:00.000-08:00

Today, with many of you, I have spent some time reflecting on the life of President Gordon B. Hinckley, prophet of the Lord for nearly the last 13 years, and lifetime disciple of Jesus Christ. I hesitate to write about it because nearly everyone is, and heaven knows I don't have anything particularly unique to add to the incredible tributes that have already poured down like rain. I have listened to the news stories and read the articles from local outlets and national giants. I have taken in the commentary from friends, religious leaders, and politicians remembering and praising the prophet. In all the listening I have not come up with any profound conclusions, only a simple question. How is it that we all feel like we knew President Hinckley and that he knew us? I don't know the answer, but I know that I feel that way. Every story, every statement, every blog seems to reflect the same sentiment. I never got the chance to actually meet President Hinckley, I've never shaken his hand or told him my name. I've been in the same room (actually ginormous hall) as him, I've been in close proximity outside, but never actually met the man face-to-face. Why then, do I feel such an affinity to him. He would no more know me than a stranger on the street, and yet somehow he did.

In April of 1995 during a solemn assembly, as a 14-year-old boy, I stood with all the Teachers in the Aaronic priesthood throughout the church to sustain the new prophet, seer, and revelator. One by one each quorum stood, then the whole body of the church. It was in the living room of a friend and he and I stood with the awkwardness of teenagers but also with the feeling of great sacredness within. We took part in that historic moment that has only come a handful of times in this dispensation and we resolutely raised our arms to the square...and the Spirit bore witness.

In July 1997 we gathered at This is the Place Heritage Park to welcome in the wagon train arriving in the valley after a long trek that reenacted the same journey of 1847 in commemoration of the pioneer sesquicentenial. We were a "basket family" dressed in pioneer garb ready to greet the weary traveleres with a basket of food and gifts. President Hinckley was there too. It was my first close encounter and the Spirit bore witness.

In April of 2000 I was a young missionary in my first city. I had only been in the field a month and I was homesick and discouraged. We traveled to a nearby city to hear General Conference - in English! President Hinckley spoke these words, his voice cracking with emotion, "He is my God and my King. From everlasting to everlasting, He will reign and rule as King of Kings and Lord of Lords. To His dominion there will be no end. To His glory there will be no night. None other can take His place. None other ever will. Unblemished and without fault of any kind, He is the Lamb of God, to whom I bow and through whom I approach my Father in Heaven." The message inspired me and reminded me of the power of His work. The Spirit bore witness.

In February of 2002 I happened to get a ticket with a random family to the church program in the Conference Center during the Olympics. I was sitting clear up in the balcony. President Hinckley was not expected to attend the performance that evening but in a surprise to everyone he entered the hall. I am always touched by the hush that immediately comes over any congregation when the prophet enters the room, but this time it was different. There was a gasp and then a cheer and then extended applause. It was not something that we should adopt in Conference, but in this setting, with people from all over the world, including dignitaries and athletes, it was moving. The Spirit bore witness.

In discourses too many to mention he spoke with the power of God and the Spirit bore witness. God in His tender compassion bore witness to me through His Spirit that President Hinckley was His mouthpiece on earth for that time. He was indeed His anointed at that hour, in that day, with that message. What is even more remarkable is that God inspired His servant to speak to me, and to you, and to the whole world. The Spirit knits hearts together in love, even hearts that are otherwise unfamiliar to one another. So, I did know President Hinckley and he knew me after all, because God knows His prophet and God knows me and the Spirit bears witness.

I will miss our beloved prophet. I will miss his friendly smile and being called by him a "beloved associate". I will remember his great humor and his favorite prop for jokes - the cane. I will picture him at the pulpit in my mind, his right hand moving up and down to emphasize his point, and hear his words echo as he draws out the word 'great', as if to match the phonetics with the meaning being conveyed. I will miss his incredible organization and use of language, his innovation, his willingness to speak to the media, his boundless energy. But most of all, I will miss his testimony and his love. Can anyone doubt that this man knew the Lord? Now the page will turn to another chapter in church history but we look forward with excitement and optimism, for the words that President Hinckley used on several occasions to close Conference are always true for us, "He watching over Israel, slumbers not nor sleeps!"

And the Spirit bears witness.

If I were Mitt Romney

2007-12-10T21:00:00.000-08:00

Last week Mitt Romney gave his long-awaited speech on faith in America, which, despite Romney's insistence to the contrary, was an attempt to allay fears about his Mormonism for Republican primary voters. His speech was directed to all Americans, and all Republican primary voters, but especially to Evangelical Christians. Conservative Evangelicals make up about 30% of the Republican voting block and in some crucial states (like Iowa) they make up more like 40%. Mike Huckabee has been gaining on Mitt's long-held and very strong lead in Iowa for several weeks running. Huckabee, a former Baptist preacher, has been running an ad on TV touting himself as a "Christian Leader" to edge out Romney and gain favor with the religious right. Furthermore, poll numbers continue to indicate that Americans have reservations about voting for a Mormon for president. Given all of this, it was essential that Romney speak up.

I thought Mitt's speech was excellent. Pundits and advisors called it "risky" but he did what he needed to do. He spoke genuinely from the heart instead of being "wonkish", as he has been characterized recently. He declared that he believed Jesus Christ is the Son of God and the Savior of mankind. He spoke about the travesty occuring in our nation of the slow drift toward state-endorsed atheism. He said that no matter what the political consequences, he would not distance himself from the faith of his fathers! Romney did not address doctrinal differences, which was very wise, that would have opened an irreconcilable quagmire. Instead, he focused on values - values that he shares with Evangelical Christians.

I admit that I have had reservations about Romney. To me he has seemed too apt to political convenience. In the debates he seems to say what the voters want to hear, rather than what is right. Too much tip-toeing. Nevertheless, at town hall meetings when Mitt is alone he is much more articulate and strong. I really do think that Romney is a truly good man, but he hasn't quite developed the ability to connect with people as well as some others. And, I also admit that I have been impressed with Huckabee, who is very eloquent, genuine, and witty. BUT, I am extremely frustrated with recent developments. I am absolutely amazed that in today's world it is okay to discriminate against a Mormon. Frankly, it is despicable that Huckabee is intentionally using his religion to move ahead of Romney - politically brilliant but socially unethical. All of the other candidates are "traditional" Christians and not one of them has played off the misunderstandings and biases of the public by using the religion card for political advantage. How is this acceptable to such a large portion of the American public? The constitution specifically states that there will be no religious test for office! As a nationally syndicated columnist asked yesterday, "Would it be acceptable if the ads were run and the opponent was Joseph Lieberman (a Jew)?" There is not ONE single shred of evidence that being a Mormon or adhering to the doctrines of this brand of faith impairs or even affects the ability of Orrin Hatch, Bob Bennett, Gordon Smith, Mike Crapo, or HARRY REID to do their job - all senators, all Mormons! There is also no evidence that the authorities of the church attempt to intervene in or even influence their decisions. To realize this, one need look no further than the difference between Mr. Reid, the raging liberal Senate majority leader, and Mr. Hatch, a 6-term conservative stalwart.

Given all this prejudice and given the fact that Romney really has nothing to lose at this point, if I were Romney I would have taken the speech just a couple of steps further and made it just a tad bit more "risky" and let the chips fall where they may. It would have included something like this (of course only a snippet of the whole discourse):

I am a man of faith. I was raised in a church-going family and a home of prayer. My ancestors were driven from their homes more than once, their rights trampled, all in the name of religion. They were mobbed and denigrated and raped and killed. I am proud of the faith of my fathers and I will never distance myself from it for political gain. We must be past the days of religious oppression and discrimination. You may call me a Mormon but I belong to the Church of JESUS CHRIST of Latter-day Saints! I have studied the Bible from the time I was just a boy. I interrupted college at Stanford University and left behind my family, who at the time were engaged in a presidential campaign, and served God full-time for two years of my life - everyday, teaching and testifying of Jesus Christ and His message. I endured persecution and nearly died in an automobile accident, but I didn't go home, I fought the good fight of Christ. I have since raised my own family in a spirit of faith and served as a lay Christian leader of a huge congregation in the Boston area. I worship each Sunday and gather my family frequently for study, fasting, and prayer. I read the Bible daily and though I fall short I strive to adhere to its principles. I know that Jesus Christ is not only the Savior of the world, but also my personal Savior, and that only in and through His grace will I be saved. There is no religious grouping or denomination that has a monopoly on that solemn declaration! I know that He is the Son of God and that He will come again. We may disagree about technical definitions of what it means to be a "true" Christian, but you show me a man who believes in Christ and loves Him and obeys him and tries to serve Him and I will show you a TRUE Christian! One's identification as a Christian is not determined by others, it is proclaimed by himself. It is not determined by the creeds of men, it is determined by his life. Had I lived at the time of ancient Rome I would have gone to the lions just like you. If I am not qualified to be president of the United States based off specific doctrinal differences that will have no bearing on my ability to perform the duties of that high office, so let it be! But I say to you that the founders of our nation would cringe at such an idea. I say that is religious bigotry.

Would it go over well with the hard-core evangelical leaders? No. Would it speak to the people and be courageous and bold? Yes. And that's what we need in a president.

My thoughts

2007-10-11T19:42:00.000-07:00

It has once again been far too long since I have deposited my two cents in the blogging world piggy bank. I guess I have been so busy that I haven't had time to organize worthwhile thoughts around any particular subject. I still haven't, but figured I might as well opine on a few matters anyway.

This fall is the first fall in the history of my life since the age of 3 or 4 that I have not returned to the classroom or lecture hall, save the time I was on my mission. I miss school already. Sure, it's nice to be able to come home and not have any reading to do or papers to write, it's great to have a job that pays decent, and it's nice to have time to actually read what I want to read, but at the same time I miss that kind of learning. There is also a certain amount of safety in school. It is familiar. It is something at which I've done well. Now that I'm out of school I feel more officially "grown up", which opens the door to "the real world" and all that comes with it. I'm still getting used to the fact that I have an office with my name on the door. I have a lease with my name on it. I have an employee IRA. This year I will mark something other than the 'student' box under profession on my taxes. Why is it that sometimes I just don't feel old enough for all this stuff?

If I don't start exercising soon I'm gonna gain 50 lbs. by the end of the year!

Therapy is more than just talking. Healing is most often a process, not an event.

Saturday marks 8 years since I received my mission call to the Italy, Rome mission. That's a day I'll never forget.

I love President Eyring! I want to be as genuine and humble as him.

My creative side is challenged.

I hate when I'm this overdue for a haircut!

The leaves in Sardine Canyon last week were the most amazing colors I've ever seen. I didn't know we had autumn leaves like that in Utah.

Mitt Romney has got to be less stiff and more genuine if he wants to win the primaries, let alone the general election. I'm really impressed by Mike Huckabee - unelectable but nevertheless an eloquent, capable, and good man. I'm beginning to fear more and more that we are going to wake up on the first wednesday of November 2008 to the news of Madame President. I'm not scared that the title will be Madame President, just scared of who the Madame will be!

It's awesome to have my whole family here in Utah, even if it's just for a little bit. I can't get over how fortunate I feel to be in such a fun and supportive and loving family.

That's all...for now.

Misfortune

2007-08-01T18:34:00.000-07:00

Today at this time I was to begin moving into a home that I have been waiting on for several months. This is a home that was built by my great-great-grandfather around 1890 in Richmond, Utah. The home has been in the family for nearly 120 years! Ancestors have been born and have died and have worked and played in that house. It was the home where my grandma grew up and since that time has been occupied by several uncles, aunts, and cousins over the years. I have spent many hours out there trying to get things cleaned up and improved. Perhaps I am too cheesy and sentimental but there is just a special connection I feel with that house because of my family. I was getting so excited to make the move, finally unpack my things, settle in, and take on the yardwork! In a way, taking care of the place would be my way of giving back some of what they have given me. But, as fate would have it, yesterday around 12:00 noon misfortune struck.

http://hjnews.townnews.com/articles/2007/08/01/newtoday/newtoday04.txt

Needless to say, I won't be moving in anytime soon. We are very hopeful that it can be restored but we aren't sure yet. The original two rooms are salvageable and no one was hurt! I suppose those are things we can be grateful for. What is so interesting to me is that I was supposed to have moved in several times in the last few months but there always seemed to be problems that prevented that. In this awful accident there are many people who have lost more than I in terms of money, sacrifice, and sentiment. I do not want to sound like a poor victim here. Nevertheless, I find it remarkable that even in great loss we are shown the loving, and in this case, preserving hand of God. Though I feel sick about the whole thing, it could have been worse. Accident struck the day before I moved in!

Some lessons about the big city

2007-06-06T18:27:00.000-07:00

In this valley the temperatures can go from very warm, even hot, to chilling winter cold. I can't believe that it was 45 degrees today. That is absolutely ridiculous for June 6th!

People tend to swear quite a bit here. It must be part of the small town culture or something, or maybe it's because I am coming from BYU. I've been around people who swear frequently before and it really doesn't bother me a ton (aside from the f-word and the profane use of the name of God), but generally they have been part of a different crowd. Here, those you would expect would be less likely to swear proudly - swear unabashedly - as if it is essential to salt and pepper your speech with explitives for added emphasis.

I've decided bad traffic exists everywhere, that's just a relative term!

In some places, besides Country Music Television, it is dang cool to be a cowboy, to talk about steel toe boots, Stetsin hats, and wrangler jeans.

I've made grammatical errors all my life. It is "we was" and "I seen". Why didn't anyone tell me this before? You may think, 'Come on, nobody really talks like that.' Oh, yes they do. I'm talking professionals, like nurses and social workers. It's kinda fun, actually.

My Advice for Mitt

2007-05-26T23:00:00.000-07:00

With all the recent news about presidential candidate Mitt Romney there has been a surge in news on the Mormons too. A PBS documentary, 60 Minutes special, and Time Magazine report are three major examples of the additional attention. In my view, in each case the reporting served at best to bring increased exposure to the Church and to Romney, but at worst only furthered general public misunderstanding and prejudice about the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.

Currently, on national polls of likely Republican primary voters Romney is garnering support from between 10-15% of those polled. Some polls indicate that he is slowly rising, but they also show that, in many cases, he comes in behind Fred Thompson and Newt Gingrich, neither of whom have announced candidacy for the presidency in '08. Now, this could be good news for Mitt if these candidates don't enter the race, which may be the case. However, even in polls where these men are removed from the mix Romney's numbers stand fairly constant, and still below front runners Rudy Giuliani and John McCain. It is true that there are still 9 months or so until the first primaries, it is also true that approximately 20% of likely primary voters are still uncertain, and it is true that Romney is doing an excellent job with fundraising. Also, in Iowa and New Hampshire, certainly two of the most important primary states and places where Romney has done considerable campaigning and TV ads, recent polls suggest Romney has a nice lead. Surely there is much to be optimistic about in the Romney camp, but if I were part of the campaign I would be looking at some concerns.

Romney's campaign presents some dilemmas for the typical Republican primary voter who is generally staunchly conservative and certainly more to the right than to the center. His apparent "flip-flopping" for political gain on matters such as abortion have many concerned. I must admit, it bothers me too. Of course, Mitt uses the appropriate political verbage to explain his position. It doesn't bother me so much that he's changed his position, or even that his "previous" position was one I disagree with. I personally think he has always held his current position on the matter. What bothers me is that he has seemingly adjusted positions on very sensitive, strongly-held issues to get votes in Massachusetts races. But, putting that aside the other two major contenders in the Republican field present just as much, if not more trouble to social conservatives. They too, perhaps like most politicians, are guilty of some adjustment for the purpose of votes. In terms of actual practice of faith and family values - not just talking about them - Mitt Romney is unmatched among the top tier Republicans. Furthermore, Romney's record of leadership in business, the Olympics, and state government is undeniably remarkable. His defense of the traditional family in the face of liberal Massachusetts justices and state legislators was impressive to say the least. Romney is a very strong candidate for president of the United States. He is likeable, articulate, strong on leadership and character, armed with innovative ideas, referred to as "handsome", and an outsider of Washington. So, what are the obstacles? Primary voters are not really excited about any of the 3 contenders. Perhaps of any of the candidates Romney should be the one to identify with the voters and pull ahead.

Certainly McCain and Giuliani have the help of name recognition going for them. But I think we all recognize there is more to it than that. Recent polls indicate that up to 35% of Americans would hesitate to vote for a Mormon for president. Herein lies Romney's most formidable challenge - he is a Mormon. Thus far he has generally tried to skirt around, side step, and basically avoid the issue. He continues to use the same response to questions over and over again. It goes something like this, "I think the American people want a man of faith at the head of this country." Now, I'm not suggesting that Romney has downplayed the fact that he has faith but he has certainly been on the defensive about his particular BRAND of faith. The media and public have brought the issue to him. He hasn't shied away from stating that he is a member of the LDS church but he rarely goes beyond that. He is certainly capable of articulate response. For some reason it appears that his team is in denial that it IS a real issue for the voters. Should it be an issue? Probably not, but current reality says it is, especially in a Republican primary full of Evangelicals, some of whom still believe that so-called "Mormonism" (we would say the restored gospel of Jesus Christ) is synonymous with Satanic cultism.

I really like Mitt, although I haven't decided yet who I will support because I like McCain too. I would like to see him do well, partly because he is a latter-day saint but mostly because he is such a great candidate. Given the immediate scenario that lays before us I have a few suggestions for Mitt, not that he or anyone else closely associated to his camp would ever read this humble blog, just to throw in my two cents.

1. Given that there is an evidenced bias in the American public against Mormons running for president and given that the media is continually raising the issue, and furthermore given that their attempts to discuss and portray the Church in light of Romney's candidacy have been poor, I think Mitt needs to take control of the issue. He needs to be on the offensive about his religion not on the defensive.

2. Romney should address his faith somewhere on his website. I'm not talking about a missionary discussion but rather a brief account of what his faith means to him and his family in general terms, perhaps recounting his involvement in the church as a missionary and lay teacher. Here he should make it clear that the LDS church is in no way promoting his candidacy and that he does not represent the church in any official capacity, just like any of the other candidates and their religious affiliations. There should be a discussion about other politicians serving across the nation who are members of the church and the wide variety of political positions AND ideology they hold - Harry Reid, Orrin Hatch, Bob Bennett, and Gordon Smith in the Senate; Mike Leavitt as Secretary of Health and Human Services and hundreds of others in the executive branch; a dozen or so representatives in the House; a couple of Governors; many federal judges; and countless state and local legislators, mayors, and councilmen/women. Included in this discussion should be references and links to official church statements that express political neutrality and explicitly note that LDS people involved in the political process are not beholden to church leaders or official church positions in their decisions. I recognize this could be sticky and could have the danger of making too big of a deal of things, but I believe people are curious. Far better to hear it from Romney and the Church than from Time Magazine.

3. I really think Romney needs to take the JFK approach and deliver a speech on this subject. JFK gave his speech and even responded to questions from Protestant religious leaders involved in politics. Timing and location of this kind of speech would be very important. It ought to be as high profile as possible to reach out to all Americans but at the same time especially target those with the most concern. Perhaps Romney could make reference to his personal faith in Jesus Christ, and his adherence to the Bible, but his respect for all faith traditions citing the constitution and the 11th Article of Faith. He should be bold in declaring how his faith guides his political life and how it does not. Here you would expect his answer to be very similar to that of all people of faith who serve in public office. Religious bigotry and misunderstanding could be mentioned, JFK as the first Catholic president should be used as an example. Doctrinal differences should never be used as a litmus test for public office. Some of the discussion indicated in suggestion #2 should also be outlined. Basically, the speech needs to relieve some of the curiosity that exists and reassure the American people that there is nothing to be scared of in voting for a Mormon president. Mitt Romney will not be a "puppet" of the President of the Church. He will not try to convert the American people or other nations of the world. I HIGHLY doubt he will even be as open about his faith as President Bush, which is something that I actually like about the president.

4. Finally, while I think Mitt needs to reach out to the religious right, it really kind of bugs me that the Republican party is so beholden to it. I don't think that it is just the Evangelicals who are curious and apprehensive about Romeny's faith so I don't think these suggestions would only serve to gain their support. Numbers I have seen indicate that the religious right makes up about 30% of the Republican voting block, no doubt a considerable chunk. Nevertheless, that leaves 70% of the block to concentrate on. I don't think catering to the religious right will be the key, nor should it be the strategy in this election as it has been in 2000 and particularly 2004. Romeny's team needs to find a way to connect with significant groups within that 70% block. I think he will naturally receive a significant portion of that 30% block anyway because given the candidates there is not any one contender that really appeals to that group. They will be split, which I personally see as a good thing. It is no better for the Republican party to be beholden to the far right than the Democratic party to be beholden to the far left.

I'm certain that the heat is only going to increase for Mitt Romney regarding his religion, particularly if he continues to rise in the polls. Going on the offensive will serve to deflate some of the intrigue of the issue and allow him to focus on his strengths in the campaign.

"Wow, you're looking pretty thin up here!"

2007-05-17T16:14:00.000-07:00

A new location to call home means a new person to cut my hair. It is more difficult now to go to Sister and get a very good haircut without a fee (although I like to offer a small donation). Without this luxury I am forced to pay 15 bucks for an in-and-out-of-the-chair-in-five-minutes lousy job. Of course, we go through the small talk and the concluding sales pitch for a number of shampoos and gels that "insert vitamins into your hair follicles for a more healthy head of hair." Pardon my cynical skepticism, but come on now! Perhaps I am just bitter because, in her effort to sell me her products, this very tactful cosmotologist made the comment that stands as the title of this post! Is it really that bad? Am I balding? I think I am headed for a self-image crisis! :)

I never would have imagined

2007-04-23T20:21:00.000-07:00

Who would have thought, on that fall night more than 6 years ago, that one day I would find myself in a temple in Switzerland together with the family that had just let us into their home to teach the gospel? I still can hardly believe it! It was such a great time!

To write about the whole week would mean a very long post that most of you would not be interested in reading, so I will spare you the boredom. The surprise was pulled of excellently! I arrived early in the day on Monday and awaited the arrival of the Zarrelli family later that evening. When they arrived I was waiting in the lobby of the hostel, which is owned and operated by the church for members traveling to the temple. First, the youngest son, Sandro, walked through the door, his face one of pure astoundment. I embraced him in a huge hug just as Pasquale, the father of the family, stepped through the door. He grinned as wide as eternity and simply said, "I knew you would come". A big hug and an Italian kiss (firmly grabbing your head on both sides and kissing both cheeks) followed. "How are you", I asked. "I couldn't be better", he said.

Next came Maria. Father and son told me that she was out walking around a bit to gaze at the temple. She was so awestruck by it all. I walked out the door into the darkness of the evening and saw her figure walking toward the hostel. I called out, "Is there a Maria Zarrelli around here?" I heard her gasp and then opened my arms as she ran toward me. She burst into tears and cried on my shoulder for several minutes. "I knew you would be here. I knew you would come!"

The following day was the special occasion. As we opened the large doors to enter the temple, Maria was once again overcome with emotion as the realization touched her heart that the long awaited day had finally come. You must excuse my faithlessness but I'm always somewhat anxious when I witness someone go through the temple for the first time, unsure of how they will respond to the very symbolic and unique experience of the temple. They were absolutely comfortable. Maria said to me in the Celestial room, "I've known all this before". Indeed.

The sealing that followed was absolutely beautiful. I had never seen a sealing of a couple that had been previously married, in this case for many years. There is something extra special about it because of their maturity and already existing foundation of love. The sealer's words were some of the most profound and insightful that I had every heard in a sealing ceremony. The Spirit was very powerful. Finally, the moment came when Sandro was invited into the room. This was also a new experience, as I had never witnessed the sealing of a live child to his parents. Much of the reason the family was finally there was because of this young man. They have been too poor to make the long trip to the temple up until now. The youth have gone several times and Sandro has been able to go. Upon his return from their last trip, he said to his parents, "won't you please take us to the temple to be sealed for my 18th birthday?" The Spirit was palpable as Sandro kneeled at the altar and placed his hand upon those of his parents. The sealer began the prayer and Sandro began to weep. His shoulders shook and tears poured down his cheeks as the sealer pronouned, "time and all eternity". I've never seen Pasquale cry but tears streamed down his cheeks too. So powerful!

I've never spent so much time in the temple in such a short period of time in all my life. We literally did hundreds and hundreds of baptisms, about 10 endowment sessions, and dozens of initiatory names. The Zarrellis had prepared tons of names from their own family lines to receive the sacred ordinances. It was remarkable how much these members accomplish during these trips, and how much they relish in serving in the house of the Lord. Are we so willing?

And so it is that the miracle continues. On that October night the prayers of a yearning missionary and the prayers of a searching family were answered by the same Father. He has been there through everything. Now they are an eternal family, they have opened the door for hundreds of relatives to receive the same blessings, they serve faithfully in the church, Sandro is preparing to serve a mission where he will share his joy and testimony with many more, and they are happy! I never would have imagined!

Ci vediamo al tempio!

2007-04-02T20:37:00.000-07:00

The tickets have been purchased! Two weeks from yesterday I will be on my way to Switzerland (the land of my heritage, by the way) to witness the sealing of one of my favorite families in all the world. This is going to be the coolest surprise I have ever participated in! They have no idea that I'm coming, although Maria (the mother) said goodbye to me yesterday on the phone by saying, "We'll be waiting for you!" I told them that I just did not think I would be able to make it, but how can you let down faith like that?

The still, small voice with increased volume

2007-03-29T12:18:00.000-07:00

Sometimes God speaks quietly, almost imperceptibly to the cluttered and busy mind, and sometimes He speaks loudly! Today was such a day. Whereas I once was blind, now I see. A long awaited answer has come with clarity and resolve.

Be still, my soul the Lord is on thy side.
With patience bear thy cross of grief or pain.
Leave to thy God to order and provide;
In every change He faithful will remain.
Be still, my soul thy best thy heavenly Friend
Through thorny ways leads to a joyful end.

Thank You Father!

"How Great Shall Be Your Joy"

2007-03-12T19:40:00.000-07:00

And again, verily I say unto you, if a man marry a wife by my word, which is my law, and by the new and everlasting covenant, and it is sealed unto them by the Holy Spirit of promise, by him who is anointed, unto whom I have appointed this power and the keys of this priesthood; and it shall be said unto them—Ye shall come forth in the first resurrection; and if it be after the first resurrection, in the next resurrection; and shall inherit thrones, kingdoms, principalities, and powers, dominions, all heights and depths—then shall it be written in the Lamb’s Book of Life,...and if ye abide in my covenant,...it shall be done unto them in all things whatsoever my servant hath put upon them, in time, and through all eternity; and shall be of full force when they are out of the world; and they shall pass by the angels, and the gods, which are set there, to their exaltation and glory in all things, as hath been sealed upon their heads, which glory shall be a fulness and a continuation of the seeds forever and ever.

In my opinion, these are some of the most beautiful and profound words in all of scripture. I received news today that the Zarrelli family from Naples, Italy will at long last make the trip to Switzerland to the nearest temple. There they will receive their endowment and be sealed as an eternal family. Aside from enduring to the end and receiving eternal life, this is the consummate desire of every missionary for his/her investigators. It is an answer to many prayers!

And if it so be that you should labor all your days in crying repentance unto this people, and bring save it be one soul unto me, how great shall be your joy with him in the kingdom of my Father!

I do not suggest that I brought any souls, particularly the souls of this family, to Him. The whole process was pure miracle. They were prepared and the Spirit bore powerful witness to their humble hearts. However, I was able to be an instrument in His hands to teach this beautiful family the principles of the gospel. I'll never forget that. Now they are going to the temple. My joy is already overflowing, I can't imagine what it will be like with them in the kingdom of our Father. You have no idea how tempted I am to book a flight! Who cares about the money - this is once in eternity!

The End Result

2007-03-05T20:48:00.000-08:00

I decided to post this since most people weren't able to hear it. Thanks for everyone's help and suggestions, it's a hard topic to cover in 7 minutes. I'm sure there is a better way to post this but I don't know how. To those who are willing...read on.

Increasing in Wisdom and Stature, and in Favor with God and Man
Talk given in Stake Priesthood Leadership Meeting, March 4, 2007

I am sincerely humbled to stand before you to carry out this assignment this morning. I take it very seriously and consider it a sacred task, as so many of us have come seeking to be inspired and uplifted. The topic I have been given is: Finding balance in our lives. I have earnestly sought the guidance and direction of the Spirit as I have prepared these remarks and similarly seek it now. I pray that the message shared today will be His personalized message to each individual heart.

I ask the question, what is a balanced life? Perhaps we can compare our life to a masterpiece played by a great orchestra. The sections of this orchestra are family, work, church, education, social activity, recreation, and so forth. Each section contributes to the cumulative sound of an inspiring symphony. The instruments are the various activities, responsibilities, privileges, and tasks of each of those sections. We are the musicians at every chair, playing every instrument. Surely, at times one section will play more quickly and loudly than others. The demands of family may need more attention than recreation, or school more than social activity. Sometimes there will be solos of one section or one instrument with diminished attention to all other parts, such as during full-time missionary service. We all know that at other times there is a demand for every section and every instrument to play a part in swelling the strains. Though the masterpiece to be played is unique to each of us we have a musical score to guide us – it is more perceived than it is scripted, though surely our foreordained mission is the foundational melody. We exercise our agency in “wisdom and in order” according to the circumstances of life, the principles of the gospel, and the direction of the Spirit. We look to God our Eternal Father to be our conductor. When we fail to follow the score, are poorly practiced, or ignore the guidance of the conductor, our life becomes something a kin to the sound of a junior high concert. In this light, balance becomes much more about harmony among the various parts of our life than equality or symmetry.

The fruits of a balanced life are peace and serenity. When we have harmony and balance in our lives we are far less likely to be overwhelmed and overcome by stress, fatigue, depression, temptation, and discouragement. Furthermore, balance invites the Spirit of the Lord into our lives. Pres. James E. Faust has said, “It is much easier for those who have a righteous balance to yield ‘to the enticings of the Holy Spirit’…and become someone much more enlightened.” Of course, as we learn day by day to better understand how the Spirit speaks to us and then follow its quiet promptings we will be much more likely to have appropriate balance in our lives, thus demonstrating a wonderful trajectory of progression.

How do we achieve a balanced life? Elder M. Russell Ballard gives meaningful counsel to members of the church, particularly leaders in the church, stating, “The key, it seems to me, is to know and understand your own capabilities and limitations and then to pace yourself, allocating and prioritizing your time, your attention, and your resources to wisely help others in their quest for eternal life.” It seems to me that the management of our time and the prioritizing of our many options and activities are two particularly important skills in achieving a balanced life, remembering always that it is “not requisite that a man should run faster than he has strength” (Mosiah 4:27). Elder Neal A. Maxwell declared, “Our management of our time tells us so much about the management of ourselves.”

The strategies, programs, and techniques of prioritizing and time management are countless. Most can be useful and beneficial when chosen to meet our individual circumstances and personal styles. But, by way of testimony I offer this one truth. The Savior taught, “But the Comforter, which is the Holy Ghost, whom the Father will send in my name, he shall teach you all things, and bring all things to your rememberance…” (John 14:26). I have found in my very limited experience that the times when I have felt most balanced, I have been praying for guidance in exercising good judgment and asking the Lord to point out the areas of my life that are in most need of attention. Here I urge caution because the Lord surely answers those prayers, but always such experiences are tutorial and bring needed harmony to life.

Jesus was a perfect example to follow of one who lived a balanced life. Luke records, “And Jesus increased in wisdom and stature, and in favor with God and man.” (Luke 2:52). Here we gain a wonderful insight into the life of the Savior as He grew. He was perfectly balanced intellectually, physically, spiritually, and socially.

Certainly no one ever lived that was wiser than Jesus of Nazareth, for He is also Lord of the Universe. No one has understood the world and man as He did. No one has known the truth and doctrine and taught it so beautifully and profoundly than did Jesus, even as a young boy, so that “all that heard him were astonished at his understanding and answers.” (Luke 2:47). But we know that “he received not of the fullness at first, but continued from grace to grace.” (D&C 93:13). Though our progression on this stairway of graces leading to a fullness is much slower than that of Jesus’, we nevertheless are beckoned to follow the same pattern – to “continue from grace to grace” in knowledge and wisdom.

The scriptures tell us very little about the physical stature of the Lord but we know He was likely a carpenter, hard working and physically strong. From holy writ we do learn a great deal about His stature as a man, or His character. He withstood every temptation (Luke 4). He willingly forgave those who trespassed against Him personally (Luke 23:34). He focused on His mission and faced it with courage, for He “set [His] face like a flint” against His smiters and “hid not [His] face from shame and spitting.” (Isa. 50:6-7). Indeed, He partook of the most bitter of all cups in the most unselfish act in the history of time and all eternity (D&C 19). Will we relinquish our own will and face our own Gethsemane with similar stature?

The word of God leaves little doubt that Christ was loved and favored of the Father. Nephi records that God “loveth those who would have him to be their God.” (1 Ne. 17:40). Jesus often “withdrew himself into the wilderness” or into a mountain to pray and commune with His Father (Luke 5:16; 6:12). He did good on the Sabbath (Luke 6:9) and found himself as frequently as possible in the temple (Luke 19:47). He humbly acknowledged that “there is none good but one, that is God” (Matt. 19:17). In the constant service of His fellow being He was always in the service of His God. For His perfect love and unyielding devotion the Father spoke through the veil of Heaven, “Thou art my beloved Son, in thee I am well pleased.” (Luke 3:22). Just as surely as God spoke those words to His only begotten, He will whisper them to his faithful saints that love Him and keep His commandments.

Nowhere in all eternity is there one who compares to Jesus in love and compassion to his fellow man. His immeasurable mercy was not only seen in raising the dead, and giving sight to the blind, but also in touching the leper and teaching the Samaritan. Though He was thronged by the multitudes, He healed individuals. To the outcast man with a legion of devils – homeless, naked, and alone – He not only cast out the evil spirits, but asked, “What is thy name?” (Luke 8:30). He mingled and ate with publicans, sinners, and Samaritans and even with murmuring Pharisees. He wept for His friends (Jn. 11:35). Above all, He laid down His life that all might live. He suffered that He might succor. He faced a crowd of contempt calling for His crucifixion, but even still drops of blood were spilt for them too. Nevertheless, the crowd of the meek and humble recognize Him as their Messiah saying, “Hosanna, blessed is he that cometh in the name of the Lord…Hosanna in the highest.” (Mark 11:9-10). Can we not also be like Jesus – compassionate and meek in building relationships with our friends, family, and associates – and thus find favor with our fellowmen?

Elder Maxwell was wont to say, “The perfect adoration is emulation”, a profound invitation to follow the pattern of the Master. In our imperfection and weakness He truly is “the way, the truth, and the light” that leads to a balanced life!

I bear testimony of a kind Father of perfect love and understanding. He is a God of mercy and of miracles. I know that Jesus is the Christ. I love the priesthood of God and testify of its power in my life and the life of those I love. God grant that we may increase in wisdom and stature, and in favor with God and man, as we strive to live a balanced life!

Practical v. Doctrinal

2007-02-25T21:05:00.000-08:00

Some topics for talks in church are easy. Some are hard. Give me a doctrinal topic anyday. You have near limitless information available for sources, not to mention personal testimony and experience with the doctrine to be addressed. Give me a practical topic and see me ponder and stew with no sense of what to do! Certainly, practice is influenced by doctrine, but for some reason it's harder to talk about. There are often many different ways and many good ways to apply doctrine and achieve practical goals. It becomes very challenging to offer something that will be of benefit, rather than a 7-minute workshop talk that shares the same scriptures and quotes we always hear for a given practical discussion. Besides, I feel somewhat unqualified to address a practical topic that I have yet to figure out. The topic: How to find balance in our lives. The setting: Stake priesthood leadership meeting. Any ideas??

To jump into the fire!

2007-01-23T20:52:00.000-08:00

Today I experienced a great internal debate. Will I go to institute class ( for those unfamiliar - a church sponsored religious education course at the university level) or will I watch the State of the Union address? You see, political blood runs through my veins. I don't think my ultimate decision was a reflection of my priorities because I love the institute class, but the state of the union is only an annual event afterall! I was particularly interested in the speech tonight because it was the first time President Bush addressed a congress controlled by Democrats. The whole process is just so fascinating to me! The hype, the ritual, the procedure, the exchanges, the commentary, and of course the speech itself. I believe it is no secret that I am a proud Republican, so what I say I say with an obvious bias. However, I thought President Bush gave a compelling speech. We can probably all agree that "W" is not a great orator. He does not have the mastery of speech of say, Tony Blair or Bill Clinton (much as I cringe to admit it). Tonight though, President Bush showed the American people why we elected him to the highest office in the land two times. Certainly Bush has not been the greatest leader in the history of this country but for all the vilification and vitriol that is spewed out toward him, he is a strong, sincere, reasonable, and compassionate man. He was extremely gracious to House Speaker Nancy Pelosi - who by the way has not always been very gracious to him. He presented solutions and demonstrated resolve to tackle difficult issues facing the nation. He also laid out - I think in the most frank and articulate way yet - the absolute necessity to succeed in Iraq! In my opinion the Democratic response by rookie Senator Jim Webb (D-VA) was underlayed with more of the hate that has been common from some in that camp. You could see it in his eyes and the tension in his jaw. He called the President "wreckless". One can say a lot of things about how this whole situation in Iraq has played out, but that is a stinging and serious accusation. This comes from a man who during a White House reception refused to shake the President's hand or answer a question from the Commander in Chief about how the Senator's son was doing (currently serving in Iraq).

Anyway, my intention was not to offer political commentary on the speech in this blog so I will get to my point. The point is that I just love this stuff. I don't know why. No one in my family has been involved in politics. Sure, my parents and grandparents have always been voters but they've never been the type to follow things really closely. In fact, most everyone in my house sighs and rolls their eyes when I insist on watching speeches or they find me watching C-SPAN. How can one not be fascinated by it all? Just thinking about what it might be like to be in the House Chamber tonight got me excited. Contemplating the 2008 presidential playing field now coming into view is already intriguing me. I can't wait for the drama, the tension, the excitement, and the results!

I have always thought about being involved in politics by running for some office. Despite these occasional day dreams and my fascination with the political players and processes, a few things stand in my way. First and foremost is the near requirement to be arrogant and self-congratulatory to run. I'm not suggesting that I'm not that, but I don't want to be that and I hope I'm not ever that. All the manuevering, the shmoozing, the pretenses, and the ruthlessness really turns me off to real participation. I wonder if I would actually have the character to resist the extraordinary vortex of selfishness and pride that so easily grabs many of the powerful and the well-known. Secondly, I just do not have the personal confidence and elephant thick skin (don't elephants have thick skin??) that are essential to survival in the political jungle. I'm not sure I could even withstand the attacks and criticisms that come in local races. Maybe someday I will find the courage or the reason to jump into the fire, but for now I will be a fascinated and hopefully informed bystander!

Can you say Hallelujah!

2007-01-18T20:44:00.000-08:00

The final car payment has been made! The burden of debt, even though it wasn't extraordinary, has been lifted. What a great feeling that is! Not only will there be no debt, but I will be just a tad bit richer every month. Woohoo!

AHHH!

2006-12-05T20:43:00.000-08:00

I'm drowning in papers! Only two more weeks 'till break time. I can't wait!

2006-11-16T19:00:00.000-08:00

I miss these kids!

2083

2006-11-03T16:02:00.000-08:00

What if I lived until 2083? I met with a patient today who is 103-years-old! Can you believe that? He was born in 1903! You would never know by seeing this guy on the street. He is healthy, happy, and very sharp. As I sat and talked with this gentleman I was more and more amazed by his story. He is an African-American and has seen some extraordinary changes throughout his lifetime. This man has 38 children. That is right, THIRTY-EIGHT! He has outlived SEVEN wives (each at different times, no polygamy here). Each marriage ended when the wife passed away, except for one that ended in divorce. Two of his spouses died in his arms. He is still very active in the church and the community. All his neighbors and fellow church members know him by name. In fact, he has a list of all the members of the congregation and their birthdays and he gives them a personal telephone call to wish them well on that day - even the little kids. He reads and studies, gives speeches, and will soon star on a local news story. I was most amazed by this guy's happy optimism. There is not a root of bitterness, grumpiness, or anger in him - despite living through a century of societal and personal turmoil. I asked him his secret and he replied, "Love yourself to love others". For a fairly unremarkable day, I'm grateful to have met quite a remarkable man.

Time and all eternity

2006-10-13T16:18:00.000-07:00

There is just something about the sealing ceremony that is incredible. I love to be a witness to this sacred ordinance. The language is so profound, particularly when contrasted to the typical wedding ceremony outside of the temple. The promises are so amazing that I'm not sure I even comprehend all that they really mean. I think more than any ordinance or ceremony in the Church this inspires and motivates me the most! I've not yet had the privilege of kneeling at that altar and hearing those words directed toward me, but I will, and who knows it might be soon! I caught the garter at my younger brother's wedding yesterday!

Where two or more are gathered in my name...

2006-10-05T20:07:00.000-07:00

Do you all remember my substance abuse class? Well, I have been sober, 100% clean from soda pop, for about 3 weeks now! It actually has been kind of hard, especially when I am craving something sweet to drink and it's right there in the fridge tempting me. Tonight though, I had the opportunity to learn something about real addiction. Another requirement in the course is to attend two Alcoholics Anonymous meetings over the course of the semester, one an LDS version that is modified to be Christ centered and the other a traditional community meeting.

We met in a small room in a local church building. Two former addicts turned missionaries sat at the head of the circle and led the group. 5 ordinary individuals came into the room and sat down in a tight circle. One by one they bore their soles. A silver haired grandma fighting a drug addiction for over 30 years can't remember her kids growing up. She's ready to quit and find joy in her grandkids. A mother of 6 with an alcoholic husband in denial wonders what to do. A court ordered prescription drug abuser doesn't want to go to jail. A quiet young guy with a hat over his eyes doesn't want to lose his wife and 3 little girls who have simply had too much. Each told their story. "My name is....and I'm an alcoholic..." We laugh about that line sometimes but I'll tell you something, I was touched by the humility and courage of that admission. I dare say that a lot of us think we are above that kind of struggle...but we're not. I wondered if I was that willing to recognize my weakness before God and man, and admit that I am powerless without Him who can remove it. My self-righteousness gave me a stomach ache. These people may be alcoholics and addicts but they are first and foremost children of a kind God, and tonight He reached out and touched them...and me too.

Did you say LEGALIZE DRUGS???

2006-09-28T20:46:00.000-07:00

Who would have thunk? A professor and classroom full of students at one of the most conservative universities in the United States, and maybe the whole world, a school rated dead last in the annual list of party schools, advocating a major change in drug policy in America. The change - to decriminalize and legalize illicit drugs in this country! The one hour news story was compelling, the argument so logical. The discussion was baffling, the students so convincing. The feeling oh so wrong!

What am I doing?

2006-09-18T17:17:00.000-07:00

Do you ever just wonder what in the world you are doing? So far my internship at the Veteran's Affairs Hospital has gone really well. I am currently working in a program called Home Based Primary Care. It is a comprehensive program to help veterans who are unable to make it in to the hospital to receive services. That means that we as social workers go out to the home and do psychosocial assessments and other clinical interventions. It has been fun to talk with these old-timers and hear some of their stories. I like working with the elderly. It has been especially interesting to see some of the relationships between husband and wife. One old grandma was holding her husband's hand and would pat his face as he talked. They indicated that their relationship was their greatest strength. I've been so impressed by the devotion of some of these elderly ladies caring for their husbands. There is just something cool about a mature love that has been tested and proved through the ups and downs of life. It seems so much less superficial than young love can be. Another couple argued and degraded one another. It seems that pattern has been going on for 61 years! What a tragedy that they have seemingly never discovered the experience the other couple has.

Well, that was somewhat of a cheesy tangent I hadn't planned on. Today I went on a follow-up visit with one of our patients who recently lost his wife. It is so sad to talk to some of these guys and hear them tell me that they feel worthless and hopeless. I am learning more than ever before how difficult it must be to grow old and lose your health, memory, and loved ones. Anyway, this poor veteran who has served in WWII, Korea, and Vietnam was in my judgement extremely close to taking his own life. I tried to ask all the questions I've been trained to ask and do the right things, but I was thinking to myself, "what have I gotten myself into." In this profession you expect that these situations will come, but when they do the frightening responsibility weighs heavy. After consultation with my supervisor I feel better. I think we have done everything we can to protect his safety. Fortunately, later in the day I called him and he "contracted for safety" as we say in the profession. It is a heartbreaker I tell you - and one I hope I don't encounter very often.

An exercise in empathy

2006-09-05T21:47:00.000-07:00

Today was the first day of school. I am taking a class on substance abuse. In an effort to engender empathy in us students for those who have abused substances and are working to overcome their addictions, we have received an assignment to abstain from consuming a substance of our choice for the length of the semester. This substance has to be something that will be challenging for us personally to give up - something that will tempt us to "relapse". In the past students have usually given up things like soda, candy, sweets, ice cream, salt, caffeine, etc. I have been thinking about what I should give up. I really want it to be an insightful experience for me so I want to choose wisely. I am leaning toward soda. I don't drink a ton, but I do drink at least a little everyday because we always have it in the fridge. I definitely have a sweet tooth, especially after meals, and a little "pop" as we Utahns say, always fulfills that craving. If not soda my next choice would be sweets, but I'm afraid that would be too hard through the Holidays. What would you give up?

God bless America, and God bless home!

2006-08-21T21:42:00.000-07:00

Silent Thunder is back home and back in blogging. So many thoughts and so little time...more to come! But I must say that I love this country, and I love home! Great as it is to know new people and places, and have incredible experiences - even life-changing experiences - and hard as it is to leave sometimes...nothing beats coming home for me!

Final Papers

2006-04-11T23:48:00.000-07:00

The semester is coming to a close! Not without a number of final papers though. I thought I would post a section from my paper that I am just finishing for my "Multicultural Diversity" course. I've thought about this stuff a lot lately, so here it is:

To be honest I am still in the process of formulating my personal beliefs and opinions regarding cultural diversity. That may be a long-term and ongoing process. However, throughout the course of the semester I have been able to clarify some thoughts and solidify some beliefs that I find valuable. For example, I have often been perplexed by the instruction in the social sciences that we must not be “color-blind” nor “color-biased”. The principle here seems to be that we ought to recognize an individual’s race, ethnicity, etc. to provide some general understanding of where an individual comes from and what they’ve experienced; while at the same time abstaining from pre-judgments and biased notions. This tight rope of political correctness can at times feel very shaky, particularly for a white, Anglo-American, Judeo-Christian, male who seems to have the highest potential for unintentional political-wrongness.

As I have studied the scriptures I have understood an almost entirely different message than that espoused by the doctrine of the social sciences, which admittedly has resulted in some personal dissonance. For example, in 2nd Nephi we read, “…and he inviteth them all to come unto him and partake of his goodness; and he denieth none that come unto him, black and white, bond and free, male and female; and he remembereth the heathen; and all are alike unto God, both Jew and Gentile.” Furthermore, in 4th Nephi during the millennial-like era following Christ’s visit to the Americas we learn, “that there was no contention in the land, because of the love of God which did dwell in the hearts of the people…and surely there could not be a happier people among all the people who had been created by the hand of God. There were no robbers, nor murderers, neither were there Lamanites, nor any manner of -ites; but they were in one, the children of Christ.” In my mind the obvious truth derived from these scriptural passages is at odds with the philosophies of the world. That is, the scriptures seem to be teaching that we should focus more on what we share as children of God that unites us, rather than on what we do not share that “diversifies” us.

As I have reflected upon these principles during the semester I have come to some tentative conclusions, which are certainly open to debate and debunking. I do believe that it is important to understand and even appreciate another person’s life circumstances, which may include all of the categories we use when talking about “diversity”; gender, race, culture, sexual orientation, language, religion, and so on. We live in an imperfect world that has far too often been, and far too often still is, plagued by hate, oppression, prejudice, and misunderstanding. Under such conditions it is difficult to fully understand the whole person without understanding the effects of these evils on the society from which he or she comes. Furthermore, our experiences in our socioeconomic, political, cultural, historical, and religious environment give meaning to who we are and shape the things we do. Nonetheless, mitigating all of these points are two simple facts, namely: that we are all unique and distinct individuals even within defined groups, and that we all belong to the human family at-large.

Having said that I have come to realize that the social science view and the scriptural view are not necessarily diametrically opposed, but I do think that our emphasis in the world is in the wrong place. In my view what the scriptures and the social sciences are trying to mutually underline is the truth that the value of every individual is the same, no matter their skin color, language, or faith! However, as long as we keep focusing on whether we are this “ite” or that “ite” we will always remain separate “ites”. So long as we continue stressing what is diverse, we will always be segregated. Not until we focus on what we have in common as children of God will we be united as one human race. In my opinion the answer to ending the evils surrounding discrimination, hate, and prejudice is not shouting “diversity”, it is shouting “unity”. United under the banner of our alikeness we can then marvel at the wonderful tapestry made up of our uniqueness.

Yo voy a Guatemala

2006-04-04T20:11:00.000-07:00

Sometimes life has a way of throwing serious curveballs. Last Friday my internship, which had been in the works for about 6 months, fell through. Turns out they wouldn't be able to pay me. With only 3 weeks to find a placement and very few options available to me I called the coordinator at the school of social work to give her the bad news. She quickly confirmed that the prospects did not look good at all. As we said our goodbyes with little resolution to my dilemma, she asked if I spoke Spanish. You all know the answer and the call ended.

The question intrigued me. I was at work at the time and I just couldn't get it off my mind. In our next phone conversation I asked the coordinator if there was a placement where Spanish was required. I explained that I spoke Italian, that the languages were quite similar, that I had taken a Spanish class, and that I felt that I could pick it up rather easily. She explained that there is a local family here in Provo that opened an orphanage in Guatemala City, Guatemala several years ago who generally recruits interns from BYU for summer placements. Recently they decided to purchase land near Lake Atitlan (one possible location of the Waters of Mormon) in the highlands of Guatemala for an additional orphanage location. The whole process went much more quickly than they had anticipated and they were ready for an intern as soon as possible. They had just called BYU to ask if there were any interested students.

Thus, misfortune met opportunity and the official decision was made today. I had very little time to make this decision, but with significant contemplation, fasting, and prayer I feel comfortable to move forward despite my concerns. I am both excited and uneasy all at the same time! I will truly miss the summer in Utah, I was looking forward to good times with family (my brother comes home the 26th of April from his mission), 5K runs, Zion Nat'l Park, and a host of other summer activities I love. There seem to be more obstacles and concerns than there are reassurances - chief among them the fact that I don't speak fluent Spanish or really feel totally competent in what I am doing in social work - but I decided to not be governed by my fears. Whether or not this once-in-a-lifetime chance is an orchestration from Heaven or merely coincidence I will not attempt to guess, but I look forward to a wonderful opportunity to serve the children of Lehi! Pray for me!

An unbroken chain

2006-03-26T13:44:00.000-08:00

Good friend of Silent Thunder
ordained a Priest on March 26, 2006 by

Silent Thunder
ordained an Elder on September 26, 1999 by

Silent Thunder's father
ordained an Elder on August 5, 1972 by

Silent Thunder's grandfather
ordained a High Priest on April 20, 1966 by

Nicholas J. Teerlink
ordained a High Priest on August 27, 1939 by

Charles A. Callis
ordained an Apostle on October 12, 1933 by

Heber J. Grant
ordained an Apostle on October 16, 1882 by

George Q. Cannon
ordained an Apostle on August 26, 1860 by

Brigham Young
ordained an Apostle on February 14, 1835 by

The three witnesses to the Book of Mormon - Oliver Cowdery, Martin Harris, and David Whitmer, who were appointed to call
and set apart the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles according to revelation - on February 14, 1835 under the hands of

Joseph Smith Jr., Sidney Rigdon, and Frederick G. Williams of the First Presidency.
Joseph Smith was ordained an Apostle in June of 1829 by

Peter, James, and John who were ordained Apostles in the meridian of time by

The Lord Jesus Christ.

Now that is pretty sweet, if you think about it!

A Model to Follow - Bruce R. McConkie

2006-03-12T20:09:00.000-08:00

For those who have the time and patience to read yet another long entry. Don't feel bad if you don't, I had fun writing it.

I have always been fascinated by people. I have always been fascinated by history. When the two are combined my fascination doubles. I have discovered that biographies can be a treasure trove of insight into both people and history. A couple of years ago I read a biography of one of the most well-known and oft-quoted members of the Church in this dispensation - Bruce R. McConkie. Because the biography is written by his son, who is a respected gospel scholar in his own right, the information is all the more intimate and unique. I immediately came to admire a man who has no ties to me whatever and who was gone before I was even 5 years old. I don't know if it's appropriate to have "favorite" leaders, but I admit that I do, and if I were to make a list he would be right up there at the top along with the likes of Neal A. Maxwell, Lorenzo Snow, and Spencer W. Kimball. Here's a look at his life.

Bruce R. McConkie was born in 1915 into a faithful family with a strong pioneer heritage. His father, a lawyer by the name of Oscar, was a man with great spiritual gifts. Once when Bruce was just 5 years old Oscar was very sick with the flu. Oscar knew the faith of children and requested that Bruce kneel down beside his bed and pray. Bruce offered what I imagine was a simple prayer requesting that his father be healed. Immediately he began to recover. Once when giving Bruce's mother Vivian a blessing, Oscar offered a prophecy, "God chose her to bring forth prophets...those who if they are true, will shape the opinions of many, even nations...and in mortality, they will walk and talk with God."

Bruce grew up in Monticello, UT. and Salt Lake where he had an ordinary childhood. Always an excellent student, he excelled at journalism and debate in High School, but wasn't particularly skilled musically or athletically. He graduated from LDS High School at the age of 15 and spent 3 years at the University of Utah before going on a mission to the Eastern States. When he was 17 years old he met his future wife, Amelia Smith, daughter of then Elder Joseph Fielding Smith of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles. He loved her with his whole soul and felt that she was "foreordained" to be his companion.

Before leaving on his mission to the East he received a father's blessing that warned him of Satan's desire to "overthrow" him because of his foreordination. He was blessed with gifts of healing, revelations, understanding, and teaching along with these words: "Through your faithfulness you will become a chosen vessel, exalted among your brethren in the holy order of the priesthood of our God." He served a successful mission. At one point he prophesied that an elder and sister in the mission would get married. You will not be surprised to hear that they did! Aside from his goals to bring souls to Christ as a missionary he had two personal goals that were clearly accomplished through the course of his life, namely: "to acquire speaking genius" and "to obtain the wisdom of the scriptures and live in harmony with them."

Upon returning from his mission he married Amelia, whose patriarchal blessing promised that she would "raise her voice in testimony in many lands throughout the world." The subject of Celestial Marriage later became his favorite topic to speak on. Not long after their marriage they had their first son, Bruce Jr., who died as an infant. Other children joined their family and they made their home on the outskirts (in those days) of Salt Lake, near Granite High School. Bruce became an attorney like his father, but he worked for the Deseret News as a journalist until his call to full-time church service.

Bruce was called to the 1st Quorum of Seventy at the age of 31 - the youngest man ever called to that position. Although he was young, the call came as no surprise to those who knew him, many had indicated that he would be so called at some point. Some have characterized Bro. McConkie as austere, aloof, and stiff, but according to his family he was a tender, sweet man who worked hard to reach people. He was a calm man with a unique sense of humor, frequently writing fun poems and cards. He was a man without pretention, often wearing worn out socks, old ties, and sporting bad haircuts - but he was bold. He didn't mix words and was very non-autobiographical, choosing instead to address doctrine strictly. The truth of this statement seems to be true of him, "Doctrinal teachers will be quoted a hundred years after their death while the popular speakers who people find so entertaining will be long forgotten."

In 1958 Elder McConkie wrote his most well-known and widely circulated work - Mormon Doctrine. Some in the church criticize this book and float around many rumors as to its evolution and content. The truth is, he was chastised by the brethren for not receiving input or consent and for the tone of some portions of the book. Nevertheless, he received the counsel humbly, and under a mentor, Spencer W. Kimball, slightly revised the tone and removed parts unrelated to Mormon Doctrine in particular. Other rumors surrounding the book are simply untrue.

Indeed Elder McConkie had an incredible gift to understand and teach doctrine, and it is no wonder. He studied the scriptures every night with his wife Amelia. It is said that he RARELY watched TV or listened to the radio, instead choosing to pay the price of study. From his college days he enjoyed walking to school and continued to walk to work when he worked at the Church Offices. While walking he would often assign himself a topic and then create a spontaneous discourse and see how well he did. He followed the same pattern as he traveled to various meetings around the world. He spent a great deal of time correcting false doctrines in the church and was often criticized for it. He got so much angry mail from members and non-members alike that he put a box in his office for a collection. His extraodinary gospel knowledge was invaluable later when he, along with Elders Packer and Monson and a committee of other leaders/scholars, worked to publish the current version of the Standard Works; including chapter headings, Joseph Smith translation, and cross references - to which he contributed very heavily. President Packer would later say of him, "If ever there was a man raised up unto a very purpose, if ever a man was prepared against a certain need - it was Bruce R. McConkie."

Elder McConkie was called to the apostleship in October of 1972 following the death of his father-in-law Joseph Fielding Smith. Several members of his family had had premonitions of the coming call, particularly in the previous April conference when he read his beloved poem turned hymn, "I Believe in Christ". Elder McConkie became aware the call would be coming 2 months before it came. While on the stand at a conference in Mexico the authority conducting read the names of the living Apostles for a sustaining vote. At this time there was a vacancy in the Quorum, leaving only 11 names to be read. Elder McConkie however, heard his name called as the 12th apostle. His call was much like that of Heber J. Grant's. Elder McConkie was not President Lee's first choice for the vacancy, but like Pres. Grant his call came from the Lord in large measure due to the faith of his forbears and a council in heaven. In fact, Elder McConkie felt strongly that the prophet Joseph and other progenitors had a great deal to do with the calling of apostles and prophets.

Perhaps like me you have heard it noted that Elder McConkie once said that "blacks would never receive the priesthood." This is usually in an effort to discredit other statements he made. Whether he felt that way at one time or another, I don't know. What is certain is that President Kimball asked Elder McConkie to make a written submission of his position on the issue during the intense period of "studying it out" that preceded the revelation in 1978. Elder McConkie outlined his view in favor of extending the blessings of the priesthood and the temple to all worthy members of the church. He later bore witness to the powerful outpouring of the Spirit experienced in the temple when the revelation was received and said, "I think the Lord waited to give this new direction to his earthly kingdom until his church was big enough and strong enough to absorb those of all races and cultures, without being overwhelmed by the world."

This man had a burning desire to live to see visions, entertain angels, work miracles, receive revelation, and enjoy all gifts of the Spirit - and he did. He taught the Saints to do the same and he gave a simple formula: "keep the law, search the scriptures, ask in faith." Once he prophesied to his son, who had never received better than a C+ in an English class, that he would yet write books. On another occasion a woman touched the hem of his jacket with the faith to be healed of her ailment and it was done. Yet again, while sick with cancer, he blessed a paralyzed mother in the hospital who now walks. During the funeral services for President Joseph Fielding Smith the veil was opened to his view while he was speaking and he saw his father-in-law in the midst of his father Joseph F. Smith and others. At another conference, while singing a hymn, the veil was taken from his eyes and he saw his brother - a gifted musician who had passed away before seeing the promise that he would make great contributions to music in the kingdom - leading a heavenly choir in a conference in the Spirit World. These are just a few examples.

In January of 1984 Elder McConkie was diagnosed with liver cancer. Through a series of medical miracles - the result of much fasting and prayer - the cancer was stayed for over a year. He fought the illness with great courage and continued his ministry - even extending a call to a Stake President once while lying on the floor of the office. In the midst of his pain he taught, "suffering sanctifies...we will all be tried and tested to the full extent of our power to withstand." Despite the efforts of people on both sides of the veil to save him, the cancer began to take its toll. Just before April Conference 1985 his sons gave him a blessing stating that he would "bear every testimony, teach every doctrine, and write every word that he had been foreordained in the councils of heaven to accomplish." The blessing was later sealed by the 1st Presidency and Quorum of the Twelve.

Elder McConkie fought to endure to conference to give one last address. His family fasted and prayed that he would have the physical and emotional strength to say the things that he desired to speak to the people. Each time that he tried to go over his remarks he broke down and couldn't get through his testimony. His parting words from that conference are powerful and their culmination will forever live as one of the most memorable testimonies ever given in this dispensation.

"I am one of His witnesses, and in a coming day I shall feel the nail marks in His hands and in His feet and shall wet His feet with my tears. But I shall not know any better then than I know now that He is God's Almighty Son, that He is our Savior and Redeemer, and that salvation comes in and through his atoning blood and in no other way."

Elder McConkie passed through the veil on April 19, 1985 surrounded by family in the midst of prayer. Surely the comforting words he spoke years previous to all the Saints are applicable to him, "All faithful Saints, all who have endured to the end, depart this life with an absolute guarantee of eternal life."

May Bruce R. McConkie be a model for us all!

(Most of the information comes from "The Bruce R. McConkie Story" written by his son, Joseph Fielding McConkie).

My many valentines - sort of.

2006-02-14T16:16:00.000-08:00

Valentine's Day 2006 is now slowly coming to a close and I have been thinking. I don't have a Valentine at the moment - romantic love seems to be evading me for the time being, but I do have lots a wonderful women in my life who I love. Today I have been thinking a bit about them.

Grandma is now over 80 years old. The thought that her life is in the sunset years is sad. She is a simple woman of quiet modesty. She grew up in the depths of the depression, raised 13 children in relative poverty, and has pressed forward as a widow for over 20 years. I remember well being a nerdy little boy who liked to talk about books. Grandma listened, and told me about her books too. I've never heard her say an unkind or judgmental remark about anyone. I've never heard her complain about her pain. I've laughed with her when she hit the pinata at the family reunion last summer and I've been choked up when she talks about her love for her family. She is quick to laugh with that silent chuckle that brings a smile to everyone's face. The apostle Peter in addressing the women of the church said, "whose adorning let it not be that outward adorning of plaiting the hair, and of wearing of gold, or of putting on of apparel; But let it be the hidden man of the heart, in that which is not corruptible, even the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of great price." Such a woman is Grandma. Those who know me well know that I have well-defined personal space boundaries. I'm not one to hug and kiss with your average friend on the street, but I kiss Grandma. I love her.

Mom is so strong, even though she doesn't see it. Mom has survived difficult family experiences and has risen above the cycles of anger and hostility shown to her to raise a good and happy family. She loves God and carries a simple faith. Her sensitive heart has taught me to be compassionate. Her generous nature has taught me the value of service. Who else in the world not only goes to her piano students' houses to teach them, but teaches them for FREE?! Mom puts her family first and is like a mother lion when anyone has tried to harm or criticize her children. She has faith in me and lets me know it, even when I struggle to have faith in myself. Like today, when she sent me a Valentine with a message of love and support. I always looked forward to Mom's letters every week during the mission. All mail was good, but there was something about letters from Mom. Her instruction and example has instilled within me a value for faith, diligence, love, music, cleanliness, and sociality to name a few. I wonder who I would be without her influence. I lover her.

Sister is amazing. I grew up thinking she was either a huge brat or the coolest person in the world, depending on the day. I always looked up to her and tried to follow her example. It was her example that prompted me to pray each night before bed. I was (am) more reserved and quiet than her, she was crazy and outgoing. Perhaps sensing this, she always helped me to make friends and feel comfortable. I have watched in amazement really, as she has developed from a ditzy and moody teenager into a wonderful wife and mother. I have seen how those sacred roles have changed her and made her so mature and beautiful. It is a remarkable thing to see how selfless and devoted she is to her husband and three boys. I have learned so much about the meaning and wonder of womanhood from watching her. I lover her.

My friends that are women are incredible. There are too many to identify each one, but they are all beautiful and dignified women, each with unique talents and gifts that I admire. They stand as valiant daughters of God who live passionately and righteously in a difficult world for women to live in. They honor and value the priesthood, they work to achieve their goals, and all the while they understand their divine nature. These friends help me see the bright side of life and induce laughter at every opportunity. Like many women today they struggle with the messages that bombard them and the challenges that confront them, but they demonstrate their faith by the graceful way in wich they consistently follow Truth. The light in their countenances and the joy in their eyes witness of God's love for them. They accept me despite my awkwardness and instill confidence in my own sense of being a man. They inspire me to be a better man, and to be worthy of a righteous woman, such as them. I love them.

"Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies...Strength and honor are her clothing; and she shall rejoice in time to come...Many daughters have done virtuously, but thou excellest them all. Favour is deceitful, and beauty is vain: but a woman that feareth the Lord, she shall be praised." (Proverbs 31)

So today, I praise each of you. Thank you! Never underestimate the power and influence of a righteous woman.

Lost in Lost

2006-01-24T13:55:00.000-08:00

The other day my roommate came home with the first season of the TV show "Lost" on DVD. I hadn't really heard too much about this show, but I sat down and watched the first episode with him. Next thing you know it was past midnight and we were finishing up the last episode on the disc. I do believe I am hooked. It's a good show with interesting characters, a fun story line full of twists and turns, clean (at least so far), and darnit they really leave you hanging at the end of every episode. You pretty much have to see the next one, and thus the trap is created. I don't watch too much TV these days, but here is a show that seems worth watching.

Merry Christmas

2005-12-22T00:23:00.000-08:00

It is now about 1:25 am MST. Yet another graveyard. The time is passing rather slowly, mostly because I don't have the normal homework to keep me busy in between my rounds every couple of hours. Tonight I have been mixing a little reading with some movie-watching. In the midst of my reading I came across an encouraging quote by C.S. Lewis.

"No amount of falls will really undo us if we keep on picking ourselves up each time. We shall of course be very muddy and tattered children by the time we reach home. But the bathrooms are all ready, the towels put out, the clean clothes in the airing cupboard. The only fatal thing is to lose one's temper and give it up. It is when we notice the dirt that God is most present in us: it is the very sign of His presence."

This quote reminded me of another statement, which is part of an incredible talk, made by Elder Bruce C. Hafen of the Quorum of the Seventy.

"So if you have problems in your life, don't assume there is something wrong with you. Struggling with those problems is at the very core of life's purpose. As we draw close to God, He will show us our weaknesses and through them make us wiser, stronger. If you're seeing more of your weaknesses, that just might mean you're moving nearer to God, not farther away."

Generally I am a bit discouraged as I see - and begrudgingly acknowledge - my innumerableable weaknesses. I get pretty stressed out over the slightest amount of dirt. My uncle used to say that I could play in a pool of mud and come out clean. While I certainly don't want to be playing in any figurative mud pools, I can be encouraged by my muddy tatteredness at times. Discovering another spot of dirt or a deeper stain can be viewed as an invitation to climb higher. There's no way I can keep "picking [myself] up each time", except that warm towels and clean clothes await.

Merry Christmas to everyone in the blogosphere!

Graveyards

2005-12-08T05:59:00.000-08:00

14 hours. 840 minutes. 48,400 seconds.

Boredom. Freezing.

Eyes are heavy. Hair is greasy. Body is tired.

Have to drive to Provo to learn about Isaiah.

Nice, warm bed!

Care for a swim? Beware of drowning!

2005-12-01T17:07:00.000-08:00

Recently I have been tempted to go for a swim. Nothing wrong with a little swim, right? Except that the pool that is pulling me is called self-pity. There are no benefits from exercise in this body of water, only drowning. So, I am trying to count my blessings and open my eyes to the tender mercies of God. Sometimes I forget to appreciate the little things that are seemingly insignificant. Consider for example a clear crisp winter day after the inversion has lifted. How about a new haircut and being able to feel the cold air on your big 'ole head! My personal favorite are the moments that you briefly glimpse that you are in the right place - and that it's a good place. The other night while walking over to campus at a very late hour to finish an assignment I had procrastinated for far too long, I had such a moment. The night was dark and the ground was wet from the rain and snow. Few people were on campus and all was very still compared to the rush of activity that is such a part of this place during the day. The clouds were parting after the storm and the stars could be seen above the snow covered mountains that surround this little "Happy Valley". As I walked toward the library, hands in my pockets and eyes toward heaven, I felt something. I felt that subtle and gentle feeling that I have come to recognize as the Spirit of God. I sensed that the feeling is always present in this place, but it took the quiet wintry night to allow it to touch me. In that moment I knew that I was in the right place - and that it is a good place to be!

The Village

2005-11-18T08:39:00.000-08:00

Wow. I just noticed that I haven't posted in well over a month. I guess the demands of school have kept me busy. Things are beginning to wind down a bit now, which is very nice.

The other night my roommate bought like 10 movies from Walmart because apparently they were cheap. One of the films was a movie I had never even heard of called "The Village". My roommate told me that I had to see it. I am not one for the scary movies, I'm too darn jumpy for them, but last night he wanted to put it on and so I decided, "what the heck!"

For the sake of those who have not seen it I won't give away the plot. It is an "okay" movie, a bit far fetched, but I'm not too picky. I was mostly impressed with the symbolism and underlying message. In life it seems that we often experience things that at worst hurt us deeply and at best make us rather vulnerable. Inherently we have extraordinary mechanisms to protect ourselves. There are a number of them really: denial, compulsive behavior, pride, conceit, isolation, dishonesty, etc. It's all rather Freudian, but there is truth to it. I have come to realize that for many of us our primary mechanism of choice, though I don't think deliberately, is fear. At its foundation fear is really just self-protection. We desire to be safe, secure, and at peace, so we construct intricate borders of fear to keep us out of harm's way. We are convinced of dire consequences if the borders are breached. Occasionally we may take courage and "call on" our fear, venturing a foot or two beyond the boundary, only to be jolted back to our place of refuge. Yet another proof that the fear is ligitimate and we are better off inside the fence.

Life has a way of teaching us. We have additional experiences that allow us to see how much the borders of fear are not helping us, they are hurting us. In our attempt to make ourself strong we have only made ourself weak. In our desire for freedom from pain we have only found slavery. If we are honest with ourself we begin to see that fear is counterproductive and above all - NOT REAL! It is our perception that has made us so afraid, not reality. Do I mean to say that the intense feelings of anxiety or dread really don't exist? No, of course not, the feelings are real but the fear itself is of our own creation. If we are always running from it, hiding from it, cowaring from it, we will never know what the truth is. So, I assume that we must face it. I am learning that courage is not an absence of fear. No, courage is acting despite fear. So, we step outside the boundaries of safety and all the forces of our perceived universe it seems, push to legitimize the fear and send us running - but we can't! We simply put one foot in front of the other, we force ourself if we must, until we have overcome. The intensity of feeling and experience will surely be almost more than we can bear, but before long reality is on the horizon and we discover that it is not so bad after all. Sometimes baby steps are required.

The river of life

2005-10-06T14:02:00.000-07:00

There are bumps-in-the-road challenges and then there are enduring challenges. Throughout life factors combine to form the people we are and the people we will become. Our perception guides our feelings and then our behavior. Strengths develop and so do weaknesses. It seems that we generally wear our strengths on our shirt sleaves. Most of the time we are not too afraid, or too reluctant to show the part of us that is healthy, vibrant, and strong. On the other hand, we tend to hide our weaknesses. We privately tuck them away, often appropriately so, to protect ourselves and those around us.

Life carries us along like a rushing river. Sometimes we recognize that we are simply too weak to swim in rough and deep water. The current is overwhelming and we will drown...unless we fight! We swim hard even though the current is pulling us down. We draw on our strengths to stay afloat. We accept the fact that the current never weakens and neither can we. We pray for a life preserver but it doesn't come. We realize that our strength alone will not be enough, our weakness is weighing us down. Perhaps it is not so much our weakness that weighs us down as it is our fear that induced the weakness. Fear creates drag like a heavy anchor. When we face it, panic and pain try to drown us in the torrential stream. We gasp for air, we struggle to stay afloat, and time slows to a virtual standstill. Finally...we emerge. The fighting has made us stronger and the fear is gone.

Change

2005-09-01T16:06:00.000-07:00

In the past week I have undergone some very significant changes in my life. New home, new school, new work, new ward, new city, new people to name a few. In truth it is all kinda scary! There has been more than one time in the last few days that I have asked myself, "what am I doing"? Scrubbing the black tub (yeah, it should be white) and nasty toilet with bleach, looking at my bank statement, looking for a job, and sitting in a 3 hour class were some of those moments. I've never been a huge fan of sweeping change. I like comfort zones and status quo. Perhaps that is why this is all necessary for me - to shake me up and help me grow. Like many times before the first few weeks of anxiety and discomfort will pass and the experience will open up to all that I hope it will be.

ATTN: Mr. Devil

2005-08-15T20:41:00.000-07:00

One of my favorite stories of President Grant, 7th President of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, recounts a small exchange he had with temptation. One day he went to his meat cellar to pick a ham that was to be donated to his ward for some type of function. It was Pres. Grant's policy to always give the best to the Lord. As he began to look over the hams to determine which he might give, he had the thought (surely initiated by "Old Nick" as he called him), that he could give the smallest and poorest ham. Afterall, this was a donation and no one would really know, or for that matter care. Just as the thought crossed his mind, he immediately recognized it for what it was and said aloud, as if there was someone there with him, "Shutup Mr. Devil or I'll give 'em two hams!"

I would not be so stupid or presumptuous as to call the devil on. Heaven knows I don't need more influence from the "dark side". But, I'm feeling a bit like President Grant in wanting to tell Mr. Devil to shutup! So, Mr. Devil I put you on notice. Let it be known you ugly, miserable, piece of crap that I hate you! You are a sly one, that's for sure, and you might get me here and there but I am not coming to your side. Your cunning trickery can be clever and at times tempting, and you may even be smarter than me, but you've been exposed by One smarter than you. You can trip me up and prompt me to fall all you want, you cursed beast, but I will continue to get up every time and turn to my Master. I chose Him once and I will choose Him again, and again. I know your plan, you want me to believe that I am a piece of crap like you, and that you don't really exist, but I know better. Just know Mr. Devil that when you bring on the darkness I will go to The Light. When I am deceived, I will try to find sight. When I am bruised, I will seek healing succor. You, my enemy, are not invited to be a part of my life. So, get lost and shutup, you pathetic, evil, loser or I will double my efforts to do good. That's all I have to say to you.

A tip of the hat

2005-08-08T20:47:00.000-07:00

This past weekend was great! I had a chance to reflect a bit on the good things about life. It was a busy couple of days, but they were spent in the company of friends. I've had other weekends like it in the past month or so. Some of the friends I haven't spent a lot of time with in way too long, others have been closer lately, all are true friends. The company and laughter of friends is like a Sunday nap - it just feels good (Church at noon does not provide for Sunday naps by the way). Whether it's time spent at a movie, or a concert, or hiking, or talking, or making dinner - it doesn't really matter because I'm with people who have touched my life for good. I am certain that God has had a generous hand in placing great people in my life. I am therefore grateful to God and to my friends for their presence. Most would agree that I am generally a man of few words. What I do say, I try to make count. Perhaps I make up for what I don't say in what I feel. Have you every felt like you couldn't really express how you feel because it would make people feel awkward or uncomfortable? Sometimes that's how I feel toward my friends. There have been times when I have attempted...hopefully it has been enough. People come and people go, things change. I trust that someday I will be able to again meet all those who have touched my life in a place and setting where spirit can communicate to spirit perfectly. Then they will see and know, as I see and know, how they have acted as the hands of God when they were friends to me. So, a tip of the hat to a kind Father and to good friends!

Countenance

2005-08-02T16:45:00.000-07:00

It has been a while since I last posted and since I don't have anything profound, funny, or secretive to say, I think I will share something that was really exciting for me. Some of you may know that I got tickets at the last minute to President Hinckley's birthday celebration. The tickets came from my sister, who is married to my brother-in-law, who has connections with President Monson. We carpooled to the Conference Center together with my brother-in-law's family. As we got close I heard his mom say something about meeting President Monson. Next thing I knew we were driving down into the garage under the Main Street Plaza - right past security! We parked in front of a beautiful lobby that opens up into the parking garage. This lobby, I discovered, is connected to the Church Administration Bldg. As we walked up to the lobby I recognized President Monson and his wife Francis waiting to greet us. He shook each of our hands and greeted us warmly. We started to load up onto the general authority golf carts that would take us up to the Conference Center, but we soon discovered that there wasn't enough room for everyone. My brother-in-law, sister, and I volunteered to stay back for the next carts. Pres. Monson instructed us to "just tell them you are my guests".

Off went the cart and we stood waiting. Soon the lobby doors opened and people started to come out. First I noticed Bishop H. David Burton and his counselors and their wives, then Elder Oaks, Elder Bednar, Sister Parkin, Sister Menlove, Elder Christopherson, President Faust, and others. This was what I had always dreamed of happening when I would go early to the Salt Lake Temple on Thursday mornings all through High School (knowing that the brethren meet every Thursday on the 4th floor and take the hallway through the baptistry). I couldn't believe my eyes! More carts began to arrive, but who are we to go on a cart before President Faust! Needless to say we stood back quietly to let the authorities go ahead. Elder and Sister Oaks got on a cart and began waving us over saying, "come on, climb on." Who was I to argue? There was very little room, so there I was scrunched up to Sister Oaks and only about a foot away from Elder Oaks' shiny head! I had actually met Elder and Sister Oaks on my mission (another story that is very cool). So, when they asked where I had served my mission I was excited to tell them. Elder Oaks was very nice and said, "no wonder you look familiar." They have a son and a son-in-law that served in Italy so it was fun to talk about how the work is moving forward there.

When we got close to the Center Sister Oaks turned to Elder Oaks and asked, "Do you have the tickets?" To which he replied, "No, I don't, and I'm not sure what they do to people who have forgotten their tickets." I thought to myself that somehow it would probably be alright! Anyway, it was really neat to be so close to these good people and to talk with them a bit. That will probably be as close as I ever come to so many prophets, seers, and revelators.

What made the largest impression on me however, and what I wanted to comment on the most, was seeing Elder Bednar. He walked out and went to his car and then returned to the line to wait there with his wife. I think he caught me looking at him. I didn't mean to be gawking or anything, but I was amazed at his countenace. There was a light about him, a glow, that I have rarely seen before. It was impressed upon me then, more than ever before, what it means to have His image in your countenance.

Junk Happens

2005-07-18T17:06:00.000-07:00

Saturday afternoon, just an hour before my scheduled blind date, I was sitting at the computer working on some stuff for the upcoming school year when I heard the skid of tires and a crash. This is not too uncommon, as I live close to two fairly major roadways, so I didn't think much of it. Then my brother came in the house and had that look. You know the look, his face and body language suggested that something was not right. He was livid.

My mom asked, "what's wrong?"

To which he replied, "I just crashed!"

I of course jumped up from the computer and started to make my way outside with the rest of my family. My brother began to recount what had happened. In short, he was pulling away from the curb and was hit by an old lady in an SUV, who was far too old and far too blind to be speeding around the corner. She was going so fast that when she slammed on the breaks and gas at the same time (yeah, that was dumb too), she slid into my car, which was innocently parked in front of the house. My poor car, and worse, my poor brother! He felt awful and apologized profusely, even sending me a text message while I was on my date. It is horrible to get in an accident - the initial shock, the embarassment, the police, the tickets, the onlookers, the damage, the insurance, the bills, not to mention the potential for injury. I feel more bad about him being in the accident than I do about my car. Life's too short to get bent out of shape about a car that's bent out of shape. I'm just grateful that it wasn't any worse than it was. So, when ya'll see my crumpled hood and broken headlight - that's the story!

To see clearly

2005-07-14T22:06:00.000-07:00

There was once a little boy. The boy was a little bit different than the other kids on the block and they didn't always understand him, but he was a good kid with a good heart. He always did the best he could, though sometimes it was perceived wrong. One day there was a fight between the boy and his friend - it was a stupid fight, but at the time it was everything. The boy was partly in the wrong, even though he didn't mean to be - he couldn't see the whole picture. There was no way for him to understand the hidden pain felt by the friend. The boy wasn't at the top of the popularity pole of the neighborhood at the time and so the kids on the block rallied to the friend to defend at all costs. The boy was left alone to the viciousness that sometimes comes out in kids. They teased him, they roughed him up, they poked at him in ways that were intentional, and on one occasion they even threw things at him while they laughed and taunted. These were really good kids who were partly right in their claim, and justified to defend their friend. Afterall, they had been hurt too - but they didn't see the whole picture either. They didn't really mean to hurt anybody. They never did see the secret sobs of a little boy caused by kids who he needed to be his friends.

I've thought about this scenerio from time to time and I realize that the playground can be pretty rough for everyone. I won't say what side I was on in this situation, but it kills me to think that it didn't have to be that way. If only I could have seen more clearly when I was so convinced that I knew what was going on and that I was right.

Laughter

2005-06-30T16:40:00.000-07:00

Recently I was explaining to someone a very serious dilemma I was experiencing and the anxiety and frustration that accompanied it. I shared all the details, which were far from trivial or superficial. My friend paused for a moment and responded, "Silent Thunder, have you ever tried laughing at it?" I replied, "NO, it isn't funny!" My good friend then taught me a great lesson. There are people and circumstances in life that want us to fear. Though dilemmas and feelings may be anything but humorous, laughter is a weapon that disarms the enemy. Besides, laughing feels so good! I have always laughed at little problems, but I've never felt like or tried laughing at the monster ones that are super serious. Why not give it a try?! Afterall, we all know I could stand to be a tad bit, okay a huge bit, less serious.

Happy Birthday

2005-06-22T17:11:00.000-07:00

Happy birthday to President Gordon B. Hinckley! He was born 95 years ago today. I was reminded of how much I love Pres. Hinckley when he was interviewed by all of the local media a couple of days ago in anticipation of his birthday celebration. What a great example he is to all of us of faith and optimism. I couldn't believe - well, actually I could believe but thought it was amazing - that in a couple of months he will be taking a worldwide trip to visit Alaska, Asia, Africa, and Europe! While in Europe he will make a stop in Rome, which I am particularly excited about. The love we all feel for Pres. Hinckley was evident to me from an experience I had on Saturday. Tickets for his birthday celebration, to be held July 22 in the Conference Center, went online last Saturday at 10:00. I figured they would go fast so I logged on at 10:55, and guess what?? They were already completely gone! That is 21,000 tickets gone in less than an hour. Well, he truly is a prophet of God and I am grateful to be one of his "associates" as he so often refers to us. Indeed, "we thank thee, O God, for a prophet"!

Crossing the Bar

2005-06-20T18:36:00.000-07:00

It has been far too long since I have posted! Today was somewhat of a somber day. The father of one of my good friends from high school passed away on Thursday due to renal cancer at the age of 58. Today his funeral services were held and he was laid to rest. As I talked to my friend, who was there when his father finally slipped through the veil, he expressed mixed emotions. The cancer had been taking its ugly toll for the past 2 years, the past 6 months allowing no normal function or mobility. With death came the end of considerable pain and suffering, but also the life and personality of a husband, father, and friend.

As I sat through the service today, which was presided over by Elder Richard G. Scott of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles, I contemplated this phenomenon we call death. To be honest I am fascinated by it all; not in a weird, morbid, psycho way, just in the process and what it all means. I looked over at my friends little baby girl who arrived just under two months ago and thought about what it must be like to come into the world and what it must be like to leave it. I was grateful for the knowledge we have through the gospel that life continues beyond death and that the resurrection is a reality! In some ways I view death with anticipation - I mean who can wait till there's no more temptation, pain, sickness, etc? Who can wait to meet those who have gone before and be reunited with those we've lost? In other ways I fear separation from my family and loved ones, and being taken before I am prepared.

That thought led me into contemplating the question. Am I prepared? Well, I will spare you the internal dialogue, but I think it is a good question to ask every once in awhile. I was touched as Elder Scott spoke to the family of this very good man. He promised them that their husband and father would be near to give guidance, support, and comfort when it was needed. He taught that he is closer and more aware than we would tend to recognize. I think about times, sacred times, when I have felt that closeness to those I love who are on the other side. I know that what Elder Scott taught is true! As a missionary I taught that "death is an essential part of the plan of happiness", and so it is. I hope when the time comes for me, preferably in my sleep when I am like 90 something, I will be as prepared as the man we honored today.

Memorial Day

2005-05-31T18:38:00.000-07:00

On Saturday I took the morning to go for a bike ride along the Jordan Parkway trail. I have gone running along the corridor that stretches from 35th South to 41st South on a few different occasions, but being on a bike I decided to continue south until I was too tired, or until I got a flat tire. It was a beautiful sunny day with very few people on the trail. Just past 45th South along the trail is a lonely monument erected by the city of Taylorsville called the "Freedom Shrine". Being unable to resist the pull of history, or miss a monument, I pedaled over to take a look at the cement wall plastered with replicas of historical documents on golden plaques. In the center of the wall was the Consititution of the United States and the Decleration of Independence. Surrounding those sacred founding documents were various reminders of events in our nation's history that define who we are. There was the Gettysburg address, JFK's inaguaral address, the 14th amendment, the treaty of Paris, and the letter containing the famous response to the German call to surrender at Bastogne - "Nuts". It was fairly clear that the memorial is not the most popular attraction on the trail, grass and weeds grow up through the bricks that lay neatly in the earth to form a small plaza from which to view the monument, but it was all the better for me. For a time I was lost in the story of America. I felt a sense of gratitude to God and to all those who have paid the price of freedom for me. I wonder what I did to deserve the extraordinary blessing of being born in the land of the free and the home of the brave?
Yesterday, I awoke early to the loud claps of thunder that shook my house. I looked out my bedroom window to see the sheets of rain that poured down on our already saturated lawn. For a moment I thought this just might be the first time in a long time that we would not perform our annual Memorial Day ritual, but I underestimated the determination of my mother. It has become a family tradition come rain or shine. We cut the roses and the irises from the backyard and load the trunk of the car up with crysanthimums to overflowing. We visit 4 cemetaries and literally close to a hundred graves. We stop briefly at each one and someone takes the initiative to tell the story and refresh our memories of this ancestor or that. We hear of the generosity of my grandpa, we learn about little Nola who was hit by a fire truck outside the family backery. We laugh as we remember the story of my great grandpa being arrested at 82 for driving his laundary truck with an expired license, only to be sent home from jail because he kept asking what he could clean next. We recall searching the cemetary a few years back for the resting spot of young Heber who lived only a day, and then purchasing a headstone to mark his grave. We try to figure out the family secrets that are now lost to time. We contemplate the sacrifices of those who left their homelands to come to Zion and gather with the Saints, and of those who paid the ultimate cost in struggles for freedom. Despite the pouring rain and freezing temperatures as we traveled about I felt a deep sense of gratitude to God and to those who have gone before me that have established a legacy of faith. I wonder what I did to deserve the wonderful blessing of being born to a good and fortunate family?
At this time of year as we honor those who have paved the way before us and now watch to see where we will go, I express my appreciation and praise to them, and pledge to carry on in their tradition of freedom and faith!

Some Thoughts

2005-05-26T19:56:00.000-07:00

A few thoughts from nowhere in particular....

Time off! I don't have to work tomorrow and I couldn't be more happy! To those who have to work - my sincerest apologies, I will be chillin' at home. Breaks are great!

Interesting people. You know those people that are just a bit different than the norm? They're great and you like them just fine, but there is just something that's unique about them? You know, the ones where they do something or say something and you just are not quite sure how to respond? Such is a kid I know from work. He always sings little songs and cracks jokes while we are working. See, I can see from the corner of my eye that he is laughing his face off and looking in my direction to see if I will do the same. The problem is he's usually not very funny, so I don't know whether to give a fake courtesy laugh, or to smile, or to just ignore. Generally I just pretend I'm not paying attention and keep working intently as his laugh slowly fades. Really nice kid, but I don't know how to act with the guy.

Oprah Winfrey. So I was logging on to the internet the other day and one of the pop-ups from the internet provider was an article about one of the guests on the Oprah show. Perhaps some of you Oprah fans got to see this episode. The guest was a doctor. This was no ordinary doctor...he is an expert in human waste, that's right he is a pooh specialist. I admit I read the whole article, and laughed the whole time! I had to share it with my family too. Who on earth would go in to such a profession, and why did Oprah have him on her show?! It was too funny.

Summer weather! Hallelujah for this nice weather we are having in the blessed land of Utah. I love warm, sunny days. May they last for a long time.

Singing. Today at work I was busting out in song and doing a little head dance to the radio in my back room at work and one of my co-workers caught me. I turned and realized she caught me and felt my face go red as she laughed. I think she thought I was pretty weird, but it was a good song!

Sheri Dew. This woman is incredible! I am reading a book that she wrote and I am amazed at how she has gone from being a shy, unconfident, Kansas farm girl to one of the most influential women in the history of the church. That is cool. So Sheri, if you're out there, if I were 30 years older I would totally marry you! Where is my Sheri Dew??

Miracles

2005-05-21T21:15:00.000-07:00

In just a few hours the first stake of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints will be created in Rome, Italy! I had the wonderful opportunity to serve and teach the people of Italy for 2 years as a missionary. I grew to love that country and those people with all of my heart, hence the name of the site. I miss them and pray for them all the time.
Day after day, and month after month during my time as a missionary, and since, I have prayed that miracles would occur in the work of the Lord to bring about a stake in Rome. Why is a stake so important? Because, a stake is one of the first signs of strength and growth that will pave the way to a temple in Italy!
Isn't it interesting that just last month a bishop was elected in Rome in the view of the whole world. I confess I was caught up in the historic occasion. The tradition and fanfare was broadcast to millions across the globe as hundreds of thousands looked to the great Basilica designed by Michelangelo from the great square of Bernini's making to see the sign of white smoke, to hear the bells, and to receive the word "habemus papum". Pope Benedict, which is the Latin for "blessed", appears to be a wonderful man; devoted to his faith for several decades, he is a man of great learning and sophistication. He was entrusted with leadership as he received the support of the electors and the acceptance of the people. The process was fascinating.
In contrast, a group of humble saints will meet tomorrow in the conference room of a local hotel. There might be a few thousand at most. There will be no secret election, no media coverage, no fanfare; but there will be the "power of God in great glory"! Most likely, few in the world will be aware or even care about this little gathering, but to those of us who know and believe, it will be a day of miracles. Tomorrow the prayers of hundreds of missionaries, thousands of faithful saints, and many spirits beyond the veil over many years will be answered when an Apostle of the Lord Jesus Christ organizes the Rome, Italy Stake of Zion! For the first time since the 1st century there will be a bishop and patriarch in Rome, called of God with proper authority. They will be ordinary men, but they will be part of an extraordinary event. They will be chosen by revelation and sustained by the people. The process will be inspiring. The meeting will close and they will quietly go forward to build the kingdom of God, with little commentary from CNN.
See, they know the prophecy of Lorenzo Snow, "O Italy! Thou birthplace and burial ground of the proud Caesars...land of literature and arts, and once the centre of the world's civilization. Who shall tell all the greatness which breathes in the story of thy past?...Here reposes the dust of millions that were mighty in ages gone by, and flooded the earth with the fame of their deeds...But is there nought here save the tomb of the past? O, Italy! Hath an eternal winter followed the summer of thy fame, and frosted the flowers of thy genius, and clouded the sunbeams of thy glory? No: the future of thy story shall outshine the past, and thy children shall yet be more renowned than in ages of old...Truth shall yet be victorious amid thy Babylonish regions. Where triumphant warriors were stained with gore, and princes reigned in the pomp of tyranny, the sure, though tardy working of the Gospel, now weaves a fairer wreath, and will wear a brighter crown. I see around me many an eye which will one day glisten with delight at the tidings of eternal Truth - many a countenance which will adorn the assemblies of the living God."
I am reminded of a scripture that brought me great comfort as I attended a meeting one Sunday in a little town called Carbonia on the beautiful island of Sardegna...with a congregation of 5. Two of us were the missionaries. "And it came to pass that I beheld the church of the Lamb of God, and its numbers were few...And it came to pass that I, Nephi, beheld the power of the Lamb of God, that it descended upon the saints of the church of the Lamb, and upon the covenant people of the Lord, who were scattered upon all the face of the earth; and they were armed with righteousness and with the power of God in great glory." (1 Nephi 14:12,14).
I have felt the power of the Lamb of God, I have seen those glistening eyes, and I have witnessed the miracles in Italy. I am so grateful that God has allowed me to be just a tiny part. How I wish I were there now!